It's quiet for a split second
in my mind as my thoughts glitch.
replay over and over and over
that moment i can't erase for good.
suppress it.
drown it.
forget.
but it lives
simply to haunt me
as i walk down the hall
staring blankly at the blinking
exit sign
just want to get out
maybe if i get out
i can breathe
fresh air with no stench
of sweat and ***
the residue of ****** fluids.
have to get out.
have to breathe.
have to forget.
the exit sign stops blinking.
my legs stop moving.
I feel nothing but the lump
rising and choking me.
i gag on the thought
and hurl a pretty swirl
of colorful candy
onto the rug.
goodbye Casanova.
Dec 6, 2013
Dec 6, 2013 at 12:09 AM UTC
To
know love
is to be certain that
our locked gaze holds an intangible truth that words could never do justice.
The same way your stable palm
cupping my cheek makes the shadows
dance for more sunshine.
My heart finds it difficult
to make a logical appeal to my brain,
because the way you look at me is
unexplainable,
the way I feel when you squeeze my thigh is
irrational,
and the way we love is
enigmatic
To know with certainty
is to get lost in your eyes and be joyfully surprised that you always find me.
To love is to find felicity
in our mutual surrender to our greatest strength and weakness in each other.
To certainly know love is to discover
the simple satisfaction of your head in my lap,
my hands in your hair and our hearts elated
in a moment of peace.
To know
love certainly is
to feel
the sting of truth and appreciate it.
For without this truth
our locked gaze would not break down walls
that were built over years of pain
preceding this newfound freedom in love
Free to learn and grow without the fear of abandonment or rejection.
What is love if it is not everything
you despise and everything you need
compacted into one ridiculously handsome person with the power to destroy you....
but never could and never would.
For such destruction might
collapse mountains around the world.
Clouds would fall from the sky
Trees would split into two and then
Owls
couldn't perch on branches
to watch over me and you.
To know love is to be intelligently ignorant
To accept the inevitable torment of an equal
Yet refusing to let eachother go.
and
Certainly love
is never certain
But choosing to know love is
certainly, to live
Nov 14, 2013
Nov 14, 2013 at 12:15 AM UTC
delicate aggression
tender abrasion
your words caress
like a soft knife
your lips warm
and smooth like ice
eyes dilate; enchanted
and we all fall down
red roses and blue jays
ringing, singing in my ears
violent shrills in a foreign tongue
swept tile after ashes of fun
the friction of bare skin burns the rug
brows furrow, the battles won
still, you wish it could all
be undone
Nov 13, 2013
Nov 13, 2013 at 11:21 PM UTC
There are three very different extremes from which my story could be told.
1.) I am the antagonist
2.) I am the protagonist
3.) I am the witness
The truth is, I cannot pick just one of these extremes because all are true.
I am the antagonist who maliciously drives those around to the point of madness. With bitter contempt I lurk in shadows around corners waiting for victims to fall prey to my traps, and when I’ve finally spun my web of malevolence; tightly to the point of suffocation, I laugh in the most polluted form of victory and self-destruction.
I am the protagonist who, with the best of intentions, still clumsily trips into danger from time to time. Naïve but good willed, my heroic altruism persists! I cannot give up on the world lest my grave cradles me. I must get to the bottom of this chaos, this maddening web of malevolence, if it’s the last thing I do. Everything depends on it.
I am the witness who stands idly by while everyone and everything bursts into lively fire or burns with the fury of death. I am the warm humid breeze on a hot summer’s day; unwelcome. I am water droplets on dry land; necessary.
Nov 6, 2013
Nov 6, 2013 at 12:02 AM UTC
Where do I begin to speak
of atrocities that occurred
before my very own existence.
Should I ever make a mark
upon the clay molded mountains....
or a dent in the chrome
sentiment of man kind,
Perhaps the world might listen.
May 24, 2013
May 24, 2013 at 3:28 PM UTC
I cannot pinpoint the exact moment that it happened.
That monumental moment when I completely and totally
allowed myself to fall
for you.
I fell hard, uncoordinated and bruised
I crash landed into your arms
and sank into the clouds of your love.
It was too much to absorb at once
so I let some of it just float around me
hoping I could save this love
and let it thrive upon itself
so that maybe
just this once
it would last.
May 24, 2013
May 24, 2013 at 3:17 PM UTC
Measure the weight of words
And how they sit upon your eager heart
They crush towards your center
You lean back upon the start.
Have you noticed yet that I can strain
Myself through all your holes
Look back within a whimper, wondering
What pain we have enclosed.
I hope that we can verbalize and free
The feelings we contain,
We hold each others hearts with pride
To take away the pain...
I picture your hands touching me
And my body starts to tremble
When our souls caress and mingle...
It is to you I will surrender
We are the waves that welcome
The skies fallen tears
Dec 18, 2012
Dec 18, 2012 at 4:44 PM UTC
A painful blend of suffering
Tastes good with a side of amnesia
Don’t feel what you don’t remember
And grasping at the past gets blurry
Like trying to touch a ghost
You can’t.
No.
But it touches you
When it wants to.
Like static in your mind
It drowns out noises,
makes for fuzzy moments
Flashes of color
Distinct images, with no clear order
No resolve. No unity
Nothing sacred in this rotting flesh
Degraded, humiliated
Pull me by my leash and tighten up my collar
You think you own me?
Like I’m your pet? Your mother.
You’ve never met another
who does what I can do.
Try to put me in your box
Don’t comprehend when I’m ticked off
My silence speaking volumes
You never listen.
Oct 31, 2012
Oct 31, 2012 at 10:57 AM UTC
Thinking of ways
to sift through days
in the corner of your atmosphere,
with the shadow of your sentiment,
through dawning mist
upon my soul.
Oct 29, 2012
Oct 29, 2012 at 12:11 AM UTC