When I was admitted to the hospital 1 month ago in as inpatient, there was a 17 year old girl, lets call her sunshine, (I decided to call her this while telling this story so I would not give away her real name). I was always full of energy when all the patients did groups on self esteem and such, or played cards in the unit lounge. But inside I was dying, to get out of there, and dying to die. Sunshine was there for drug overdose, similar to me. Things she said always brightened my day, made me happy inside and out, she's a sweetheart. We had to do a "check-in" sheet every morning at 9am, after breakfast. It asked us various questions such as, "Rate your mood from 1-10", "Name three positive things that happened yesterday", "What's your goal for today and three ways you can achieve it?". Sunshine always had the same answer for the last question, "Just be". Her ways to achieve it were "Peace, love and good vibes". The staff never liked her answers. She did have her violent days, but she did have a positive impact on everyone around her. I love her so much, I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't at the hospital when I was. When you have nothing left, "Just be"
Nov 26, 2013
Nov 26, 2013 at 6:59 AM UTC
I'm just a girl lost in dreams.
Dreams that can never be.
Dreams of things that aren't known.
Dreams of places unlike home.
Places you've never seen.
Dreams where the impossible happens.
Dreams where love is passion.
My dreams consist of things that could never be.
So why do I dream of things that cannot be?
The answer is simple;
You'll never get a depressed
You'll never be sad and alone,
Or desperately miss your home
In this place we call dreams
That always seem to be
An escape for mankind
Where you go places you'll never find.
Nov 24, 2013
Nov 24, 2013 at 2:45 PM UTC
Everyone tells me
"It gets better"
"Its fine"
When things just keep getting worse
You wouldn't tell that "everything is fine" if you felt like me
Crying in your room till 4am every night
Cutting open your wrists and thighs
Just so you can feel alive
Asking yourself why you're still here
Feeling too depressed to go on
So no, don't tell me "it gets better"
When you don't even understand what I'm going through
Nov 22, 2013
Nov 22, 2013 at 9:33 AM UTC
loneliness is an island inside my soul
a vacation home readily available for my escape
somewhere I have built impenetrable walls
scared to go anywhere beyond them
its this feeling that has consumed the last few years of my life
some place that I want to break out of but don't know how
its that one teardrop that will always fall from my face
that one cut inside my heart that will be always be surrounding it
its like a noose I can't remove from my neck
like balancing on a chair with one leg
at any second I could fall to my eternal loneliness
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 12:52 PM UTC
that feeling that eats at the back of my mind
it scares me to death that in some way i might lose you
and everything that i have worked to build
any chance at me losing someone I love in my life haunts the back of my mind
even if for a split second, or even a single memory
this feeling trying to surround my happiness with you
constantly fighting back with all the light i have
the sheer possibility that i could fall back to where i used to be
the scars that have long since faded
Nov 20, 2013
Nov 20, 2013 at 11:43 AM UTC
the one feeling that is most foreign to my life
inadequate in every way I can see
using beanies to cover up my flaws the best i can
hiding behind my words like a mask
odds stacked against me in everything i do
and everyone that I have any feelings towards
speaking only when there is no other option
approach me at your own risk and I will hide inside my notebook
cover my face with my hair and fall into my own little world
I am not fit to live inside this one
Nov 18, 2013
Nov 18, 2013 at 10:37 AM UTC
**"The eyes when kept open
leave the heart filled with love."**
By Lori Callahan
When we look the other way even with our personal issues it leaves us blinded to the solution
which is love. Self-image is so important on how other see us, our thoughts of worthlessness and death not only conquer us but becomes a sickness to those around us.
If you yawn around others they will yawn too. If you start to giggle, you will see it make others smile and if the giggling continues soon everyone in the room will start to giggle too. Which means we are attracted to the comforts in life like sleeping and laughing and bonding with those around us. My favorite thing in life is to make others happy and to feel LOVE. So I love you just know that.
Nov 13, 2013
Nov 13, 2013 at 10:45 AM UTC
that feeling you get when you can't stand something
where you resent every moment of your existence
living misunderstood throughout life
that feeling of resentment towards one whose hurt you deeply
where it feels like your heart has been ripped out
replaced by a knife ever so slowly growing larger as time goes by
like a hand around my heart squeezing until every drop drains away
that feeling of looking in the mirror and hating what you see
the being stuck in your mind with no clear path out
the point where you punch holes in the wall
trying to mimic what its like inside your head
to the point of a pen on paper and text on this screen
Nov 10, 2013
Nov 10, 2013 at 10:37 AM UTC
At first I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one who felt pain and struggle; who fought against myself when I was alone at night. But now I realize I’m not the only one. I've noticed that maybe the two of us aren't very different, and when I look into your eyes I can see what you go through. I can watch you run from all that hurt, same as me. We both run together: from change, from long, from shame, and imperfection. But I guess none of us stop to look around us at those that may be running too. None of us believe that there might be someone else out there feeling the same way we are. Instead we try and get past it alone, but that can **** us if we let it. Sometimes it’s better to just walk back the way you came, and smile for a moment.
Nov 7, 2013
Nov 7, 2013 at 10:51 AM UTC
30 Oct 2013
The Room
it is a quaint room
from where I lay at this moment
at the wrong end of the bed
the door is quiet
to the left of that door
there is a silver gap in that door
made as a handle
there is a crimson light switch
flicked downward
the wall where the door and the light switch rest,
is white
to the right of me, there is a baby blue wall
resting on the corner of this wall
and the one behind me
is a small wooden dresser
people have written terrible things
on this dresser, is the fault in our stars
behind me is a window sill, where I sit at night
and where I placed a rock that says "love"
above the window, are light green curtains
I tied them together, to let in light
and drown my demons
to my left there is a desk and chair
with terrible things written on them
I try not to read the bad things
on the desk is some paperwork
I procrastinated filling out
and my menu for tomorrow
the bathroom is small
the shower rooms are inhumane
I want out of here, but I'm trapped
Nov 5, 2013
Nov 5, 2013 at 2:48 PM UTC