My world has stopped, my life’s on hold,
We got the news, our family told.
How I want to turn back time
To laugh and love, reverse my mind.
You’ve been so brave but we both know
How short this sentence is, although
We have a year to say goodbye
It’s so unfair, I don’t know why
He had to take you from me now
I should be strong but don’t know how.
It’s all so wrong, this shouldn’t be,
My heart has just been ripped from me.
When I met you if I had known
That I would end up all alone,
I’d still have spent these lovely years
With you, the laughter and the tears
The time will fly, the drugs will ****
It’s tough to swallow this bitter pill
All I can do is watch and wait
While cancer destroys my loving sole mate
Please God, while we’re dancing to your tune
I beg of you, don’t take him too soon.
Jun 2, 2023
Jun 2, 2023 at 2:23 AM UTC
There’s a heavy weight upon my chest. I struggle now to breathe.
I’m deep inside this hole and I really can’t believe
that I find myself in this dark place. It's because of you I’m here.
You left this life, abandoned me, its loneliness I fear.
I’m drowning in self-pity and can see there’s no way out
of this dark, oppressive mood and I know without a doubt
that if you were here you’d help me scramble out into the light.
But I’m here alone without you so I’ve given up the fight.
People often try to help me, offer arms to pull me free.
The cliches come in floods and are meant to comfort me.
‘Be strong, you’ll get through this’ and ‘be kind to yourself’ they say,
but they don’t understand that each night I sit and pray
that I find an easy exit of the painful life I lead.
Without you here beside me, I just know I can’t succeed.
I’m trapped inside my grief and have tried to scramble out.
Occasionally I see daylight, ‘help me’ I want to shout.
But the pressure building in my head pushes me back down.
I’m struggling to breathe now and fear I’m going to drown.
I’ve been here for so long now that its almost comforting,
just to wallow in this darkness and give up the struggling.
Part of me would like to think there’s a life outside this dread.
A small flicker of hope of another life where I can think ahead.
It seems so doubtful though and my heart just won’t accept
that there is a world outside - some hope where I detect
that although the climb seems scary and is way beyond my reach.
I can try to shrug the darkness off that clings to me like a leach.
Step-by-step I think I’m moving.....going forwards and not back.
I’m inching nearer to the top, I’m now on the right track.
My brain is trying to tell me that ahead it sees a light.
Suddenly it hits me - I don’t want to lose this fight.
You wouldn’t want me in this place. ‘I’m free’ I want to shout.
So just for you (and only you) I now can say ‘I’m out’.
Nov 20, 2019
Nov 20, 2019 at 3:19 PM UTC
There’s a heavy weight upon my chest. I struggle now to breathe.
I’m deep inside this hole and I really can’t believe
that I find myself in this dark place. It's because of you I’m here.
You left this life, abandoned me, its loneliness I fear.
I’m drowning in self-pity and can see there’s no way out
of this dark, oppressive mood and I know without a doubt
that if you were here you’d help me scramble out into the light.
But I’m here alone without you so I’ve given up the fight.
People often try to help me, offer arms to pull me free.
The cliches come in floods and are meant to comfort me.
‘Be strong, you’ll get through this’ and ‘be kind to yourself’ they say,
but they don’t understand that each night I sit and pray
that I find an easy exit of the painful life I lead.
Without you here beside me, I just know I can’t succeed.
I’m trapped inside my grief and have tried to scramble out.
Occasionally I see daylight, ‘help me’ I want to shout.
But the pressure building in my head pushes me back down.
I’m struggling to breathe now and fear I’m going to drown.
I’ve been here for so long now that its almost comforting,
just to wallow in this darkness and give up the struggling.
Part of me would like to think there’s a life outside this dread.
A small flicker of hope of another life where I can think ahead.
It seems so doubtful though and my heart just won’t accept
that there is a world outside - some hope where I detect
that although the climb seems scary and is way beyond my reach.
I can try to shrug the darkness off that clings to me like a leach.
Step-by-step I think I’m moving.....going forwards and not back.
I’m inching nearer to the top, I’m now on the right track.
My brain is trying to tell me that ahead it sees a light.
Suddenly it hits me - I don’t want to lose this fight.
You wouldn’t want me in this place. ‘I’m free’ I want to shout.
So just for you (and only you) I now can say ‘I’m out’.
Jul 12, 2016
Jul 12, 2016 at 4:15 PM UTC
There’s a heavy weight upon my chest. I struggle now to breathe.
I’m deep inside this hole and I really can’t believe
that I find myself in this dark place. It's because of you I’m here.
You left this life, abandoned me, its loneliness I fear.
I’m drowning in self-pity and can see there’s no way out
of this dark, oppressive mood and I know without a doubt
that if you were here you’d help me scramble out into the light.
But I’m here alone without you so I’ve given up the fight.
People often try to help me, offer arms to pull me free.
The cliches come in floods and are meant to comfort me.
‘Be strong, you’ll get through this’ and ‘be kind to yourself’ they say,
but they don’t understand that each night I sit and pray
that I find an easy exit of the painful life I lead.
Without you here beside me, I just know I can’t succeed.
I’m trapped inside my grief and have tried to scramble out.
Occasionally I see daylight, ‘help me’ I want to shout.
But the pressure building in my head pushes me back down.
I’m struggling to breathe now and fear I’m going to drown.
I’ve been here for so long now that its almost comforting,
just to wallow in this darkness and give up the struggling.
Part of me would like to think there’s a life outside this dread.
A small flicker of hope of another life where I can think ahead.
It seems so doubtful though and my heart just won’t accept
that there is a world outside - some hope where I detect
that although the climb seems scary and is way beyond my reach.
I can try to shrug the darkness off that clings to me like a leach.
Step-by-step I think I’m moving.....going forwards and not back.
I’m inching nearer to the top, I’m now on the right track.
My brain is trying to tell me that ahead it sees a light.
Suddenly it hits me - I don’t want to lose this fight.
You wouldn’t want me in this place. ‘I’m free’ I want to shout.
So just for you (and only you) I now can say ‘I’m out’.
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 1:34 PM UTC
This is not goodbye - but ‘see you soon’
You left us one dark afternoon
Our time’s run out but then again
I wouldn’t change a single thing.
The laughs we had, the happy times
The years of banter, jokes and rhymes.
Those special moments when we knew
We were meant to be, our love was true.
A man of few words but a massive heart
Dignified, loyal and fun from the start
With your ‘Sid James’ laugh and mother-in-law jokes
(Luckily these were saved for the blokes).
Husband, brother, father, grandad and son
You were loved so much by everyone
I’m so grateful for the years that we had together
The memories, laughter. I will love you forever
There’s a hole left behind in my life but I know
You’re no longer in pain and I must let you go
Just remember that I love you to the moon
This is not goodbye - but just ‘see you soon’
Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 6:51 PM UTC
My world has stopped my life’s on hold,
We got the news, our family told.
How I want to turn back time
To laugh and love, reverse my mind.
You’ve been so brave but we both know
How short this sentence is, although
We have a year to say goodbye
It’s so unfair, I don’t know why
He had to take you from me now
I should be strong but don’t know how.
It’s all so wrong, this shouldn’t be,
My heart has just been ripped from me.
When I met you if I had known
That I would end up all alone,
I’d still have spent these lovely years
With you, the laughter and the tears
The time will fly, the drugs will ****
It’s tough to swallow this bitter pill
All I can do is watch and wait
While cancer destroys my loving sole mate
Please God, while we’re dancing to your tune
I beg of you, don’t take him too soon.
Oct 11, 2015
Oct 11, 2015 at 3:58 AM UTC
I didn’t get the chance to say
Just what you mean to me
You always were my hero, Dad
I wish I’d made you see
That no matter what you did or said
And the promises you made
I always thought the world of you
Your place I’d gladly trade.
I don’t like it here without you
I feel lost and out of place
Even though I was a daddy’s girl
I can’t bear to see your face
Staring back in those old photos
You look happy, but just in case
I can see the pain behind your eyes
Though we never saw a trace.
You must have felt so lonely
But I hope towards the end
You truly found some peace of mind
Those demons weren’t your friend
Though you were so far from home
You were always in my heart
I can’t believe you’ve gone from here
I should grieve but don’t know where to start.
I didn’t get to tell you
That I love you, and ask you why
I hope that you can hear me
Every night when I lay and cry
You’ll never be forgotten Dad
This is my goodbye
Your love for me I could never question
Goodnight Dad, I’ll see you in heaven
Jun 7, 2014
Jun 7, 2014 at 3:28 PM UTC
Only I can see the darkness
Only I can see the change
Only I can feel the panic
Only I can feel the rage
Only I can sense the loneliness
Only I can help myself
Only I know how to cope with this
Only I can mourn my health
Only I could be so blinded
By my own self-centred way
If only I could look around
I'd know I'd be OK
Only I can see the darkness
But if I share what I have known
I could help my fellow sufferers
and need never feel alone.
Jun 7, 2014
Jun 7, 2014 at 3:27 PM UTC
Glaucoma, they say, is the Thief of all Sight,
but I refuse to give in, not without a good fight.
It’s not like it’s taken my heart and my soul,
I’m still the same person, I still have a role
to play in this life. A good reason to strive.
The curtains are closing but I’m so much alive.
If this is the worst plan that God has for me,
I’m actually thankful as I know life could be
so much more painful and sad and unfair.
I can live with this sentence, it’s not much to bear.
I’m not starving or lonely; He’s just dimmed the lights.
My world is now darker, my days are now night.
On bad days it’s scary, I stumble and trip,
But the darkness is outside, my mind is still lit.
I can now ‘see’ the future, it’s deep in my heart.
The lights may go off…. but I’m not afraid of the dark.
Jun 7, 2014
Jun 7, 2014 at 3:21 PM UTC