its winter again & i knew this would happen.
is seasonal depression just a supple state of mind?
can i control how i feel & not let how i feel control me?
maybe you can.
you. not me.
everything is cold in the winter.
even on days like today when it's 65 degrees in mid january.
my free spirit feels caged.
my pale body feels heavy,
carrying both extra pounds & the weight of my emotions.
i got a call as i was writing this.
i feel so lonely but i don't want to see anyone.
... i would like to see one person,
but he only likes me when everything is in color.
"he" is a pronoun used in place of a name that changes constantly like a revolving door. of men.
i always feel like it's me who gets left out to dry
in the cold.
it's winter now.
when i have my coffee tomorrow
& get into my car
i could try to be less morbid
& not consume myself in the bleak thoughts of paying for my overpriced cappuccino
or the inconvenience i find in pumping my own gas
or the boy who doesn't love me
or the dream i had last night about a man who did.
i'll burn a few cigarettes down on my way & feel good for a moment.
**** even.
sad-girl pleasing aesthetic.
maybe i just find comfort in wallowing in my tragedies & blaming it on the seasons.
i knew this would happen.
it always does in the winter.
Jan 12, 2020
Jan 12, 2020 at 9:45 PM UTC
They say it pays to get an education,
But now there’s the debt of an entire generation.
It seems like all of our teenagers are struggling with depression
Employing our social media or our real-world personalities is a matter of discretion.
Our climate is changing at an outrageous rate,
& that’s a defensible fact, not a political debate.
Drug addiction is rampant & unemployment is high
In this abysmal nation which we willingly glorify.
Religion & politics should never interlace
But in a government with corruption, that’s simply not the case.
You’d think we’d push forward, rather than regress
Yet there’s large groups of people we overtly repress.
Most of our roots are of foreign descent,
Yet the thought of outsiders makes us grossly discontent.
A new shooting every month is to be expected
Yet we can’t finalize ways to keep our children protected.
In the 21st century, a woman still can’t decide
Legislation by men by which she has to abide.
& with millions living below the poverty line
Shouldn’t that serve to be some sort of sign
That the ways in which we bolster America
& make other countries feel small
Have no truth to support our claims to greatness
Not even a little bit,
Not even at all?
May 29, 2019
May 29, 2019 at 7:17 AM UTC
My parents weren’t raised in era of the screen;
A time when I get so caught up in virtual reality
I feel like I could scream.
We are all products of our environments
But I wish mine was different.
I wish we weren’t a
Screen-obsessed-
Never at rest-
Always wanting to be better than the next-
Trying to live up to unrealistic expectations-
That we see on the screens of these human creations-
uncaring , unaffected, unable to engage generation.
Technology makes life efficient,
But it also makes us belligerent.
& like a bird in a cage
I feel trapped by the age
Of people whose view of the present
Is obstructed by what my parents would call the innovations of the future.
May 27, 2019
May 27, 2019 at 2:41 PM UTC
if the ocean would carry me
it'll collapse under the weight of my bones
made with cement and steel
and the burden each brick owns
witness the waves howler and scream
just like the heart caged in my chest
blood bubbling around the muscle
surging with every beat and protest
the bottom of the sea may be quiet
like my tongue folded neatly in my mouth
though feral beasts deep within
choke with pressure more than i can count
the ocean and i are seperate
both flowers from different gardens
one ephemeral, one wilting before your eyes
but both's head tilting up to the heavens
sorrowful eyes, swirling, storm awakening
chaos mingling betwixt water and blood
ravid souls in dire need of feeding
cursed and blessed by god
i wonder if i could carry the ocean
within just the corners of my palm
i and the ocean - we are one
a catastrophe after the calm
Mar 18, 2019
Mar 18, 2019 at 5:36 PM UTC
don’t be scared,
grow a pair
because danger is exciting
& women are inviting.
emotions are a defect,
if you cry, you’re a reject.
go to the gym
you’re weaker than him.
don’t wear pink, that’s for girls.
this is what it’s like to be a man in this world.
be the alpha, always win
“she’s flirting with you bro, you’re so in.”
do the team, not ballet.
you are the predator, never the prey.
this is what we teach our boys today
& if you’re not this, then dude, you’re so gay.
Mar 18, 2019
Mar 18, 2019 at 5:25 PM UTC
i still talk to you at night,
even though you're never there,
so i can say all the words
i would choke on
if i ever got to say them
to your face.
you don't deserve to see my vulnerability.
Oct 18, 2018
Oct 18, 2018 at 7:56 AM UTC
We are all silhouettes
Wrapped in the tapestry
Of a blooming night
Outlines etched messily
Into a cotton wool sky
Beautifully imperfect
A stray wisp illuminates
Sings sweet like our
Honey bee laughs
We smile, always
Endlessly sunshine yellow
For here we are youth
Wild like dandelions
Rebelling against being
A common flower
We paint the word ****
In shining glitter
Send it to outer space in
A paper airplane
Then dance on crazily
Like the night is infinite
Dreaming for a forever
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018 at 10:18 PM UTC
I stumbled upon you
Like a child
that finds a pretty stone
Bewildered by your presence
I sat and admired
Counting your cracks
Caressing what makes you glitter
You stood infront of me
Bold and beautiful
Like nothing I'd ever seen
And as you gave me your attention
I think I misconstrued your intentions
I wanted to put you in my pocket
But you said no
So there you sit
Perfectly unpolished
A love
I can only visit
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018 at 10:09 PM UTC
I let him in
Through the back door
He alone
Holds the password.
Seldom knocks
But often enough;
Through the tiny peephole
Of the unresolved,
I take the chain
Off the door.
I keep my skirt
While he unbuttons my heart
That door policy is rough
But he earns my trust;
That love hurts
'Til a gentle push.
Unlock
The secrets to my core;
The fissure
Of pleasure
For a full-frontal
Of my soul.
He sneaks
In the back door
Only he knows
The password;
No one is welcome
But one.
Oct 8, 2018
Oct 8, 2018 at 9:35 PM UTC
It’s a sickness of the mind
Clouding judgements, thoughts, visions
It leaves you utterly blind
To all you leave behind
And quite soon you will find
You made all the wrong decisions
It breaks your every bone
Leaves you crying and alone
It all happened so fast
Your life slipped out of your grasp
Before you could start to say
“Come back, I love you, please stay”
Love is doomed to fail
Of that you must be sure
Sadness will prevail
Your face is going pale
Your heart is oh so frail
Can’t force love to be pure
Hearts break and shatter
So better to keep it hidden
Away from all the chatter
From those you think matter
Ignore the pitter-patter
Or the ache again will begin
It breaks your every bone
Leaves you crying and alone
It all happened so fast
Your life slipped out of your grasp
Before you could start to say
“Come back, I love you, please stay”
Sep 18, 2018
Sep 18, 2018 at 10:14 AM UTC