And just as expected
The message came.
The pre-birthday wish
That will go on
For another five days.
I'm going on three years
Of knowing him and yet
He's not my friend,
Nor my enemy,
Nor a stranger.
He knows me in explicit detail
And yet I only know him
As some vague image.
So here he is
To wish me a happy birthday,
As he does every year.
His arms holding out
With what appears to be gift.
But I already know what it is.
It's a trade
Cleverly disguised.
His love for my sanity.
And all I can do is stare
And try to resist the temptation
To open it once again.
Mar 21, 2014
Mar 21, 2014 at 6:29 PM UTC
Grab your instrument of choice
Place pressure on a clean slate
Let’s start off gentle and slow
Seductively you round each vowel
Connecting consonants fluidly
Slowly and with intention
Each syllable etched into permanence
With every verse teasing
The spaces in between feel
Like miles across the page
As if letters long to touch one another
You drop **** ellipses
With perfect timing…
Paragraphs forming
Completing thoughts
That’s it now
Harder impressions with your tool
There’s no need to be gentle
You’re getting closer
To the end
But pace yourself
We’re not done yet
The last thought leaves me
Almost satisfied
But more chapters await
The completion
Of this body of work
You crave to manipulate phrases
And dominate expressions
You wish to make me
Weak and tremble
From your mere strokes
To captivate and leave me
Breathless in anticipation
Your words flow effortlessly
Smooth, bold and intense
Full in length of feeling
And thicker in meaning
Making me sopping wet
As I take in
Every line of your piece
With each turn of the page
You drive your point
Harder and harder
With dramatic exclamations
Until you bring me
To the brink of ecstasy
With your pulsating conclusion
Mar 17, 2014
Mar 17, 2014 at 1:52 AM UTC
She felt the jolt of loss the moment she woke.
Her body screamed, "You're still alive! Even though your heart has broke."
It would go into shock every now and then
To remind her that he was gone again.
A feeling so terrifying, so painful, she preferred to stay awake and slowly go insane.
Though she wasn't tired from lack of sleep, she was just tired of the pain.
The color drained from her cheeks and the glow from inside.
No more smiles or laughter, only tears she couldn't hide.
She dared not blink as if doing so would keep them from falling.
Night after night, a cigarette in hand, but he wasn't calling.
She lived her days repeatedly through the stages of grief.
(Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression)
She had eluded Acceptance until she was ready for a reprieve.
But each time after the last, it beckoned even more.
As much as she resisted, the temptation to rest was winning the war.
Soon there wouldn't be much to look forward to tomorrow.
She was ready to let go and end her sorrow.
But he came to her this night, knowing she couldn't say no.
He was killing her slowly in the come and go.
And he had taken as he pleased, bringing more life into his own.
Never aware of what she sacrificed, he had not known.
He finally saw the damage and realized how
She ended up lifeless here in front of him now.
She had given herself to him, every bit of her light.
He shouted, "I'm sorry," and this time he meant it.
There would be no fight.
He knew that he could not truly be without her.
Tears poured down his face and he shouted even louder.
With her eyes closed, he told her he loved her and kissed her fervidly.
And then, something happened most unexpectedly...
She kissed him back as much as she could.
She was brought back to life by the only one who should.
They kissed and kissed and made love right there
With her blood, his sweat and both their tears.
Though they had struggled for years, they knew that this was how it would be.
In the end, with themselves and with each other,
They would finally find peace.
Feb 5, 2014
Feb 5, 2014 at 3:30 PM UTC
I’m feeling the pressure
As you push into me
Maybe you wouldn’t know better
Unless you had empathy
Neither of you can see
Damages you are creating
Every inch of me is
Ready for rebelling
Please don’t make me chose
Right or wrong you’re neither
Either or both will lose
So get your **** together
See I can’t be in the center
Understand where I belong
Release me or I will only
Escape and say “So Long!”
Feb 5, 2014
Feb 5, 2014 at 12:09 PM UTC
This one is dedicated to all my aspiring writer friends - creative creatures with deep yearnings to mold meaningful words into art. Waiting for the inspiration but can't find the words just yet... for reasons of their own.
If I could...
I'd write about the feeling of new love emerging within – butterflies fluttering in my core, perpetual longing of your embrace, the simple pleasures that showed you cared and that my efforts were not in vain…
If I could...
I'd shout out your name from the rooftops, my thoughts echoing all of the ethereal and spine-tingling sensations of rapturous delight, consuming me…
If I could...
I'd surrender my body, heart and soul to you, for the mere joy of having it welcomed by your waiting arms, ready to ravage and take me to my edge…
If I could...
I'd rest my mouth against your sacred skin, breathe in your essence and honor you with all that is truly me, without fear…
If I could...
I’d find the inspiration within me to flood pages and pages with my love-stained ink flowing directly from my heart through my veins and down to my pen...
If I could… I would.
But now this writer writes nothing of the kind, trapped in a loop of uncertainty. Sorrow and resignation sleep with my soul, becoming my new Master. For Love has slipped from my grasp once more. I wait in the hope to write beautiful sonnets and declarations of boundless love finally returned unto me… someday. And our love would leap from this page and live eternally with the stars. They would read my words of adoration and cherish you the same way I always have. If I could only find the words...
I crave the emotion that carries me into reckless abandon where my meanings will be felt.
For now, I will sit back and watch others profess devotion for their lovers to the nth degree. I pray that one day, my heart may awaken again and pour out the utterances my soul longs to fashion for you, still indescribable to me.
Feb 4, 2014
Feb 4, 2014 at 3:29 PM UTC
I loved him in pieces of me
Like bits of an empty leaded
Crystal vase
Clumsily glued together
He inched closer
Knowing
I could cut his soul in half
How could he say
That I was beautiful
Did he prefer
Broken things
Was he enticed
By the scattered prisms
Of light reflected back
In his eyes
Maybe he thought
He could dull
My razor-sharp edges
That he could catch
And hold onto me
Unscathed
He sought pleasure
Yet settled for pain
My colors danced
In the chards of mosaic glass
It beckoned him to reach out
Only to tear into his hands
Over and over again
A knowing look remained
As if he had graced me
With acceptance
And the last bit of me
Slipped from his grasp
And shattered
Like a billion shiny stars
Already dead
Before they hit the ground
He deserved more
Than empty
Bloodied hands
Not all things that shine
Are precious
Not all beautiful things
Are meant
To be touched
Feb 3, 2014
Feb 3, 2014 at 12:08 PM UTC
Do I still love you? With every harsh rejection, every brutal truth you offered, every single time that you kept yourself stingily from me, I forgave you in a single breath. No one understood how I could endure, least of all you. You tried your damnedest to keep that wall up. But I refuse to be labeled as "just another one" locked away and hidden in some secret file. You're going to remember me as the girl who loved you the most. Even in your despicable moments, I never gave up. I never walked away. Through your disappearing acts, your hurtful words, your avoidance of serious topics, your ****** fantasies. I kept my rare, fondest memories of your softer self. I just kept smiling through the trials knowing that this was the dark side you let guard you. And that if I dug deep enough, I'd find your warm smile and carefree laughter to set them free again.
I do not cringe upon hearing or reading your name. Instead, I whisper softly, tenderly, "I love you, Barrett."
I do not avoid places where we might converge. Instead, I look for you in crowded spaces for the chance to see your face.
I do not curse you and wish you karmic revenge. Instead, I wish for you nothing less than love and inner peace.
Do I still love you?
The answer is always the same.
I love you for reasons you could not possibly conceive.
Feb 3, 2014
Feb 3, 2014 at 12:04 AM UTC
I have only seen one dimension of him
The cutting wit
The relentless desire
And the pain he thinks he hides so well
But I can't let him go
Because I know
That I am that
Which colors his dark world
In vibrant shades of life
A glimmer of happiness
And a hope of belonging
Hide behind skeptical eyes
And if I should leave
He will come to love the darkness
And he will never be whole again
Feb 3, 2014
Feb 3, 2014 at 12:01 AM UTC