rippedknuckles - Hello Poetry

you asked me to think about why i tried to **** myself. you told me to write a journal entry and paste my feelings onto paper and make me try to pretend that it would be okay. that putting everything i tried to destroy with a bottle of pills would help heal me. am i supposed to be your new entertainment, your new muse. to try and have me romanticize my everyday thoughts that torment me and create a daily aesthetic for you? explain how i felt trying to destroy myself, and capture what destroyed me into a journal entry. is that what you call art now. ive never picked up a cigarette before and now i cant go an hour free of anxiety without having my lung chew up one. is that romantic enough for you. im not sitting here saying i dont enjoy life, because i do. if you wanted me to write you a poem you could have just asked because youll find more beauty hidden underneath stanzas than my hollow bones. and im pretty sure im sane, even though i have to take a pill to get through some days when i get sad. but you see, you asked me to write about why i wanted to commit suicide. not as to why i did not succeed. and to be honest i dont know why i survived that wave of toxins. maybe it was my fingers that managed to grasp the back of my throat or maybe it was how i already knew the comfort of hanging over that pitiful toilet seat. maybe it was my parents who rushed me through hospital doors at 2:00 am. or maybe it was the nurse who could not believe i would try and destroy a work of art. but i found life while i was dying and i ******* survived that night for some god **** reason. and this is my journal entry for you. not as to why i wanted to die, but as to how i survived. but if you wanted a poem, all you had to do was ask.

0

Dec 12, 2014

Dec 12, 2014 at 11:10 PM UTC

rippedknuckles

if you wanted a poem, all you had to do was ask

you asked me to think about why i tried to **** myself. you told me to write a journal entry and paste my feelings onto paper and make me try to pretend that it would be okay. that putting everything i tried to destroy with a bottle of pills would help heal me. am i supposed to be your new entertainment, your new muse. to try and have me romanticize my everyday thoughts that torment me and create a daily aesthetic for you? explain how i felt trying to destroy myself, and capture what destroyed me into a journal entry. is that what you call art now. ive never picked up a cigarette before and now i cant go an hour free of anxiety without having my lung chew up one. is that romantic enough for you. im not sitting here saying i dont enjoy life, because i do. if you wanted me to write you a poem you could have just asked because youll find more beauty hidden underneath stanzas than my hollow bones. and im pretty sure im sane, even though i have to take a pill to get through some days when i get sad. but you see, you asked me to write about why i wanted to commit suicide. not as to why i did not succeed. and to be honest i dont know why i survived that wave of toxins. maybe it was my fingers that managed to grasp the back of my throat or maybe it was how i already knew the comfort of hanging over that pitiful toilet seat. maybe it was my parents who rushed me through hospital doors at 2:00 am. or maybe it was the nurse who could not believe i would try and destroy a work of art. but i found life while i was dying and i ******* survived that night for some god **** reason. and this is my journal entry for you. not as to why i wanted to die, but as to how i survived. but if you wanted a poem, all you had to do was ask.

1

my town has managed to be hit with a snow storm every winter since you left last fall we were visited by a hurricane that managed to demolish every power source, yet my mind would not shut off i can remember how loud the wind was and how i could scream at the top of my lungs without my family hearing me but it was usually like that anyway this year, i met you and you decided to come into my life and also decided to leave so **** quickly, i was watching the news the day you left and a tornado was going strike down and destroy everything and disappear and it was funny because they named it after you so i sat there, and realized chivalry had died a truculent death but now its almost winter and the tornado didnt touch much of my fallow land and the rain poured down as the temperature changed turning rain into hail pungently piercing my fragile skin and my anxiety raged because i felt another storm coming in but some boy came by and stood over me with an umbrella and kissed my forehead and it hit me harder than any storm that you find who you need when you need them you cannot simply be a storm chaser without getting damaged by the storm

0

Dec 9, 2014

Dec 9, 2014 at 11:15 PM UTC

rippedknuckles

storm chaser

my town has managed to be hit with a snow storm every winter since you left last fall we were visited by a hurricane that managed to demolish every power source, yet my mind would not shut off i can remember how loud the wind was and how i could scream at the top of my lungs without my family hearing me but it was usually like that anyway this year, i met you and you decided to come into my life and also decided to leave so **** quickly, i was watching the news the day you left and a tornado was going strike down and destroy everything and disappear and it was funny because they named it after you so i sat there, and realized chivalry had died a truculent death but now its almost winter and the tornado didnt touch much of my fallow land and the rain poured down as the temperature changed turning rain into hail pungently piercing my fragile skin and my anxiety raged because i felt another storm coming in but some boy came by and stood over me with an umbrella and kissed my forehead and it hit me harder than any storm that you find who you need when you need them you cannot simply be a storm chaser without getting damaged by the storm

44

youre right maybe i didnt get enough sleep last night i couldnt possibly understand why i could be tired i fell asleep at 10 but i managed to wake up at two i had to use the bathroom i climbed back into bed my stomach yelled at me, screaming at me actually i hadnt eaten in two days i went back to the bathroom i stepped on the scale i lost two pounds i smiled and it was 8 am by that time my day was about to start i went to bed around 9 this time i woke up at 1 went to use the bathroom i fell on the way there, accidentally of course i broke my collar bone as a screamed in agony i had not eaten in 5 months i lost more than 70 pounds! my stomach stopped screaming at me i was over joyed i didnt manage to break a rib but i couldnt breathe i was gasping for something to enter my lungs and nothing would but ignored the mirage of pain long enough for some ****** oxygen to enter my lungs i went to bed at 8 i didnt wake up at all i hadnt eaten for 8 months

0

Dec 7, 2014

Dec 7, 2014 at 9:52 AM UTC

rippedknuckles

i stepped on the scale

youre right maybe i didnt get enough sleep last night i couldnt possibly understand why i could be tired i fell asleep at 10 but i managed to wake up at two i had to use the bathroom i climbed back into bed my stomach yelled at me, screaming at me actually i hadnt eaten in two days i went back to the bathroom i stepped on the scale i lost two pounds i smiled and it was 8 am by that time my day was about to start i went to bed around 9 this time i woke up at 1 went to use the bathroom i fell on the way there, accidentally of course i broke my collar bone as a screamed in agony i had not eaten in 5 months i lost more than 70 pounds! my stomach stopped screaming at me i was over joyed i didnt manage to break a rib but i couldnt breathe i was gasping for something to enter my lungs and nothing would but ignored the mirage of pain long enough for some ****** oxygen to enter my lungs i went to bed at 8 i didnt wake up at all i hadnt eaten for 8 months

38

this is the third shower ive taken today and now the water is ice cold pounding on my burned back after i scorched it the first and second shower maybe i figured if the water was hot enough it would burn your essence you left on my skin thinking that the one thing you couldnt take away from me was my body but i just dried myself off and i can still feel your tongue on my neck saying my name i can still feel your fingers grabbing my face and your eyes staring right through me stuttering that you loved me and now i look in the mirror and stare at whats left of my reflection and chuckle as dry my hair i got dressed and went outside said hello to michael got the paper and walked back inside fixed myself a scotch i figured feeling numb in the morning was better than any wake up call i was going to get

0

Dec 6, 2014

Dec 6, 2014 at 11:53 AM UTC

rippedknuckles

morning of an alcoholic

this is the third shower ive taken today and now the water is ice cold pounding on my burned back after i scorched it the first and second shower maybe i figured if the water was hot enough it would burn your essence you left on my skin thinking that the one thing you couldnt take away from me was my body but i just dried myself off and i can still feel your tongue on my neck saying my name i can still feel your fingers grabbing my face and your eyes staring right through me stuttering that you loved me and now i look in the mirror and stare at whats left of my reflection and chuckle as dry my hair i got dressed and went outside said hello to michael got the paper and walked back inside fixed myself a scotch i figured feeling numb in the morning was better than any wake up call i was going to get

40