Attempting to research healing herbs,
I can't forget your words
Or shake this feeling of self destructive hate.
You told me to accept me,
But I met that angrily
Wondering why my passions less than yours?
Was it you or I to start? Which one had a change of heart? Did I deny the importance of our origin?
When will I forget my ****
Leave it out there in the pit?
Bending back all my silver spoons..
All they say is: "yeah real cute."
Actions, words, and ideals moot.
It's why I second guessing to this day...
Sat back and just waited still
Spared me of the etox pill
Gave me space to let me find myself.
Outer space ain't big enough,
So you're back to actin' tough
And I seem to meet it all with a big
**** You!"
A dandelion punk,
A ******* ****
PMA* is all I need.
I'll unearth the roots one day,
Until then, bye.
Mar 29, 2016
Mar 29, 2016 at 12:33 AM UTC
A note to my students: I'm a little bit sorry at times because our relationship is strained. I love you but I have to take care of you, have to push you, have to enforce the rules.
I would take you in and have a party for you but then you usually end up making a mess.
I'm sorry she is mean to you sometimes. I'm sorry he's not around.
You can come live in my brain and things will be okay there. We can eat poprocks for lunch and sing Christmas carols. I'll teach you how to read and tie your shoes.
I'll sing every song you ever wanted to hear, only if we can stay safe forever. We will skateboard and play cards, chew gum and play hopscotch.
You'll never have to say the word "miss" nor will you have to feel it.
We will speak only our language. We will tap into your fears and your obstacles. Then we'll kick them outta town, like every one who's ever hurt you.
We'll stay 5 and 24 forever but learn so much as we go.
You might forget me, but I won't forget you.
Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 12:54 AM UTC
A blanket for you, please cover yourself.
It took so many knots to bring it together.
Now I'm stuck sleeping underneath it, feeling like I cant remember anything but dreams.
It's been in my closet anyways, next to my dying kombucha mother.
They're out of sight, so they are out of mind.
Thank you, I love you but that's only because I know half of you.
I feel better at your house because I have no attachments to your person.
I had one but he has fled now.
Thank you for the blanket Becky, maybe I forgot to tell you.
Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 12:41 AM UTC
Year after year
The same thing happens
On your birthday
Blue
Pink
Disgust
Jun 5, 2015
Jun 5, 2015 at 12:55 AM UTC
I gotta tell you not to miss those times cause we'll be missing our whole lives. If you gain deep sadness for the past it's sometimes greeted with sharp knives.
Like when I learned of **** at native boarding schools or watched a peaceful protest met with fists.
I'm not sure if I should **** myself or grow extremely ******
I'm paralyzed with grief but need to turn it into action.
I feel as though I've been caught in a great illusion of greed and satisfaction. When distance is measured in numbers, it seems so far away.
But all this **** is here and now, it's happening each day.
Where should I really point the gun and when will I be trialed?
Long before the man who bluffed about abusing his wife and child. Where's the real justice here? In this backwards, ****** up place?
We're forced into such confines due to our gender and race.
Today is the day I break the chains, I think I'm going to snap.
No one's safe until you get out, until then it's all a trap.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 12:00 AM UTC
It felt like the last time that I would ever experience this again
so of course, I missed it before it even ended
My grandfather sat in the passenger seat
saying he hoped he made it to his sixtieth anniversary
no turning back now, dad
said my own father
we won't live forever my grandfather said
my uncle to my right talked of a man freezing himself
he was coerced he was coerced
he told us, as if it was such a bad thing to be frozen
your brain cells multiply though
don't give her any more ideas
star wars got its ideas from star trek
I will never be this young again
I may never hear these words again
It was a nice time though, just to be
Mar 14, 2014
Mar 14, 2014 at 9:35 PM UTC
They try to tell me....
because I'm depressed I've got a disease
that there's no one else out there who feels quite like me
that I'm at fault for wearing my heart on my sleeve
these transitional times should just come with ease
But.......
how can you expect me to believe
when we live in a world that neglects history
who puts life behind titles and paid salary
that puts you down if you act or think differently
It's just......
things aren't so great within our own family
we've made want out-weigh personal responsibility
made wars with ourselves because of society
made wars with ourselves because of supremacy
I feel........
like I don't want to commit to this fatality
that the pressure is on to become what they want me to be
that I can't do it because of lack of diplomacy
because of my desire to aid those in poverty
but they say......
**** like that is never going to get you anywhere, honestly
that you should do what gives you the greatest lump sum of money
forget about the low lives, they've chosen their destiny
you have the choice now to become your own entity
But I say...
I know that we all aren't so far from one identity
that we could unite in our sadness and stop living so separately
that there is a way in which we can think optimistically
it just calls for a revolt, something to change drastically
Mar 4, 2014
Mar 4, 2014 at 2:24 PM UTC
My friend has these eyes
flecks of gold hold vast to her pupils
sorrow is magnified in them
as she looks at the gray world
My friend has these eyes
they see color in small things
create masterpieces when she focuses them
but disregard the true beauty they see in the mirror
My friend has these eyes
I wish she could trade with my own
so she could see her eyes the way I see them
and understand what looking into them is like
My friend has these eyes
I know not what mysteries they have seen
know not the acuteness of their vision
nor the times they have bathed in a sea of saltwater tears
My friend, you have eyes so why can't you see?
The beauty that surrounds the emotion you project
onto the world?Good, bad, and despairing
Feb 27, 2014
Feb 27, 2014 at 10:24 PM UTC
well the memory has let me down once more
there I stood, in front of my t.v. in a bath robe and bunny slippers
spit bubbles forming on my lower lip
I kept hitting the same button over and over
"where the hell are the controls for this thing" my body yells as my hand waves from my mouth to my pocket
now it's all black and white
so I guarantee I have stayed up too long
"I have control, I have control"
I hum over and over as I hold the remote
Someones out of batteries
"This guy"
Feb 21, 2014
Feb 21, 2014 at 1:24 AM UTC
Those words that were coined as a cliche mean more than we shall ever guess.
We need not understand them until the adrenaline wears off like the lipstick of a pale moon's night.
Change becomes so inert, it feels as though we are watching Neptune orbit the sun.
We tie a knot and leap.
Days and nights pass in a tangle
Such as a tumbleweed hitting our tire on a warm desert car ride.
The peaks and valleys we ride create a rhythm that plays to the metronome of the heart.
They can make us sick some times,
While other times we can't help but stare in amazement at such imperfectly beautiful things.
I wish I could take it all with me:
The land, the sky, the scent
I never want to face myself again because of where I ventured to before it all.
I find myself high up on a mountain, hearing the memories of the earth as well as the memories my own spherical entities have held and let go, all at the same time.
As I make my way down from the peak to another valley, I realise I do not have enough room to hold such masterpieces..within my frontal lobe or my backseat window.
For I am not alone. I began this journey as a we.
However what I took from it all was specifically mine.
We are united in our separateness.
With each scene passing us by, we notify ourselves change has set in. Maybe not all together outwardly but intermittently internally.
The first cut is the deepest and although we are attuned to what's going on in our outside world, our inner world has already began rebuilding itself without us even acknowledging it.
It may take reading a list of cliches on a mountain for us to the recognize the small change, but it is there, like an unforeseen star in the night
sky.
Feb 4, 2014
Feb 4, 2014 at 1:15 AM UTC