I let laughter haunt my mind,
tediously sick of somber.
Sometimes I crack
and find
(with ease at the best times)
I laugh
unhinged,
with no thought of
past crimes.
Together were in madness
on a ******
Sitting on fluffy clouds,
we surrender.
Puddles of tears release,
like rain on a sunny day;
it being so uncanny
to cry.
Wet pockets unrelenting once turned out at bay,
other times feeling runs
dry.
Unusual is where I preside,
I seldom cherish when I thrive.
My rhythm alters; I must dance
once you splash me,
and then spin me
around.
I'm embraced and purposely a tease.
My tears are over too soon,
almost like a sweet tune.
How could such lovely tears last?
In this world so
habitually full of unease.
My skin glistens
long after.
The unforgettable linger makes me feel weak in the knees.
Alike to the moon in the night,
this happy ritual has no need for flight.
Those times and those times only,
I dont want the tears
to stop.
Hysteria corrupts
every drop.
Then everything sets in
slowly.
Dissatisfaction relents on my tongue,
Its painful to laugh when mostly I want to
cry, cry, cry.
I speak but its all bittersweet.
In a ocean of doom I cheat,
I can swim deep in the
dark, dark, dark.
Im soaked
but my passion runs dry.
My throat is quenched
but I resist water.
I fuel the ocean with unfeeling ache that reaches no mark.
Its comfortable to hide,
but painstakingly stubborn.
The same as looking with the lights off for direction,
mindlessly romanticizing utopia.
When I finally see,
I am blinded
with a spotlight overwhelming reinvention.
Flickers of past also corrupt me,
I stay
undefined.
I squint and hold onto the light:
the days full of whimsy and corny jokes.
All awhile,
reminded.
Salty tears only fall
when I
choke.
I gag on the fright:
my pityful fortune.
My lungs loose air.
I can only truly breath,
when I smile with my eyes,
and study
the despair.
I rest up in company,
despite my distortion,
those cherubs make me
sing.
Awkward but
in tune.
I'm seen and
I'm not
scared.
These puddles I soak in:
absorbing the abstract of
all meaning.
Im still unprepared,
by each come June,
weening.
Free me with a soft cry,
so sunny I can't help but grin,
and bathe
in all
I've ever been.
Jan 15
Jan 15, 2026 at 5:49 PM UTC
when someone looks at me,
is my introduction what
they think theyd get?
theres gotta be more to me then this cell-
not just the clumps of cells i project,
but the prison within.
atleast windows are reliable,
no wonder about a double standard,
when both sides are see through and sane.
so many others have been locked in this same cell
it doesnt make me feel better as
im still here alone.
expect for the voices in my head
a imposter in my cell-
hovering in the corner,
the crack in the wall.
as i cry this imposter laughs at my vulnerability
my biggest hater.
my stomach twist says every flaw is right to be torn apart
a tornado building-
no flaw untouched.
the house that supports my head
aches already
i wish the tornado would take that too.
when the words dont come out of my mouth,
is what they see what they get?
i dissociated from myself a long time ago
my conscience is
floating.
hanging
from the rope i tied years ago
the real me wanted to summit to
the knife.
under my unicorn pillow,
not sharp but
cut to ease.
red cut the blue
and lines deepen with my smile
my wrist still stings even though
im clean.
im see through like long sleeves and slit wrists,
but more so like stained glass-
colorful and full of illusion.
clear windows are bland
but atleast theyre reliable.
Aug 1, 2025
Aug 1, 2025 at 4:15 AM UTC
Why didnt you take my heart with you?
sobbing so violently
my ache breaks
b
a
r
r
i
e
r
s.
windows b r e a k once the note hit me
where my hurt is out my chest now.
delayed-
but sumcummed to,
where my heart is only
ha lf.
sound is silent once i reach our home,
as
loud
as
my
tears
can
be
now.
But they cant break between
the b a r r i o r
of
dead and alive,
and im broken but alive.
ur
dead
and
broken.
ha lf
my heart with you.
if only he **** my art with,
i would be set free,
he and me.
Comfort in no more future possibilities.
a sore heart,
without he,
each throb burning.
i hope till theres
nothing left-
your only form now:
a
s
h
e
s.
Jul 10, 2025
Jul 10, 2025 at 12:36 PM UTC
i had a dream last night and u died
i dont rememeber it very well
real life translated to my inner world
music was bumping and my favorite band was playing
a rush provoking scene i still hope will become real
it **** me back to the rocks
a replay of my favorite scene of us all
but this time we hid from the stage
we were led away from the show like fate
ive told myself this day had to come for peace of mind
my words that bounced in my head for so long
unhinged but abided
but now bombed u
booming like the music we heard before
rehearsed and chewed
premeditated
faint of thought my throat spit truth
we release from the rock scene
my heart bumping instead of the lyrics
now in the distance
i throw words at u
but u dont seem surprised
did u know all this time?
then punches
this burden i carried that i thought protected me only protected u
where now u look like cherry pie
no fork no spoon
speared across ur face
and ur neck tattoed
my hands forever printed on u
blueberry is my pie-
bruised and blue
my words didnt phase u
enginating something within me, a release
i takeoff-
im in my blue rocket
destination: homicide
it had to be 3 seconds i flyed
it felt like eternity
the rocket bursts and pieces fly
course breaths consumed the still air
this battle of burden
i thought it was finally over, atleast then it was
did u think i couldnt finish the job?
as u stab each broken piece into urself
u became more broken, disjointed
cliche cherry pie-choosing urself and im stuck with the consequences
i killed u to the naked eye
framing me
blaming me
relief when i wake, thankful for the experience of uncommon honestly inside
a sign that this chapter of thought has been closed
pages left behind and new beginnings to unfold
reflecting on this imagined world-
im left wondering who did i give peace to, me or u?
ur mind is set free and now mine?
racing, running-
infinitely in dreamworld
Jul 10, 2025
Jul 10, 2025 at 12:34 PM UTC
lots of leaves and tall trees
a blue house staring over me
a feeling alone, mocking me
orange sky and ease
angst building as the sun deepens
can i ever be set free?
from this cycle that witholds me-
recurring power to negativity and gloom
can positivity really be enough for me?
to keep rising again, through dark space-
only able to rely on me
light in obvious places, scares me
a trick waiting to point and tease
doors that seem to be js a push away-
yet i pull
im all in on the losing side of tug a war
once i fall only i can pick myself back up
fear in things that might not be as they seem
balance is key
lack of hope is what gets me
impending doom within me
romanticizing potential like a love novel-
too good to be true
neglect: a forever question of truth
unrealiable feel of belong-
only love can make me feel so small
Jul 10, 2025
Jul 10, 2025 at 12:32 PM UTC