In a dream, a perfect illusion
living the life you've always wanted
In reality, there's so much confusion,
Leading you farther from where you had started
Time is taking its tolls
and you're still stuck in the beginning
Ceasing to move, ceasing to live
You still hold on, hoping they'll give
Everything you once wanted,
but it's leading you farther from where you had started.
As time moves on more and more
You start to wish love hadn't left you sore
Sore for life, and sore for love
You try to forgive, but it's so hard
You want to move on, but your heart's in shards
While they lie on the floor,
you sit there crying more and more
Yet, you still hold on, and think "just one last chance"
hoping and praying that this time, it won't give.
No,
Hope that it won't bow, it won't fray,
If only it lasts just one more day
Just to hold him one more night,
Just so you can get that ultimate high
Though, he seems to be leading you farther away
from everything that was there to stay;
From everything that you wanted
Leading you farther from where you had started
Feb 4, 2017
Feb 4, 2017 at 5:57 PM UTC
I have come to find myself having lucid dreams
I imagine myself as Dr. Cuddi
You are Gregory House.
I am the fixer, the healer, the lover.
You are the destroyer, the addict, the roamer.
I am reclusive, motherly, and protective.
You are the narcissistic, arrogant *******
Somehow, in some way, we make this work,
Even when is takes the millionth time to hold you and clean you up.
Your self inflicted wounds, your suppressed emotional distress that is linked to your addictions..
You make life a puzzle and we both like puzzles..
I can make love to your eyes, hold your crippling being, undress your mind, and make you mine..
I don't even have to try.
You can try to refute..
You can try to run, but in the end, we both know that all along
This is what we were meant to be.
We were made for each other.
You're the only one that I want to run back to regardless of the senial things you do.
I'm the only one you keep in your dreams regardless of the number of *** partners you undressed by seams..
And at the end of the day..
I will always be there to say,
"It's okay. I love you."
Dec 30, 2016
Dec 30, 2016 at 10:24 AM UTC
I may not have taken my time when I moved on
But I wasn't wrong when I had been the only one who held on
How many years I could recollect, but it isn't worth it
Nor is that healthy
Now I know what I know and what I don't know by my own choice.
Ignorance is bliss when it comes to moving on.
Indifference is what you aim to feel after all is said and done
Sure, some people try to tell me about how you are
But I instead walk away and speak no words
It isn't worth knowing
We aren't friends
We aren't lovers
We aren't meant to be
We are simply a thing of the past
We had our time and that time left me sore
And I will not fight myself anymore.
The love I had was always mind over matter
I didn't view it that way back then,
Yes, I do admit.
You were the center of my fascination.
You were the Apple of my eye.
But I can't believe I led myself to believe all of your lies.
I guess I was love drunk on my first actual love.
I never let anyone in, so the first person I did, I never wanted to let go.
It was too risqué to me..
My psyche was telling me you would betray me..
And it was right.
That's why ignorance is bliss.
I don't open up
And I don't chase
I don't care about what people say
I don't look at pictures
I don't recollect
I just simply turn my back and I remind myself
"Ignorance is Bliss".
Dec 30, 2016
Dec 30, 2016 at 10:21 AM UTC
I've been having those old dreams
The ones years ago that reaped me of my sanity
They're the same ones when you'd wake me to hold me
You'd be there when I was shaking
Tossing and turning
When I lacked breathing..
But now, when I dream, it is different
But not because you're not there.
It is a cold, dark silhouette
And I swear, it haunts me.
It cascades my bedroom walls and attacks me at my throat
Bad omens always stayed away from me,
They were always following you.
So, what changed?
**** Who knows.
Now, I shake and quiver
I sweat and I cry
In the middle of my sleep I scream
I scream, I scream, I SCREAM!
But, no one hears me.
No one holds me.
So I stay shaking
Tossing and turning
I still lack breathing.
But one last thing I have left out,
That Bible I keep by my head, you know,
Pages were ripped out.
That silhouette that cascades my bedroom in the middle of the night,
That omen..
**** it's your demon.
You brought me bad luck.
I can't believe I let your demons in.
****
Dec 30, 2016
Dec 30, 2016 at 10:20 AM UTC
I was addicted to you and you made it easy to be addicted to Adderall.
Adderall made me paranoid to the point to think that I wasn't enough.
So I believed I was more "attractive" when I lost all that weight,
Well, you ate my scripts like candy- like they were going out of style,
And then you decided I wasn't what you wanted when the fun was no longer worth while.
Because of Adderall, you wanted more.
You seeked other women,
And then I was broken.
As I was crashing,
Inside I was burning.
I had no energy anymore.
You were full of energy and I was a bore..
I guess what I mean to say is Adderall made you a *****
Dec 30, 2016
Dec 30, 2016 at 10:18 AM UTC