The time has come for me to go
the truth has been made clear
within the writing on the wall
I do not belong here.
I've hidden here in shadows dim
not reaching for the light
my heart will cast no shadow now
as broken wings take flight
But rest assured that you are loved
within me you will stay
with heavy heart I leave you now
on this my dying day.
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 5:36 AM UTC
1. I miss you.
2. I miss you.
3. I miss you.
4. I spend two hours or maybe four wondering where you are and what exactly happened between us. I spend more time wondering about you then I do about the world.
5. I still miss you.
6. It's been over 68 days since I last saw your face, but it doesn't matter because I can still recall the way your lips felt, the way your hands touched me. I even remember the way your skin smells, I remember everything about you.
7. I read somewhere that you shouldn't beg someone to stay in your life. If they need to remove themselves allow them too. Perhaps there is more reason behind that fact than I come to justify in my own mind.
8. I think I fell in love with you.
9. I am in love with you.
10. I still miss you.
11. I still love you.
12. We were so bad for each other, but maybe love is a type of poison. One that we learn to endure.
13. All of these are messages I wish I could send you.
14. Find happiness where ever you may be.
15. I'll still love you and I'll miss you dearly.
15. I'll be waiting for you.
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 5:29 AM UTC
You get me high as a kite
Make me wanna dance all night
And that's only when I hear from you.
You bring me down like a bomb
When we can't talk and you're gone
And that's only when I don't hear from you for a week.
You make me think
You make me feel
And I realize this may be real
You make me think
You make me feel
How on earth can this be real
You build me up
You bring me down
But I know it's all in my head
When I'm thinking alone in my bed
I know it's true that you care for me
You've opened up my heart like you had a key.
(I know it's true you care for me)
You made me think
You made me feel
How will I know if this is real?
You make me think
You make me feel
And when I see your eyes I know this is real.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:24 AM UTC
As the poison ran through her veins
She started to lose control
Couldn't breathe
Couldn't talk
Couldn't move
Couldn't think about anything else.
The worst part is that she poisoned herself.
But she won't die, nor will she be okay.
Because this poison is a different kind.
The poison is hopelessness
Being let down
Negative thinking
This poison is her own creation
Specific to her
And the people she cares about can poison her just as easily as they can breathe.
Now she's sitting
Motionless
Speechless
Thoughtless
Breathless
Because the poison has circulated
And it's reached her heart.
But she won't die, nor will she be okay
Because this poison is a different kind.
She physically feels sick
She wants to die
To **** herself
To cut
Drink
Drown
Hang
Shoot
Break
And cry
But she can't.
Because this poison has paralysed her.
This poinsion has taken away
her will to breathe, not her breath itself.
Her will to move, not her mobility itself.
Her will to talk, not her speech itself.
But it has replaced every thought with that of a blade
Or a rope
Or a gun
Or a bottle
Or a pill
Or a lake
Or a building
This poison has polluted we mind and mingled with her blood. The will to **** is a part of her now and there is nothing she can do to escape that.
Despite wanting to sleep for eternity six foot under
This poison cannot **** her
Only she can
And she is close
And willing
And weak enough to attempt.
She cannot think of anything else
And it's all her fault
She created this
She started it all.
If she had succeeded last year, she wouldn't be around to have created this poison.
So until she has hit rock bottom and has a chance at succeeding
She will try to drown her demons
Suffocate her demons
Bleed herself dry of the poison
Consume enough alcohol to alter the poison
But she won't die, nor will she be okay
Because this is a different kind of poison
And she is already dead inside.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:20 AM UTC
As ugly as you think you are.
You are wrong.
You're hideous
Atrocious looking
Horrifying
Scarily unattractive
Disgusting
As mean and awful as you think you are.
You are wrong.
You're disgraceful to the human race
A terrible person
A horrendous representation
A stupid waste of air an space
As messed up a you think you are
You are wrong.
You are so far gone that not even a saint could save you
So ******* up in your mind that you'd give a serial ****** killer nightmares
So doomed that your holiday spot is hell.
Worst of wishes and muh hate
Me.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:09 AM UTC
But because of the kind words you
Said
Wrote
Typed
Whispered
and Sent
To me
It is not a permanent goodbye
Or even the though of one.
Because of what you have
Said
Written
Typed
Whispered
and Sent
To me
It is just a silly goodnight note
From a stupid girl
To an amazing person,
An unimportant rambling
From a insignificant girl
To a monumental person
A pointless letter
From a waste-of-space girl
To a superior person
A unnecessary reminder
From a useless girl
To the most valued person
This is a goodnight
And a have a good weekend
And a enjoy your next few days
From a horrible person
A repulsive person
A unenjoyable person
To a great man
A fantastic man
A most enjoyable person
Goodbye
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:08 AM UTC
What upset you?
That He chose Her over You?
No.
What upset you is
That He will never have to chose between Her and You
Because
You
are
so
Ugly
Stupid
Repulsive
Annoying
Pointless
Worthless
Unwanted
Unnecessary
Space waster
Good for nothing
Disgrace of humanity
That no one would every chose you
Especially not when given an option
as amazing as Her
And no one half as brilliant as
He is would ever look at you
twice
Him being nice to you means nothing - he is a kind person
You being there for Him means nothing - you were the only one online
Her being with Him means everything - he really likes her
So what upset you?
The fact that you're not worth so much as knowing your name,
let alone choosing over someone
else.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:06 AM UTC
I am not who I seem
I will never be that girl from your dream.
If you start to care
You'll see what isn't there
You will see past that girl who wears black and scowled at pink and dresses
Wants to be a rebel
Wants to be a badass
Wants to be cool
You will learn to see past that exterior
You will know I'm not all attitude and insults
You will realize that that girl who cusses and fights isn't all there is
Then maybe you'll see deeper.
There's another girl
One who wants to dress up
Feel pretty
Wants to be a princess
Someone who wants to be like the people she admires
A little girl who wants to be cute with a guy
Someone who wants to skip around and be one of those lead people in the movies
Someone who cares
Loves
Laughs
Appreciates beauty in butterflies
Tries to help her friends
Loves very easily and quickly
Deep down you'll see that I'm actually a fragile softie who cares too quickly
Gets hurt too easily
And apologizes too much.
Even below that is the person who is unhappy
The one who is self hate
Stupidity
Recklessness
Self-destruction
The little sad girl that slits her skin and cries herself to sleep
But maybe I you manage to survive all that without letting all my **** destroy you (like it has so many others)
Then maybe
Just maybe
You'll get to meet Them
The part of me that created the 5 minute death game
The part that looked up how to tie a noose
And the one that collects pills
The self torturous part
Not just the fel pitying part
And then maybe if you manage to get through all of that you will find my heart
Cut up
Shattered
Bruised
Scarred
Stitched
And infected
Chained to the walls I build around myself
Pulling me apart
The heart that has bullet holes and battle wounds
The one leaving blood stains on what was my soul
The black mass of hell that is at the center of my being.
An if you're stupid enough, you'll make me love you.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:04 AM UTC
You asked me do I hate you
You asked me do I believe you
You asked me why I trust you
What was your intention ?
When I answered
No
Yes
Yes
What was your intention
Did you aim to make me hate you
Did you try to make me disbelieving
Did you want to break my trust in you
What was your intention
I told you to hurt me.
You said no
No
No
No
No
No
NO
What was your intention
I dared you to hurt me
And you said you would never intentionally hurt me
What was your intention
And then you did
And you told me it was intentional
What was your intention
What the **** do you want from me??!
What the **** do you want me to do??!
What the **** was I thinking??!
What the **** was your intention??!
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 8:01 AM UTC
I told you I trusted you
I told you I loved you
I told you I care
I told you I try to help
I told you I believe you
You told me you loved me
You told me you cared
You told me to trust you
You told me I was important
You told me you would never intentionally hurt me
And I was stupid enough to believe it all.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 7:59 AM UTC