rebecca-maxine
American
For months, I was (subconsciously) looking for the incentive to write-- I skimmed through old poems and stories I'd written, trying to identify with that part of myself once again. I was sad, because I missed the creativity and enthusiasm I had during those times. / What I didn't realize was that my incentive to rediscover that part of my being was actually incentive in itself to write again. / So now I'm back, accessing parts of myself that I never even knew were there. / 4.2.15 / / "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will come to Me and pray to Me and I will listen. You will seek Me and you will find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." / Jer 29:11-13
Every day
Comes, goes
Crazy cycle
**** this
Wanna stop
Breathe please
Stop suffocating
You can,
Just believe.
Well ****
I can't.
Just dying
Forever, always
Never stops
Can't breathe
Over and
Over again
Too tough
Can't focus
Can't think
Can't dream
Who AM
I NOW
Don't recognize
This face
Today, anymore
Two words
Each thought
Linear equations
Connect dots
Connect thoughts
Connect me
To something
Pretty please
Feels like
Stabbing wounds
Can't breathe
Can't think
Never stops
Over and
Over again
Same choices
Dumb, stupid
Why why
Why did...
Can't believe
Can't think
Don't wanna
Don't wanna
Think anymore
Just sleep
Just cry
Just die
Quietly, softly.
Forever, forever
Never stops.
Never wake,
Just sleep
Just cry
Today, always.
Nov 12, 2017
Nov 12, 2017 at 3:08 PM UTC
My father, whose love exudes
From his mouth flows words of encouragement,
Songs full of depth, and lighted hearted laughter.
My father, blessed and wise beyond your years,
Knowing and guiding me through trials and adversities,
Passing along advice and signs of approval.
My father, whose arms bring comfort and delight,
Whose chuckle brings relief in times of distress,
Whose courage and obedience brought goodness through endurance.
My father, living well and teaching well
An example to his peers
A stronghold for his family
My father.
Oct 7, 2015
Oct 7, 2015 at 7:19 PM UTC
In universal terms;
a thousand lifetimes come & go
in the blink of an eye
I overrated the importance of my existence
and now I'm chasing leaves on the breeze.
perhaps
one day the breeze will fail
and the leaves will sit willingly, still;
hungry to be examined.
Only (I discover)
I was never chasing leaves
Just lost in the wind.
Apr 16, 2015
Apr 16, 2015 at 11:23 PM UTC
I often go through phases of feeling contemplative.
I could be sitting on the bus one day,
wondering where the people around me are going,
what lives they lead, what their motivations are, their interests.
Other days, I just don’t give a ****
Apr 16, 2015
Apr 16, 2015 at 11:19 PM UTC
The unknown, laughing
It glares at me-- stark, silent
Gripping me tightly
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 8:34 PM UTC
Me: Getting lost in total abandonment--
Abandonment of dignity and self-awareness
Lost in the praise I was singing unto You
The Enemy: Striking again, pummeling me to the ground
Whispering to me the lie
that I had been abandoned by You
Me: Unable to stand with my body,
But taking a stand in my heart, remembering Your eternal
GLORY and GOODNESS,
Your everlasting loving-kindness,
Your grace, mercy, and faithfulness.
Shouting my praise to you now,
With even more conviction than before, having a greater hope
Knowing I would be restored,
Knowing that I was surrounded by love
The Enemy: Running and hiding
From the boldness exuding from me in the name of Jesus
He was defeated
You: Smiling, delighted with Your daughter,
Your faithful servant
Whispering to me a promise--
"My love will never let you go, for I am the everlasting God"
Apr 4, 2015
Apr 4, 2015 at 2:47 PM UTC
Hope and joy are my allies,
As I battle and war my way through this life
The goal? The finish line?
We cannot see it, but it is glorious
It is magnificent and holy
Even now, I tremble at the thought.
We fight against evil, but remain in peace
Our hearts: perpetually warm and tender
For we are here in the name of love--
Not mere survival
I have chosen to fight my way through this world
alongside serenity, grace, patience, and trust
With whom I have made a pact,
A pact that has made us one with each other
They would never leave my side
Nor I theirs
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 11:39 AM UTC
The tone, the rhythm, the melody. Every beat, every snare, every drum.
The sound waves projecting, and then contracting.
The perfect construction of these elements, all streamed together uniquely.
The pace of your heart quickens, and a bubble rises from your gut--nostalgia.
His words, half spoken, half sung. You slip into a haze--
"You don't have to... change for me."
Slowly sinking deeper into your daydream, every pulsating note
brings backs visions of your youth, memories that had been long forgotten.
(You, lying on your bed, dead to the surrounding universe,
only aware of the nauseous feeling in your stomach when you think of him.
And him, the him whom you'd forgotten until this moment,
the him who seemed so important at that time,
the him whom you'd barely known--and still do not)
The fuzzy bass and faint piano come into play.
(Strawberry lollipops, school dresses, pig tails in your hair
Long summers, iced tea, doodles on your homework)
"I don't want you calling, please don't call," he says.
The layers, the balance, the beauty.
How could this have fallen into the blank space of your mind?
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 3:42 AM UTC
Somewhere, they'll find us
where?
somewhere
on our cross, together
the only place we knew we'd be safe
what if it were only one of us anyway?
they'd find us somewhere
Mar 20, 2014
Mar 20, 2014 at 4:49 PM UTC
Your voice, it resonates inside me
Your touch, my skin can feel that sensation
The way your eyelids blink, I can remember
The way your coat moved about you, I like to think of it
Your mouth curved into a slight smile, and my mind won't forget
"Your smell, it fills my soul" and I cannot forget those words
What is today and what is tomorrow?
They do not matter for me
This forlorn girl
Mar 18, 2014
Mar 18, 2014 at 3:14 PM UTC