I think it will take me a long time to ever truly trust someone again.
Including myself.
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 6:00 PM UTC
and that was when i realized
staring into my own eyes
my identity unrecognized
that all it was was broken ties
failed academically
failed monetarily
make the one person i love
feel like picking up the gun
Jan 28, 2018
Jan 28, 2018 at 2:56 PM UTC
I didn't start living until 15 days ago.
Hopped on a plane across the world, fueled by hope and thrill, visiting countless countries, famous cities, small towns, pub prowls, tattooed and brand new perspective.
It's quite different than it used to be.
Plagued by disease, wrecked memories, hard to wash stains off child brain, proaction, retraction, all too young to act on desires.
But now I feel I have purpose.
Because when I stress it's not about failing expectations, reality weighs in, search for places to stay in, transportation, learn new languages, survival depends on my eustress now.
And no one can bring me down.
Jun 19, 2017
Jun 19, 2017 at 11:30 PM UTC
It's 5 in the morning
And I can't sleep
Crowded by heat
Lack of AC
Deep thinking
Day dreaming
Trip planning
Article scanning
Random thoughts like
Of the poem I forgot
To show you,
I've been meaning to.
Jun 19, 2017
Jun 19, 2017 at 11:15 PM UTC
My hope swirls black
Clouds, back and forth
And back, they grasp
My throat, my hope
Morphed into attack
On my soul, panic
Raids the homes of my
Whole range of emotions
Commotion stirs inside:
My heart, throbs like a
Wound; My lungs reach
For air, but lose; leave
Me to suffocate, please
My hope is gone, please
End my constant pain
The tiring waning of
Survival on its tip-toes
Tripping me, I fall
So often
Without getting up.
Feb 7, 2017
Feb 7, 2017 at 12:11 PM UTC
No one gets it
Is an understatement
Because even the people that do
Interpret it different than you
Leaving you lonely
Wherever you go there's
That lingering feeling
That reminds you you're not
okay
And you might never be
So they try to teach you
That that's okay,
That your life can be taken away
Just like that and everybody
You know will continue
To live on without you
But your body won't make it
Your mind will break by
The time everyone's lives start
I'm already broken, stop.
So go tell me it's all okay
That I won't wake up one day,
That's lately what they all say.
Jan 27, 2017
Jan 27, 2017 at 12:50 AM UTC
My insides are rotting
My veins are clogging
My heart keeps stopping
My brain is screaming
Dissociate to escape
But it's not enough
Doesn't take away
Tough reality
Hitting my head
Wishing to be dead
Dissociate permanently
Jan 11, 2017
Jan 11, 2017 at 11:38 PM UTC
Tired of having
A gun against my neck
Please pull the trigger
I just want to be dead.
Jan 11, 2017
Jan 11, 2017 at 11:31 PM UTC
my heart is breaking
my spirit aching
spinning around
in circles is taking
a toll on my soul
deep down
there's a hole
and its swallowing
me whole until there's no
more of me left
to compose.
Nov 5, 2016
Nov 5, 2016 at 4:53 PM UTC