phoenix93
American
I started writing in late 2010. By March of 2011, though, I picked up the form of writing that I currently use. It's kinda like a sonnet, but very loosely bound by what makes a poem a sonnet. I write mostly for myself, though I have written for others. I came to this site by a friend's recommendation, and started posting my new stuff here as well as the website I've been on for the last two years. If anyone is at all intersted, you can find those old poems on that website. http://www.mibba.com/Member/219772/Poems/ Anyway. I've gotten some great responses to the things I've posted so far, and I hope to continue in my success. I also wish to help others through my own writing. I hope all who read my work will enjoy it, and find some merit in them. Each poem has a message, and I only want that message to help myself and others grow in their personal lives. Thanks for dropping by! / / ~Squoski
Just because you don't have it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
You pretend you know what it's like trying to live with this.
"You're just lazy, you don't want to do it. Just like your father."
I'm just scared, too heartbroken to push myself or even bother.
Social anxiety is a real thing you filthy ******* ****
So is depression, stupid ***** So don't pull that stunt.
You say you know, that you've lived with it too. Obviously ******* not.
Not to the same degree since you've pushed farther than I've fought.
You admitted doing a ****** job trying to raise me, yet it's still all on me.
As if I'm just supposed to fix it in the blink of an eye, and set it all free.
Really? You think that's how this works? You think you know it all?
**** you, ***** I hope you burn. Because I know it's all your fault.
Don't tell me you love me. Don't tell me your proud.
Don't tell me you support me when all you do is bring me down.
Jul 1, 2015
Jul 1, 2015 at 11:02 PM UTC
Opportunity strikes when you least expect.
Even when you feel you don't deserve it's respect.
When all seems lost and you can't see the light,
And all you have to go on is the hope that this is right.
Be strong. Be true. Cast away all the fear and doubt.
There's good in you. The darkness can't keep it out.
Be afraid of the failure, the weakness, and the end.
Embrace it not as the enemy, the obstacle, but as a friend.
Numb to the world, you can never get away.
Numb to your soul, you can never heal the pain.
This golden opportunity, a chance, a rebirth.
Provided by the Heavenly Father, not by this earth.
Though faith may be weak, and you feel that this is wrong.
Carry on with hope. For in truth, it won't be long.
May 23, 2015
May 23, 2015 at 9:55 AM UTC
"If anyone were to get a second chance, it'd be you."
Well I'm sorry I can't say the same. It wouldn't be true.
Truth is, I'd never consider you again. Only ever her.
The one that got away; was never really mine. Yeah. Her.
The one I fell in love with, who couldn't love me back.
The one who's life I nearly ruined; completely threw off track.
I'd give anything to have a shot. To try to make her happy.
But she's where she needs to be. And I just feel too ******
She's with the one she truly loves, and that's where she'll stay.
I'm happy for her and for them, I don't want to get in the way.
I wish I could talk to her, I wish I could forget. Just let go.
I'll always wonder. Always dream. Shame, I'll never know.
I miss her smile, her voice, her touch. I'll never get to know.
But she's right where she ought to be. I have to just let go.
Mar 15, 2015
Mar 15, 2015 at 5:44 AM UTC
****** why have I forsaken You? What have I done?
I want to find my heart at the barrel of a gun.
I look for some happiness, but I need someone to hurt.
I wear this all over my sleeve. Hell it's the whole ******* shirt.
I find refuge in the parties. In the brothers and the *****
It distracts me from the pain. Makes me think I didn't lose.
I find that happiness at the bottom of every bottle.
And that's certainly better than at the necks I want to throttle.
I'm almost afraid of being an alcoholic. But at least I'm still alive?
Am I alive? Really? Or just a broken husk? I definitely cannot thrive.
Thrive in this world of pain, hunger, and loss. Win what isn't there.
Hope, love, happiness, fulfillment. I'd look, but I don't know where.
Happiness at the bottom of the bottle, but at least I'm still here.
I don't even care if I fall in head first. At least I won't feel fear.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 5:02 PM UTC
What happens when the phoenix doesn't rise?
What will come of his legacy, the day he finally dies?
Will it all have been for naught? Will it all have been in vain?
Would it matter how much he fought? Or how he handled pain?
What happens if he becomes mortal? A man covered in soot.
Wings burned away in ashes, and forced to walk on foot.
Is this man truly strong? Or like all else, will he be weak?
This fallen phoenix of hope and love, forced to become meek.
Will the gates ever again open for him? Or forever remain shut?
Has he lost his way to freedom? Or just simply down on his luck?
This one will not rise. And he may not carry on.
Who will really miss him, when his legacy is gone?
Back at home in the chains, mere flight was just a dream.
A childish thing of empty hope. Or at least, that's how it seems.
Jan 4, 2015
Jan 4, 2015 at 4:30 AM UTC
My fears have been made real. And in them, I've become whole.
My deepest wounds have healed by trusting in Him alone.
Three years today. Three years, I have fought.
I've been battered and worn. Sold and Traded. But finally, I've been bought.
I was purchased with blood, resurrected by grace, every time I fell.
I fought so hard, lost so much, and wandered through my own hell.
I never had the weapons I needed. Never had the strength I pursued.
Starving in mind, spirit, and flesh, I could never find any food.
Angels came along the way to direct me where to go.
To lead me back to the One I know. Leading me back home.
The road was long. The journey was far. Several times, I lost my way.
Even now, my destination is far. But I've finally seen the break of day.
In faith, I'm being remade. With love, I've learned to rebuild.
With what I've lost and rediscovered, my heart has been refilled.
Mar 31, 2014
Mar 31, 2014 at 1:03 AM UTC
How could I possibly flinch when I know that I've come so far?
Is it because of all the memories? Trauma from all the scars?
I can never think of what to do or even what to say.
The insecurities blind my path so I cannot find my way.
What was a golden opportunity now seems to have gone adrift.
The tide binds me forever still as I watch this forming rift.
Afraid that I'm not good enough or that this will surely fail,
I make my fears my reality and I'm not strong enough to prevail.
If I just had a faint glimpse of what it is I'm supposed to do,
I could rise up against myself and not be so terrified of you.
I know how you feel, I've been in your shoes. But patience won my heart.
So now, I pray that your patience remains. That this won't just fall apart.
But how will I go on til then? How can I spare myself more pain?
How do I overcome this doubt and grow to be unafraid?
Jan 9, 2014
Jan 9, 2014 at 2:25 AM UTC
What would it be like to not be weighted down by fear?
To lift up off the ground, and fly anywhere but here?
To defy gravity at it's core, is the most amazing thing I dream.
But fear is what tethers me to this world, is the way it seems.
In the split seconds that I've cast it aside, I feel like I'm flying.
I feel at home in this world. Strong and courageous. It's undying.
Even now, I still soar above the clouds. I don't have to look down.
No matter the outcome, I've won, for I'm no longer pinned to the ground.
Through all of the darkness that has arisen, I finally see some light.
I can see a resolution. I see myself rising up through Christ.
And should I fail, I've still overcome. For I am no longer afraid.
Unafraid of what I don't know, and accepting of what comes each day.
I imagine this feeling is what it's like to be unchained. Free enough to fly.
It's what I've waited for since my birth. I've anticipated living my life.
Dec 14, 2013
Dec 14, 2013 at 3:47 AM UTC
Day after day, I watch as you pass me by.
Always afraid to speak, even if only to say "hi."
My stomach sinks when our eyes meet.
I'm shaken to my core, unstable on my feet.
If I could just squeak out a simple hello, I might be fine.
Instead, I gaze awkwardly in torment, barely able to smile.
Whenever you've passed by, I feel my hope slip away.
As if I'll never speak a word to you; failing day by day.
It kills me to be so weak, to not go after the things I want.
It's like I'm tied up in a web. I feel so helplessly caught.
Will I ever be brave enough to speak? Or forever remain mute?
Always terrified of failure, I've not the strength for pursuit.
I feel like a wall without mortar; too fragile to push, too strong to move.
Both outcomes are the same. I'm so terrified, I always lose.
Nov 16, 2013
Nov 16, 2013 at 2:05 AM UTC
Am I truly free? Or am I still enslaved?
Enduring sleepless nights, dead through half the day.
The bonds and chains were broken. In Christ, I'm alive.
Yet I hesitate in fear, only to pretend to live in my mind.
Every scenario, good and bad, all play throughout my dreams.
But when will I finally gather the courage to face all of these things.
When will I release? When will I unbound myself from fright?
When will I see this through? I desperately await the day that I might.
I'm so sick of all the secrets, of all the little white lies.
I'm sick of holding myself down, of restraining my every cry.
Dear God, give me strength! Another way to be strong.
Permit me to prove to myself that I won't be weak for long.
Lord, please be with me as I endure this struggle. I need you here and now.
I feel like a slave to fear. I cannot live my life. I feel I'm fading out.
Nov 1, 2013
Nov 1, 2013 at 12:51 AM UTC