I bask in the smoke
of sage or cigarettes
I sit in the dark
I can't think
I am numb
I go out
I sit down on a strangers couch
they pass the blunt
I don't know where I am
but it's my job to sit there and look pretty
every night
left in a haze
I do what I'm told
be polite, make small talk, drink, don't get scared, it's rude
I guess it's fun
I don't remember tomorrow
repeat
Dec 19, 2022
Dec 19, 2022 at 9:49 PM UTC
If the stars started to shatter,
would they grow back?
would it even matter?
or would they just disintegrate into black
do the pieces rain down on the earth in a storm?
or float down in a haze of fog?
I thought maybe they would burst in swarms
of color, piercing the desert and striking the bog
perhaps they penetrate the sky and leave a hole,
from which the rest of the night drains out
Maybe after that, Nyx and Gaia can embrace and become whole
Feb 10, 2022
Feb 10, 2022 at 11:41 AM UTC
hallways,
fluorescent lights
the faint scent
of
latex gloves and
sheer nightgowns.
you stand there,
slowly breathing
in rhythm with
the ticking
clock.
he holds your hand,
the very touch
the transfer of
warmth
between your fingers.
you feel,
somewhat relieved
like if this were meant
to
simply
happen
you were glad
he was there.
didn't you always want this?
to be swaddled with
twinkling toes
and miniature socks?
was it not you
who felt the movement
and prayed for the unexpected?
the results aren't
even the hardest
part.
it is the waiting,
the absorbing
the acceptance
the denial,
it is the
in-between
yet also
the after.
as the blood
swims through
the plastic tube,
the liquified
decision
right there
in crimson red,
waiting to tell,
wanting to whisper
"your life may change,"
you look through
memories,
moments,
like catalogs
in magazines.
what happens next?
no one knows,
except the specimen
painted
masqueraded
in crimson red.
Jan 28, 2022
Jan 28, 2022 at 12:11 PM UTC
Waiting..
Sat in the dark
explosive bursts of light
color blooms under the night sky
Then black.
Jan 27, 2022
Jan 27, 2022 at 12:33 PM UTC
Rain
Ambient, calm
Pouring, tapping,trickling
Frogs happily wash off the winter mud
storm
Jan 27, 2022
Jan 27, 2022 at 12:32 PM UTC
black and white rush
nothing
and then
everything
I can't tell the difference anymore.
Aug 24, 2021
Aug 24, 2021 at 6:34 PM UTC
everyone is on the edge of madness
it's ok to jump
I won't tell
Jul 27, 2021
Jul 27, 2021 at 8:28 PM UTC
Stop worrying.
I know I'm destroying myself for you
let me.
.
Believing all the lies
just because I wished they were true.
sitting in the bathtub, staring at my scars
seeing how my ribs poke out just for you
cortisol in overdrive.
Stop telling me to eat
I want to be skinny for you.
You love the colors black and purple
so you paint them across my neck
only because I asked
Stop asking if I'm ok.
I want you to be happy
I love the feeling of acid eating at my teeth
My dyed hair falling out
you said you liked that color
so I like it too
smoke and *****
Stop worrying
I'm numb
I can't feel the pain
so let me be everything you want
I don't know anything
I'm nothing
dissociated.
Stop asking me to stop
I don't know what I'm doing
its ok
give in.
take all of me
because I know nothing else
Stop crying
I made this for you
I put myself in this perfect mold
and maybe if I stay in it long enough, it'll start to fit
mesmerizing.
the blood dripping down my arm
that's what you like, don't you?
Stop feeling bad
I shut it all off
mindless.
I'm nothing. take it
I was something, but I'm too tired for that now
breathe. My fingers are turning blue.
It's ok
Apr 9, 2021
Apr 9, 2021 at 4:20 PM UTC
I'm hungry and hollow and numb.
So I will be your sanctuary
I will be your home and your refuge
I will be your basement where everything is allowed to go wrong
I will be the cellar full of bones and dust
I will wait and help cover up the blood
I'm angry and empty
let me let you fill the void
let me be nothing when I need to be
and everything when it all falls
let me help you find the beauty in the dark parts
let me help you be ok with it when everything seems to catch fire
I will be anything you need me to be
if you'll let me be anything but myself
Mar 16, 2021
Mar 16, 2021 at 9:18 PM UTC
Beaten vines and mushrooms
Growing where I once was
Now broken bones and ****
Organs long gone,
eaten by whatever horrors could find them
Someone new trying to sew the cuts closed,
Only to leave bigger ones behind
Eyes gouged out and tendons torn
Waiting for you
Vultures circle,
scaring off the swarm
Thread ripped out, refusing to heal
Run.
Thoughts decomposing with the rest
Voices salvaging what they can but it's no use
Not to them
The mosquitoes don't care for fear
But all the blood is long gone
Rib cage full of snails and joints of gum
Wrappers and liquor covering what once was
Run.
Rain filling the holes and bones long stained by sun
Shattered fingers, a warning
Once you're here
They won’t let you leave
you can’t ever
go back
Run.
Jan 24, 2021
Jan 24, 2021 at 4:13 PM UTC