here i recall the moment i bit at you with venom in my teeth. after decaying for so long i was over allowing you to be the mold growing on my bones, and i’ve ripped off every layer and i’ve rid myself of the remnants of you and i don’t care who sees my dry, florid skin because you are gone now. second chances were well-deserved but thirdfourthfifth pass and you are no longer welcome back. harsh words and three strikes struck you dumb as an arrow through your tongue. but that’s just what happens when you shoot at artemis.
here i recall the moment i scanned the dusky sky and saw more than freckled cheeks turned away from me. andromeda is breaking free from her chains and cassiopeia is no longer made of stone and i am aware of the blood coursing through my veins; i finally feel my own existence. the first time i felt love i realized romanticism is a mere fraction of what can swell a heart and i found that you must learn to find beauty in every blemish before another can see through your eyes.
here i recall the moment i felt a warm glow engulf my being, and even though i’m not the most confident or the most eloquent i still found a way to break through the seven concrete layers i’ve been caged in since i learned the word “impossible”. i have spent 501 days shattering my obsidian shell, and i will spend 501 more perfecting my war paint and becoming a golden combatant, ready to fight a winning battle, and, well, one thing i'll say in my favor: i am ******* hard to ****
Jan 11, 2016
Jan 11, 2016 at 10:12 PM UTC
it’s hard to feel something,
even harder to feel nothing.
mind-numbing repeats of spoken words;
a scratched-up record of your voice.
the mold growing on my bones
feels no different than your fingertips on my skin.
linger with me for a while.
before you leave,
watch me rot.
i’m ripping off layer after layer;
rid me of the remnants of you.
i could care less if they see
my dry, florid skin
as long as you aren’t
attached.
second chances are well-deserved,
but thirdfourthfifth pass and
you are no longer welcome back.
my heart is under construction,
and you aren’t wearing a hard hat.
Dec 8, 2015
Dec 8, 2015 at 9:14 AM UTC
i could live without
trying to sleep, but being unable to.
i really would love to
lay on the moon,
staring at the stars.
i would go by myself.
dig
myself
a grave.
i want to bury
my beacon of existence.
my entire life,
is it not there anymore?
i don’t really know
what happens after we die.
my concept of nothing:
complete blackness and no sound.
but that is something.
i don’t really know death,
and i don’t really know nothing.
i am
riveting.
i am
a poem with a pulse.
i am
the bottom of a swimming pool.
i am
loading.
i’m sorry, too.
i have severe faults.
i am the worlds greatest hopeless romantic;
i don’t speak;
i would take him back in a heartbeat.
i am
a gigantic bomb;
i wear my guts on my sleeve.
it’s just tissue.
heartbreak is the worst kind of ghost.
i think about that all the time.
a clear vision of my future,
ripped out from under
me.
i can still hear his voice.
it’s melancholic, but in a beautiful way.
im going to search for him in everyone,
hoping he’ll call me.
i will love him until the day i die.
and it haunts me.
Dec 2, 2015
Dec 2, 2015 at 11:36 AM UTC
your mouth spews endless nothings,
leaving naught for your ears to take in.
you would have never listened anyway.
(may it rain every time you pray for sun;)
who are you to tell me what to be?
who are you to silence me?
who are you to waste my ******* time?
(may your actions haunt you;)
i wish to say i hate you.
i wish to say thank you,
for my wish to curse every inhale and exhale from your lungs.
(may you lose your faith;)
i can’t say i regret you,
though you were merely a pair of lips.
i can say i regret everything else.
(may your love never be requited;)
**** you for making me feel like i wasn’t enough for you.
i am the sun, i am the stars, i am the god you pray to every night.
i am enough for me.
(may you forever feel the pain you placed on me.)
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 11:35 PM UTC
you hated the color yellow
well, **** that
i'm reclaiming all the words i wrote about you
taking back my metaphors
i am the sun
a thousand stars glow in my eyes
i am the night sky, the morning light, a hundred secret gardens, the entire ocean, and you are no longer anything more than a sand dollar floating somewhere amidst my consciousness
and i am a million golden sunsets
you hated the color yellow
but now my hair is gold my heart is gold my eyes are gold
and i'm done letting your darkness in
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 9:17 PM UTC
i fear lacuna boring holes in eyes,
the pen in hand no longer draws meaning.
a void inverted presents my demise,
from all creation i have been weaning.
conjuring up an original thought
proves no simpler than anything before.
lack of inspiration; lust starts to clot,
innovation oozing from every pore.
racking my brain for words to fill the page.
line after line after endless blank space.
hours post-brooding, spark flies from its cage;
notions pour, ideas begin to race.
bottled emotions pour from my heartstrings,
beginning to end spilling perfect form.
the necessary release of feelings;
letting go of my own personal storm.
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 11:08 AM UTC
are you lonely?
the salt in the air,
california sun in your hair.
i still find pieces of your presence here.
hail to your dark skin,
blue eyes,
lowest lows,
shrillest highs.
mull this over,
hold your glass up,
leave your things behind.
i tried my best to
guide you.
it's a long way home;
i've been searching for a long time.
all that we fought for,
broken up into bits.
there's beauty in the breakdown:
a single tragic scene.
too high to wonder why.
“come down now.”
where to go?
i feel like talking.
you were somehow the rain,
a flood in my head;
window broke, torn up screens.
i can hear the sun.
i would be, i should be
moved to drink strong whiskey;
cram it down my throat.
you are
no longer
all that i need.
where’d you go?
hiding the fact you're dead again;
i could have been your pillar.
nine to five,
ticking clock,
i shook the hand of time.
but you're alive!
all the lights on and you are alive.
lift the mattress off the floor,
tonight the sun shall see its light.
i can smell the ocean,
so sublime;
it rises with the fall.
comes from a place
i might be doomed never to find.
we live in a beautiful world.
when the stars are aligned,
all my thoughts are clear.
i may seem to feel a touch of love.
am i too dumb to refine?
Nov 20, 2015
Nov 20, 2015 at 10:47 AM UTC
i have come to learn that time and time again,
power is grasped by those amoral;
he who holds the sword hides the pen.
we hold the true potential; women and men.
though truth is hidden by those immortal.
i have come to learn that time and time again.
authority: the ultimate carcinogen.
left for dead, the immoral.
he who holds the sword hides the pen.
their mastery beyond my ken,
kept in the shadows, a mortal.
i have come to learn that time and time again.
rise to power, my kin.
take what you were given: a morsel.
he who holds the sword hides the pen.
a revolt comes as punishment, then.
scrawled with ink: a mural.
i have come to learn that time and time again,
he who holds the sword hides the pen.
Nov 13, 2015
Nov 13, 2015 at 1:39 PM UTC
the end begins with a dim red glow.
the smell of absinthe and smoke.
your mind can’t help but wander
to the first time you touched
her velvet skin;
the first time you weren’t alone.
6:48 AM drive until you forget the reason why.
day floods orange;
swallowing marigolds and incense ashes.
the smell of patchouli is not enough to mask your loneliness.
dawn breaks; sunrise fills your being.
slowly engulfed in warmth,
fall in love with yourself all over again.
10:23 AM grassy seas sweep across the horizon.
the yellow of contentment settles.
wildflowers and zebrinus scratch at your legs;
sunlight reddens your shoulders.
lay down,
rest your eyes,
embrace the sense of well-being.
4:07 PM find solace in the tallest oak.
as you overflow with green comfort,
breathe out,
breathe in,
feel the pulse of the earth.
fade into your surroundings;
live and become life.
8:49 PM your house has never been a home.
blue gently pierces your windowpanes.
shed your skin,
crawl under the sheets,
fall asleep to the sound of your breathing.
find comfort in your solitude;
you are not half a person.
11:20 PM drift into the R.E.M. stage of existence.
city lights of violet chaos.
reminiscence of better times
fills your restless mind.
fall into the static noise.
figureless bodies and neon signs
call you home for the night.
1:39 AM stare into the abyss, because it’s staring right back.
eternal black bleeds fast.
“thinking about the past is weird.”
“that’s because it’s a weird place.”
a storm of recollection.
saut dans le vide, my lover.
nothing awaits you anymore.
7:12 AM the soothing of wounds and the shock of awakening.
new life shines white.
eyes open,
light burns your irises,
though clouds blanket the sky.
paper planes fly toward the future,
mirroring the happiness you will soon find.
Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 10:18 AM UTC
love is a rocky shore.
calling out into the silence; faraway voices echoing.
ghosts of former warmth bring frigid desire.
the ivory waves at dawn, crashing over the horizon,
reaching for the remote lighthouse, shining rays into the ebony dusk.
salt up to her ankles, lithe limbs floating in the dark sea
overcast skies clouding lungs
petrichor-graced senses, lingering like his aftershave.
nostalgic longing tears at her heartstrings,
her psyche burning for his presence.
brooding in silence,
he stares at his hands in reminiscence;
his fate had always aligned with hers.
on the brink of shipwreck,
letting go has never been his forté
love is a rocky shore.
inhale the crisp november air,
exhale the distance from heartbeat to heartbeat.
fall for the uneven surfaces
and the tragic beauty that comes with high tide.
Nov 8, 2015
Nov 8, 2015 at 12:21 AM UTC