Maybe I’ll come across these words of suffering and incapacitated reasoning when I’m all too well,
when I’ve surpassed years of suffering and I’ve understood what it takes to be a warrior to push everyday,
to be happy.
Maybe one day the day will come,
maybe I’ll make it and cry all along
maybe I won’t
maybe I’ll reach the top and find myself
all alone.
For all I can say is
pain is my greatest power,
pain is a skill, pain is my fire
and it remains with desire to escape,
escape
all along these walls of cry
of laughter
of suffering
of no’s and can’t do’s
of joy and then ... more.
I am killing myself slowly.
I see my potential goal
and I see the waste,
I see myself in the past,
buried in the dust.
I am dying of distrust.
I am extremely lonely.
I am in despair.
The words run through my hands with negative thoughts in the air,
I am suffering,
I am pain,
I am fake,
I hate the love that loves me more than I’ll ever ever love myself
I feel like death.
I feel contained.
Tears are brought to my eyes.
I can no longer survive.
I am pain and my pain is the game,
my pain is the fire in her soul, with tears to the wounds.
I am pain
And no longer strong for the run.
Jun 12, 2020
Jun 12, 2020 at 9:52 AM UTC
I fear
her
Steps
Bouncing back
and forth
Getting stronger as they go
Fast approaching
And no place to go
She knocks the door
1 knock
2 knock
BAMMM
the tram is back
Back to rant
My head is there
Yet it can’t be there
No,
it shouldn’t be hers
I stand up to her
I claim not to care
While my life dares
To get threatened away
No pain, no tears, no showing fears
As my life resumes with college peers
Back I go to no place to go
With hidden doors and unlocked ******
With no love, with no one to hold
A single piece of who I’ve become,
Belongs no where near this “home”
Sorry mom,
I warned you, Now I’ve got to go.
Now is my time to go
Oct 3, 2019
Oct 3, 2019 at 11:44 PM UTC
I see, I hear
Pain all around me
Disguised as make up masks
And multimillion dollar brands
YouTube stars,
Subways rats,
Certainly
Crawling through bars
And poisoned tars.
To end all up on my Instagram.
Jun 25, 2019
Jun 25, 2019 at 9:29 PM UTC
Should I follow the proper way?
Because it seems as though the proper way has yet to find me.
Should I mold myself to custom norms and standards?
To find comfort in unminingful friendships…
Should I read the bible?
Should I believe it’s verses?
Does my lack of knowledge serve
more towards their advantage
than it does harm to my personal being.
If the world is round, why have there been
juxtaposition of flat surfaces before me
since my first memory?
If abortion and perjury are deemed wrong,
Why aren’t assumptions and judgements penalized?
Will I go to hell if I die tomorrow?
If I die tomorrow would I be myself today, or would I remain as just the image of my future self,
the one no one ever met.
Jun 24, 2019
Jun 24, 2019 at 4:31 PM UTC
Im tired of loving you from afar
Im tired of not knowing if I’ll ever love you from up close
If I’ll ever have you
If I’ll ever think you’ll be the one
when
there’s no doubt in my mind
that
you are
Apr 13, 2019
Apr 13, 2019 at 12:46 AM UTC
Behind my chair sits a wall
Behind my wall,
there
i sit
Hand me a hammer
to break free
& sit comfortably
until i sleep
Apr 11, 2019
Apr 11, 2019 at 5:27 PM UTC
You’re still a mystery to me
Should I waste my energy to solve you?
Jan 30, 2019
Jan 30, 2019 at 10:18 AM UTC
people in their wholeness
can only be understood.
not explained.
Jan 30, 2019
Jan 30, 2019 at 10:18 AM UTC
I want to live my days in
marathons
& coffee shops
I want to live in an
old 70´s music,
drugs,
*** & alcohol vibe
I want a love so
strong
it makes me
remember and
forget it all
at the same
time
I want to know myself
before anyone claims
me
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 12:41 PM UTC
alone
not too far away from home
you lay on the floor
unfocused
FEEL
the air go through
nose and lungs
slowly
LISTEN to
the air leaving your body
and the room’s quiet
noice
Inhale
Exhale
Freedom
Snap into a reality of
Calm troubles and
Meaningful problems
Cured from your own
Mental prison and
Unreasonable madness
Jan 17, 2019
Jan 17, 2019 at 6:03 PM UTC