She sits across from you
And you need me to know
She came home with you last night and looks nothing like me
You promptly compliment her perfume
In a way that says I had the sweet smell of lust on the tip of my nose once before
And it did not smell like this
This is better
New
So I hope this time for you
It’s true
That in the august morning air your first thought isn’t a new way to twist the knife
The wound through my chest has not long been healed
There is cool steal fragments lodged inside me that you crafted with your own two hands
Ten years holding our undying burden of truth
It’s written on my face
There is nothing bittersweet here
May she be strong enough to hold it all and fast enough to chase
I pray this is the ******* end for everybody’s sake
Aug 16, 2023
Aug 16, 2023 at 10:01 PM UTC
I am a breath of morning air
In the east side I watch the sunrise over the city
Warm glows wrap their arms around cold dark towers standing too far apart to hold hands
We were once two kids doing the same
Dancing in the dark
Kissing until dawn
Leaving in the morning
We parted like towers casting shadows over each other
Last night I saw the sun set and beneath the orange umbrella I felt you twitch
You are the flickering yellow glow of street lights
The pain of an 8pm curfew in the dead of summer
The hollow call home of your absent mother
When you wake up and you think of me
I hope you know it’s not the same
It never will be
I won’t hurt for you now - Not tonight
I’m staying in
Now you make me lock my doors up tight
Mar 22, 2023
Mar 22, 2023 at 5:55 PM UTC
Winter is curling it’s toes in anticipation
And I’m covering my eyes
These days I have been hiding at home
I have shut all the curtains
Offering a sneaky gaze at the sunsets before returning to my place on the floor
There is an emptiness in growth that is indescribable
There is a sadness in leaving things behind
I am right in the middle of success and being 20 years old stumbling home from the bar
And as I watch all the plants die outside
Through the window I can see what looks like me
Just older
Continuing down this path in the winters darkness
This season is painful and I’m supposed to grateful
But aging feels a lot like waiting for the snow to fall and burry me too
Nov 13, 2022
Nov 13, 2022 at 4:39 PM UTC
Where did all the love I gave go
When you’re young it’s effortless
So easy to give away
And by the time it’s too late
You’re searching your whole body to muster up anything to hand over
Anything to be enough
To fill you up
If all the love my heart gave is still out there
With no place to go
Pray it knows
It’s welcome back
Sep 25, 2022
Sep 25, 2022 at 8:16 PM UTC
The thing no one tells you about grief is that time doesn’t always heal your wounds
I am no longer 17
And I no longer go weak at the knees for you
I don’t need your praise or touch
But
I still skip your favourite songs on my playlists
Like I’m committing sweet revenge for myself at 20
Hopeless and dedicated
Like if the 4 minutes and 30 seconds of Heartbeat play one less time in your lifetime
You’ll know
And you’ll feel me at 24
Hoping it hurt you bad
Aug 8, 2022
Aug 8, 2022 at 5:07 PM UTC
When we sleep
I imagine that we go to the same place
I picture you
Your tattoos and red wine stained cheeks
You smell like ice cream and you taste like it too
Everything that you love
Looks like me
It’s so real sometimes that when I reach out for you
I can feel you reaching back
In my dreams you say everything that I want to hear
And you mean it
Jan 20, 2022
Jan 20, 2022 at 2:12 PM UTC
There's a sense of hope that hides away in me
Like an abused dog
I’ve made a close friend with the past
Validation only feels like a gold star when you’re the one to peel it off
And stick it on my shirt
I guess i just want you to know that i've done all the work
And still like it
Jan 16, 2022
Jan 16, 2022 at 3:10 PM UTC
She asked me how laying on that table felt
And I told her like a body in a morgue
Like I belonged to a crime scene
When I got up to leave
My soul stayed behind
She’s been stuck there for years
Naked and sterile
A lost ghost and her bones that used to belong to me stands shaking
Like an abandoned home at the end of the street
Broken down and empty
No one looks inside
No one checks on the memories that still reside there
Oct 8, 2021
Oct 8, 2021 at 4:24 PM UTC
I have this painting in the back of my closet that I started for you many moons ago
The more I look at the half painted mountains the more they all remind me of me at 22
Resting
Im in my home with the man I love
He’s singing in the other room
We have Christmas decorations up and I’m petting our cat
A year ago today I remember wondering what it would be like to be loved by someone that I loved back
I made up days that I liked better
Crowded rooms with spilt drinks
On the worst nights I danced so hard that my feet bled
For a long time I thought my hopeless dedication and imagination unraveled me to the core
They never saw the rope I was holding onto
It’s been steadily dragging me behind it
Wrapped around my wrists
Elbows burned to the bone
Day by day since I was just 17
It’s been so long
But I’m here now
Dec 11, 2020
Dec 11, 2020 at 4:36 PM UTC
There’s a large handful of people I’ve loved that I no longer have
When the floods came they washed away
Erosion left behind cracks with their names in the shattered pavement of my hometown
And even now when I step over them on the sidewalk
What I mean to say is I wish you no ill will
No broken backs
When I see you growing small weeds between broken promises and heartache
What I mean to say is I hope after this storm
That there will be sun
That even now I can only hope for growth
Aug 22, 2020
Aug 22, 2020 at 10:06 PM UTC