I hate you the way I love her..
fiercly, unceasingly, through eternity..
Her? It looks at me with disbelief
She is just skin and flesh.
She is a lie. She is my slave.
I KNOWWW!!!!!
an echo lurks in that shadowed sanctum,
My sight blurred with blood, venom in my gaze.
But she taught me what love was,
I murmur beneath my breath
while you suffocated me, in a sky swallowed by night
She painted the night with stars and moon
So I can gaze at a sparkling diamond, in black velvet
while I hurt, shatter, and scatter,
So I still find a stupid Tender light,
So I don't search my way up to heaven
So I shine after you crumble me into dust
So I live to endure you and cruelty
And maybe I hate you more than I love her
cause you drown her bones in agony
And I have to stand there powerless,
while you wound her, starve her,
while you exile her sleep and torture her,
NO NO NO, HUSH NOW,
her tears cut through the quiet,
Who spoke those into your ears??
She cast a question into a void
while I stared into the hurt in her gaze..
I was creating a shield for us,
from this hideous demon,
I fix my eyes to meet it,
And I see hurt where I was to see cruelty
I see wounds where I was to see wickedness
I see love where I was to see a void
and it has a smile stitched with pain,
I am clouded by what lies before me,
I scream, trying to put the puzzles together
And she holds me as if I will break apart
She whispers, "It never caused you or me any harm."
But these scars in your hands,
It made you carve them, didn't it?
But you have not eaten.
cause it altered its chemicals to starve you..
Your head hurts cause,
It didn't let you sleep, didn't it?
Honey, while I am hurt,
It only hurts in the flesh,
when you are hurt,
It only hurts in the soul,
but it its neurons are wounded,
Every time we are hurt,
and it endured it all,
not once did it speak through its pain.
Why am I wounded when you are hurt...
3d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 7:15 AM UTC
“It was not your fault.”
Every soul around me murmurs,
while I tremble and shake, coming undone.
A few moments pass, and I stare at the wall,
while my aching soul whispers to me:
I hope it was…
And I feel guilty for hoping so.
For whom? You ask.
I do not really know.
But between you and me,
I hope it was all my fault.
Perhaps then, my suffering would have a cause—
karma, as you beings call it.
Then I could convince myself:
I deserve this.
The pain, the suffering, the falling apart
every stitch on my ******* scar,
Every time I collapsed,
trying to hold my head, plucking my hair
begging the floor to swallow me whole;
Yet the wall remains silent...
cause maybe it also thinks
"It was never my fault."
and pittys me, for the cruelty of
knowing, none of it was ever my fault.
May 13
May 13, 2026 at 10:50 AM UTC
I'd cross oceans,
I'd pour out all the love I have in me,
even if I were to be an empty shell
Cause I am written by the love I pour
not by what is placed in my hands
cause i could not have been there yesterday,
And I might not be here tomorrow,
I will leave all of you one day
Then, when you cremate my body
I hope you find no love in my ashes
I hope you find it scattered like wishpers
in places and people,
I left behind for you to find...
Apr 30
Apr 30, 2026 at 10:43 AM UTC
Such a wimp!
I cursed that little girl I was,
too faint-hearted to face what she witnessed
cause that bitch's pale heart is,
Why I still tremble, my hands shiver, and my eyes swell
I hated her, that coward four-year-old I once was...
until fate turned the tables,
to let me know how fragile thin my soul was
And I stood there once more, seized by terror,
And while time holds still before I crumble up and shatter
All I do is admire her and her bravery,
And I wish to go back in time and ask the little shaken girl,
How'd she sleep without the pills I need now?
How'd she eat without vitamins to feed her?
How'd she smile without drawing cuts in her little hands?
How'd she not think of bleeding herself to death even once?
How did she carry me here, without knowing she would?
I am choked by the cures that keep me alive,
while you survived on nothing but breath.
How, Aairya? How?
Apr 30
Apr 30, 2026 at 9:11 AM UTC
I'd rather live as an outcast
in this grey world,
than in the rainbow world of the fairy tales,
dreamt up by eyes dazzled in neon glare
where good is all violet and bad all black,
the world's actual grey, and at least I know that
The shades are scattered everywhere I go,
a little darker here, a little light there
Some lean into shadow, some into light
seen and shaped by every pair of eyes
Apr 25
Apr 25, 2026 at 11:08 PM UTC
What are u looking for?
I am looking for a hug
for someone to hold me tight,
and whisper into my ears,
"I am here, and you shall be fine."
So I fear, I shall lose this battle
and death will hold me tight and take me home,
home.
not the apartment in an unknown city
not my dad's house in a known city,
but home, where silence comforts and
speaks my stories,
Maybe that's why
I find it beautiful, death.
Apr 25
Apr 25, 2026 at 10:54 PM UTC
I have drowned in the oceans so deep,
I no longer hold any traces of air to my skin
My lungs have been drenched by the blue, so utterly
My mind holds only shadows of
How sweet it is to have air to breathe
How beautiful it was, not to be suffocated
by this hollow, darkness that has no end to it
And how do I find light in this darkness?
When I no longer know
how to breathe in the air, I am to find...
Apr 21
Apr 21, 2026 at 7:30 AM UTC
I am walking home,
and a lady halts me in the street.
She carries some playful queries,
meant to be pondered by me.
She states,
"Which superpower would you possess?"
And I smile, crookedly,
For my soul has walked this passage a hundred times.
So my heart urges me to voice my soul,
declare to this realm:
I would wish to transform into a tree,
deep in a shadowed forest where no man could find me,
where i would be alive enough to breathe,
Yet not enough to hurt.
Where my branches wouldn't be cut,
unknowingly by these mortals,
and the fall of my leaves would be beautiful,
never forced to be hidden by the ways of the world.
Where the cracks in my wood
are justified by storms and thunder,
And my wounded bark is free
to be fragile beneath the watching wind and verdure.
Where I am not obliged to stay green
where I could rot away, as I wish to be
where I could find some peace,
And I am keenly aware,
of my soul's longing to have this,
"Superpower," as you mortals have named it
Yet I pause,
and gracefully answer the lady waiting:
"I would want to fly—anywhere, anytime."
And I walk away, while the lady's voice fades
As my mind’s chamber silences my heart,
my voice is buried beneath reason,
and my longing to be a tree
remains hidden among the unwritten laws of mortals.
Apr 2
Apr 2, 2026 at 11:35 AM UTC
Can I please turn over some timelines
some memories, some people, some relations
cause the bonds ought to be stronger
are now fragile,
held by some mere strings of misunderstandings,
ready to break, if confronted
the air, sighs with me, passing through
It seems also in grief, seeing diplomacy
only the hold to the fragile,
Did it stretch too far, or did we compress too far
Or is it that, what I am longing
was just some excitement of new people and new faces
which have discovered, each other, not to disturb again
Am i expecting much?
cause i still hold, myself to the peoples and memories
denying, once upon time, while cheering my memories
as if they were some tales
Cause i still have a mere hope,
that the fragile, would stand up stronger
and this desire to, switch timelines would disappear
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 9:27 AM UTC
Would you weep beside my grave?
Will your soul be shattered?
upon the news of my absence
Would your heart wrench, mercifully?
when my eyes could no longer hold love in them,
Would you smile with watery eyes,
cherishing me and my aliveness,
or shove me down in a corner,
dead as I already am...
Mar 12
Mar 12, 2026 at 10:49 AM UTC