Devotion is an anchor, pulling and unrelenting
Gratitude slips in, a lonely mother
Blessing and smiling
Hoping and surviving.
Admiration is my sword;
My sharp edge against resentment.
Where I could have been;
Would have been
And the sadness folded within.
The love I give outweighs
The incessant preachings of all that is wrong.
Hopelessly tethered to you
Because punishment is my purpose.
Anger stretches, crawling across eternity
Slowly swallowing time as it comes back around
And watches itself walk into the trap.
The supple indignation
From physically being where my mental is not;
From emotionally screaming while outwardly being docile
All the while–
Lobotomized childlike tantrums
shoving aside the wisdom for a petty resolve.
the sun never bled into the sea;
She rose and sank with nothing changing at all.
Here in this love
Virtue is perverted
Inverted wishes just to not die
Disruptive to the otherwise meditative
Collaborative effort to be ignorant
Where bliss is the open wound that only complains.
Nov 27, 2025
Nov 27, 2025 at 9:44 PM UTC
I gave you the softest parts of me—
not to be etched with your absence,
but to be held like something sacred.
You mistook my silence for surrender,
my patience for permission
to translate my worth
into your dialect of deficiency.
I kept shrinking,
hoping you'd stop asking me to stretch
into shapes that broke me.
But even silence thundered
when it was you echoing inside it.
You wanted me holy—
while you played god with my peace.
But where was the audit?
Where was the reckoning
for all the times I arrived
as more than you deserved
and still left with less than I needed?
I begged the universe for balance,
and it gave me you—
a lesson wrapped in longing,
a storm disguised as stillness.
I wore almost like a second skin.
until it blistered:
almost loved,
almost safe,
almost enough.
Now, I gather the fragments—
not to rebuild you,
but to remember me.
Because healing isn’t ornamental,
but it’s mine.
And this time,
I won’t apologize
for the fire
that finally burned you out of me.
I’m tired of drowning
in the shape of someone else’s healing,
tired of being the altar
where guilt is laid like offerings.
So I take—
not out of want,
but necessity.
To stop giving to ghosts
who never learned how to stay.
This time,
I light the match,
watch the echoes burn.
Sep 9, 2025
Sep 9, 2025 at 12:56 AM UTC
i just wanted something normal
something that made life make a little more sense
but since you have no inkling on the meaning
of what peace is
and love seems to be the bane of your existence
insistent on making me suffer you.
my love for you, a redeeming quality
to be a blessing for a curse
each day seems to be worse
with a random sparkling moment
just to hold me hostage longer.
i thought i was stronger
and you seem to brighten when i fail to enlighten;
when i am my vulnerable self.
who hurt you?
because now you are the poster child for why i need to heal.
and theres nothing gracious about breaking:
clawing me down just to prove you're real.
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 12:20 AM UTC
i dont like the feelings you give me
like discarded gifts with ripped wrapping paper,
a "sorry" and a promise for more later.
anger builds like a carpenter early in the morning
restructuring and stabilizing walls i put up
for people like you, and i knew but here i am.
always relying on the world outside myself
to lend a hand. and god **** can i breathe please?
suffocating on everything you think i should be
where's the spiritual audit?
where's karma?
where's the righteous accounting for being everything i said i was, for not doing the things you think i did, and for not dying.
no cameras to show how ****** up this all is,
no one to hold my hand tightly as they say what i really needed to hear two years ago:
NOT THIS ONE.
Jun 10, 2025
Jun 10, 2025 at 8:54 PM UTC
I wake up creaking,
stiff and wanting to cry,
from pain or sadness,
I'm not sure.
I wake up not here:
still dancing in lilac fields
where nothing seems to matter,
where you disappear
and my stress follows.
I wake up not wanting to;
wishing I could turn over
and rock myself back to oblivion.
I wake up cursing
and I know it's a new day.
I know the sun comes back around
but fate seems like a ************
and it won't let me in
am I going to be great
or am I just here?
I wake up waiting.
May 28, 2025
May 28, 2025 at 7:48 PM UTC
When existing is the same as breathing in water
Drowning, sinking to the bottom of the deepest sea
As the sun gets tired from making everyone else shine
And dips her weakened toes into the depths of what is
Slipping past what could be and slumbering
At the edge of every river i’ve cried
Trying to be more than the dead end of the void.
May 22, 2025
May 22, 2025 at 10:54 PM UTC
I am here
And that baffles me
How much longer
Must i fake;
Must i lie like i
Love to love the love we love
Thats in love because love is a mask that never was.
I am what i am
And that baffles them
How much longer
Will i die inside
Writhing and screaming
Waiting for the world to be what it should be and end.
Like a pickup line to my sanity
Ill rip through the void;
Ill crack; burst apart eventually.
What fears ail me
So intangible yet enshrouding
Blinding me as i walk the coals
Of your speech and reverie
Is it your life im shamelessly
Crouching in the corner of?
Is it your soul im eating
Snake end to end
Unraveling and racing towards the beginning
Just to be at the end.
Apr 22, 2025
Apr 22, 2025 at 7:15 PM UTC
i wanna go to sleep
and never wake up
i want the world to stop,
to halt mid spin
and breathe me into the nothing,
the black abyss that awaits
deaths kiss, and id beg
to be released
to be let go of
break me so i can go home
**** whats left of my sanity
so i can check out
and never come back again.
Mar 22, 2025
Mar 22, 2025 at 9:50 PM UTC
you disrupt me
I'm feeling too much at once
I'm feral but only where you cant see
the line between what makes you
and what hates me
is too close
unsteady in the corners that shielded me
hoping they protect me
from what has always eaten away at me
I give too much
I feel in infinities
"Some infinities are bigger than..."
I wished and I prayed
but hope seems to lag
passive aggressively sailing on by
demanding I switch to live
urging that the way to combat
the will to give
is to take.
Mar 17, 2025
Mar 17, 2025 at 8:55 PM UTC
Veiled wounds in the mind
A tired soul cant use honey to catch the flies
Too many attempts, blood flows when she tries
A mirage of water in a desert;
The illusion of calm serenity
Parched and starving on your ideology
I sit wading in the dark, impatiently.
What darkness spills forth now
As the disillusionment wanes
What power in the emptiness
The numb causality of being callously tamed:
A caged animal will bite the hand that bleeds it.
Mar 15, 2025
Mar 15, 2025 at 9:57 PM UTC