8 minutes untill I go to bed
8 minutes
You won't show up
But if you did
And I wasn't here
I'd never forgive myself
8 minutes and I could breathe again
8 minutes of Joy
And Love
And you understanding me like no one else does
6 minutes and I give up
Oh god please come home
I can't do this alone
I just don't want it enough
Jan 14, 2017
Jan 14, 2017 at 4:01 AM UTC
The toilet's running again
And my hair's still running thin
This hat just doesn't do much to
Cover my sins
And the needle that I crave
Stares back through my memories
And tells me
She won't do what I need
But if you'd show up
To my little house tonight
I swear I'd shut up
And just enjoy your light
Maybe I could finally sleep
If your arms did cover me
I'm hoping for a dream inside a dream
Dec 26, 2016
Dec 26, 2016 at 12:43 AM UTC
I feel like it's not fair to let you love me
Like I'd be taking something from you if you did
If I give in
I know it takes two
But I have the burden of knowing
And what I know of this world doesn't lend itself to love
There's no room for it
Not for long anyway
So let me hold onto you
As much as I can
Before you go by my wayside like the rest
But wayside you must go
Cause in the end
I'll never trust that you love me
And I'll never trust that you'll stay
I know down to my bones that I'll always be alone
So your eyes do nothing for me
And that universe that I see
That looks the same as mine
Is a reflection
It's exactly what I need
Smoke and mirrors every time
Dec 9, 2016
Dec 9, 2016 at 2:31 AM UTC
I wish for pain
I wish for sorrow
Make my gut turn this way
Or that
I don't care if it hurts
I don't care to borrow enthusiasm
from these walking ghosts anymore
These ******* sheep
And me with my bow
I won't go
I won't go
Nov 12, 2016
Nov 12, 2016 at 2:00 AM UTC
She's a page out of a book
She's not real
Her words are so carefully chosen they fooled you.
She's all smoke and mirrors.
She's waiting for someone to read her story and be compelled to believe in her.
She's a ghost.
Now you see her. Now you don't.
She lives inside your blind spots.
Falling away when no one's looking.
But if just one person would hold her gaze.
If you'd just look a little harder and stay awake all night.
Maybe she could be real.
Maybe she wouldn't hate herself anymore.
If you love me, love my darkness.
Love my tears.
Love the hate out of my skin.
It leaches, slowly, from my pores.
Every time you won't touch me when I need it most, you push it back in.
It's hard not to feel worthless when you don't exist.
Aug 26, 2015
Aug 26, 2015 at 9:07 PM UTC
Why can't I ask for help
I never have
And look how well that worked before
I know that I should
To change the pattern
Trying not to fall into myself
But I won't
Mar 7, 2015
Mar 7, 2015 at 1:11 PM UTC
I feel like you don't like my body
I wish you'd touch me like I touch you
Caress my skin and tell me I'm soft
And beautiful
Spend more time looking at me instead of you
I avoid the mirrors
You love them
And I love to laugh
Our little jokes
But there are times when I feel all that fall away
When it's just love and lust
And nothing's funny anymore
Then something happens and I know
You're not in the same place
Or if you are, you're too afraid to stay there
Sometimes I feel like everyone else likes me more than you do
And I wonder how that's even possible
Mar 7, 2015
Mar 7, 2015 at 12:42 PM UTC
I smoke alone tonight
Just the snow geese and me
I should turn out the light
And finally go to sleep
But you're not here
And it's cold inside my bed
You get up early
I come home late
I shouldn't worry
everything seems great
And this feeling I can't describe
An Emptiness
And so I hide inside this dream
My new life
I made you up
You're not alive
It scares me more than you know
When you're not around
I just want to let it all go
So I get drunk
I get trashed
I drudge things up from my own past
Inside my head
I can't win
If I go out
If I stay in
Disappear to hide my sins
Who am I if no one knows
Things I have done
Lengths I will go to
Jan 5, 2015
Jan 5, 2015 at 9:02 PM UTC
There are two of her now
The one who smiles
The one who laughs
She's so cute if you don't know about her past.
But she's a fraud
She lives a lie
She hides another version inside herself
The truth never comes out
If you don't speak up
Dear god it's terrifying.
Jan 5, 2015
Jan 5, 2015 at 9:00 PM UTC
I will love you for years like you said
I will grab on and never let go
I will be yours completely
Always
All you have to do is accept me
Just don't judge me
Don't put your **** on my shoulders and call it mine
Don't ask me to lose myself and call it supporting you
Don't cuss me out and tell me I'm worthless
Ever
It's not a lot to ask
And it should go without saying
But sometimes things start out on uneven ground
And just get worse with time and worry
Until there's nothing left of you or me
But these twisted conversations, if you can call them that
I didn't want to talk about it now
I know where these words will lead
It's already late and I have to get up early
And the last thing I wanted was to be so sick about it that I couldn't even stay in the same house with him tonight
But he insisted
And I can't ever change his mind
And that's how I found myself at a coffee shop at 3am tonight
Wishing I was somewhere else
Wishing you could hold me in front of this fire
And rock me to sleep
Jan 5, 2015
Jan 5, 2015 at 8:59 PM UTC