paul-murphy
American
Running is my number one passion but writing helps to solidify my thoughts. I have been encouraged by few and am finding new courage to share my words with others. Real criticism is always welcome, thoughtless rambling will be found humorous for your lack of logical thought.
A silly little pen trick
One I'm not sure I will ever fully master
Still reminds me of you
That beautiful smile you hid behind
Caramel colored hair
Eloquent curls but wicked and twisted
Just as the lies you fed me
Those petite hands
Soft and delicate
Pulling me deeper with every touch
Your tantalizing curves
Spun a web that caught me naive
I called myself the Devil's son
Found in the presence of God's favorite Angel
The bullet that damaged your wings
Causing you to fall from Grace
High upon that unreachable pedestal you stood
Looking down at all those I placed below you
What a child I had been
Even when you went away
Never to return
At that space you left in my life I knelt
Praying to whatever god may listen
To bring you back
And the delusion of happiness I felt was real
Blinded by a cruel light you'd shown so bright
A shrine I had built all this time
Following a distorted religion
A delicious poison served at too many services
No longer will I follow a path with no end
The ice you left on my heart has melted
Relapsed from the addiction you created
Finding happiness without your presence comes easier
So as I twiddle my pen
With more failures than successes
A smile crosses my face
For as I walk my new path to my dreams
I will fall numerous times
But with each rut that brings me to my knees
Never again will I be reaching for an absent hand
It will instead fall in to the open palms
Belonging to those with true beauty and real grace
Caring for a broken man
That offered pieces of his shattered heart
To a hungry crow, calling itself an Angel
Encouraged by their hearts filled with everlasting love
For they were the spark
That lit my own hearts fire
Flames rising higher and higher, lighting up this world
Lending warmth to all, and those who lent me theirs for too long
It is my turn to shine
So from your shadow I step
In to a brand new world
Mine to create
Mine to shape
For true Love to Live
May 21, 2012
May 21, 2012 at 8:58 PM UTC
Surrounded by people, I feel so alone.
Left in a hole, deep dark and cold.
My hearts on my shoulder, looking to leap.
But defenses are high, there's no place on my sleeve.
I know it's not right, not safe.
My past and my fears keep me acting this way.
What needs to be done is screaming at me,
That talk show's on mute, And reception is fading.
Change may be a constant, for better or worse.
I swing between them though, like a pendulum.
Some improvement, then slow destruction.
The highs and the lows, it comes with the turf.
This is my gift.
My Curse.
May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 4:18 PM UTC
I wish I could write songs to move you
To sooth you
Rid your heart of all this pain
Make you see all the color in this world again
If only I could show you how much you mean
The ever lasting effect you have bestowed upon this dark place we live in
Your mark isn't unnoticed
Admired by many
Envied by more, stuck looking in from outside your presence
Words escape me to express how I feel
I know I am not alone in this ordeal
A crowd has gathered, before my entrance and still more staggering in after me
Seeking shelter under the wings of an angel
Barricaded in this place so comforting
Safety envelopes us, now knowing we will never be alone
You take the brunt of what a cold world throws at us
Keeping us warm, out hearts beating stronger
Unable to notice yours slowly fading
Our blessed joy enraged in us, strengthened by the smile you put forth
Deafening us to the silence held in your chest
Dear love, Fear not
We hear your absent cry
To be held and be saved, embraced in the same love you so freely give
Open your eyes now, and meet ours with your beautiful gaze
See the open arms waiting to embrace you and bring warmth back over you
For all the lost souls, seen and unseen, that you have saved
You're beautiful in so many ways
I wish I could make you see
I can only hope to bring a little light in, to brighten your darkest days
I love you
May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 4:17 PM UTC
From beyond the darkness, brilliance shines through. In times of turmoil, a blazing fire ensues.
Against God’s will the fight grows stronger, until his light shines down on him. The greatest of mysteries this man lives, all the time just behind the curtain a cold world has put up in front of him. A shadow still moving, he is brushed aside, and when the light goes out there remains an invisible figure no one can see. An ever so lonely tide rolls overs him. Heavy waves of remorse and self-hate crush a body made feeble by sharp words others throw through his soul.
There he stands with arms spread in loving embrace as the pain engulfs each fiber that is his being. How can anyone pursue a life torn to shreds by other and places in to the fire by their own hand? Absently resting his skin against the blazing coals, scars laying proof to habitual abuse. Yet still he stands his ground, unchanged and unmoved. Seemingly content in a dark world surrounded by happiness he has alienated himself from.
This small black-hole of sorrow is his heaven. Empty inside, no matter the amount of poison dumped in to it. The replacement to a missing piece belonging in his heart, never will it truly be whole again. An insurmountable torment for any single person to bare day in and day out, let alone to embrace with open arms as a mother would their newborn infant.
Ask. Ask the one question. The single word. Why? An honest question he even ponders at times. What if it is because of lovers past, an open heart that once was whole but broken by someone so beautiful it hid the monster inside? Or could it be, as strange a theory as it may sound, that he is this world’s sponge. Wondering through a world tainted by the evil humans are cursed with, to take away the pain that smears the clouds to obscure the sun. What if. A saint of subtle sorts who travels in the shadows others create and wipes away the tears rolling off every beautiful persons’ cheek.
How absurd each of those sound. Pathetic is the first and self-appointed righteous man made by the second. Fittingly, a man on the brink. Living on the edge screaming empty threats in desperation for attention. Child-like attempts to create self-indulged happiness, lasting mere moments with an after-taste of bitter betrayal for those who fall victim to the boy crying wolf.
May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 4:17 PM UTC
Wars may rage.
Times will change.
A breaking point my body will soon discover.
Yet through trial and tribute I will remain true.
For beside me walks an angel.
She gives me strength when I am weak.
In times of doubt, she is my courage.
When the world starts to crumble around me,
In her arms I can always find shelter.
But through it all, one wish escapes my grasp.
To take away the pain I see inside your eyes.
Your smile, so radiant and pure, may hide it from others.
Dearest girl, let down your guard.
Lay your head upon my chest,
Let my heartbeat drown out the doubts your own mind screams in your ear.
The serenity you bring to this world once dark and clouded with pain,
May I bestow just a glimmer of the same light in to your own world now.
For you I would walk through fire.
Never bat an eye at whatever it is you could ever ask.
I fear I will never have the capacity to show you what it is I feel.
To portray my gratitude for blessing a poor fool with a second chance.
Saved I was.
Blessed I have been.
Gracious I will always be.
I will forever hold you in my heart and soul as each moment ticks by.
For what little it may be worth.
I love you.
May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 4:16 PM UTC
A demented perception deeply distorted.
The carnival mirror that is his mind.
He is stuck on the wrong side of the one way mirror.
Loved ones shouting from the other side,
Proclaiming and preaching high regards.
But their echos fall on deaf ears.
It is all so plain to them, standing outside the box.
How can such a beautiful person,
Full of such passion and pride for others.
Forsaken themselves with simple haste?
Silently he sheds tear after tear,
Longing for the lust for living as others do.
Jealous of their jovial smiles, full of warmth.
Undeserving, his minds stomping down upon the notion.
What makes you worthy of what they cherish?
His heavy heart burned with an unknown sense.
This longing to be lighter,
No longer buried under the bricks of its mind.
He found himself lifting a hand.
At first gently brushing the beast he called his reflection.
Momentum gaining, he pressed against the perverted image.
And as if from the distance,
Voices began to fill the space,
What little spaces his silent tears had not filled.
That demon inside his mind cried out,
LIES! LIES! We do not deserve.
But the percussion of loved ones' cries,
With years of persistence and perseverance,
Had left the carnival mirror cracked and weakened.
Exploit the weakness, whispers his heart.
Finger clenched, so hard the nails cut his skin.
A fire rages deep now.
Rattling his soul and showering off the dust.
Powerful passion filled his once heavy heart,
Lifting a body brought down to its knees.
Raising an arm as if in triumph.
Forcing skin again glass with a thud.
With each blow the lines grew,
Engulfing the man staring back at him so clearly, for so many years.
With all his might it seems futile,
This empty place is where he shall remain.
Slowly his hand finds his side,
In the cold collection of tears still rising.
Deafening defeat echoed in his ears,
And as he lay his head down,
Against the ghastly grin of the monster taunting him.
CRACK!
Freely falling, in to open arms.
His friends and family there to catch him.
Flaccid from exhaustion, he paid no mind.
To the shards of glass scattered in his skin.
Mementos of a time not to be forgotten,
Remembered but not feared.
With the love of self, we shall conquer.
But it is the love of others with which we will endure.
May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 4:15 PM UTC
I'm tired of the games
The circles run and old tricks stuck on repeat
For all its worth, what little that is
Time after time I have ruined something pure
Taken what was bestowed upon her
And tossed it right back in her face
Evil and corrupt I walk this path
Some kind of monster I have become
Second chances pass me by
Almost daily it would seem I ignore them
My salvation stands beside me all the while
Ever the more I push it further away
Crash and burn, let my fire die slowly
Unprecedented disregard
Where is the cliff that should lay in front of me?
Down this path so absent of light
Soon I should be forgotten
Lost in a place no one will find me
Better will I leave this place
No longer tormented by my ways
Lives left to happier days
Selfish, twisted and wicked
No one left to burden
On myself it will all lie
Turned inward to destroy its creator
May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 4:15 PM UTC
Two small letters
Alone with little significance
But when paired
Carry heavy consequence
Repulse and rejection
Persuasion and promise
A single syllable that
With impeccable timing
Can ignite powerful fire
But first that leap
One of faith and blind abandonment
Must be taken
To go
Where many have gone
With dreams of different results
To break down walls built strong and high
A hard earned twinkle
Gleaming in her eyes
That smile so sharp
Cutting sweetly deep
Releasing the **** holding back
Everything in life you wish for
Before you I stand
Heart pounding heavy
Ready to leap from my chest
With one thing on my mind
A single statement to be made
Not that your elegant beauty brightens the world
For that is an obvious truth
This statement is much simpler
Bold and beautiful
If uttered correctly
As I bring myself to meet your eyes
Deep like the sea and powerful
Like the waves crashing on the shore
My lips part
"Hi."
May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 4:14 PM UTC
That empty space left in my heart
Staring me down each day
Every second cutting deeper
My soul slowly fading
Since the day you walked away
Endlessly searching for the one
Who fits in my arms
As perfectly as you did
Caramel colored hair, caressing
Petite shoulders that create perfectly
A beautiful frame in which sat
The face of an angel
Who broke down weathered walls
With a brightly lit smile
An eloquent touch, strong and delicate
That washed my wounds clean
Her kiss
So soft and sensual
A blissfully sweet waterfall
Warming a cold heart once shut from the world
Not a day, passing by ever so slowly
Will that image escape my mind
Countless girls pass me by on the street
And each time I look away
Fearful of seeing you in their eyes
As if I'm trying to place Cinderella's slipper
On someone else' foot
Already knowing the face of who it belongs to
May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 4:14 PM UTC
That title wave coming fast
Tsunami of emotion crashing over me
Drowning my heart
The tears hidden behind water rushing over me
Endlessly churning, rolling
Rising to the surface, a feeling of warmth
But quickly sinking to the dark depths
Cold and empty
Fighting a battle
One I fear may soon end
Slowly the pressure collapses my chest
How much longer can I hold fast?
The will to continue draining
As each beat of my heart grows weaker
May 20, 2012
May 20, 2012 at 4:13 PM UTC