I keep finding bullets stuck between my teeth
The same ones you bought the day you decided the ceiling would look better covered in blood.
Maybe that’s why everything I say
sounds like it’s is trying to **** me.
But what do you do
when you stand in front of a mirror
with a gun to your head
and your reflection smiles back at you?
What do you do
When you stand in the middle of a busy road
And every driver is a different version of yourself you’ve tried to ****
Every version of yourself
No one could love.
My mother used to get in fist fights with the mirror and expect to win
She says I look just like her
Maybe that’s why I wake up and can’t recognize who I am.
I checked the obituaries this morning
Trying to find myself again
It’s a habit I picked up from you
But I never thought your name would end up there before mine.
Sometimes I imagine what death feels like
Sometimes I imagine kissing you instead
By now it feels like I’m imagining the same thing.
Someone once told me that begging you to come home
Isn’t the same as praying
Maybe that’s why God stopped listening
and started smashing the windows of every place I thought we could be happy in.
Your smile looked a lot like the light at the end of the tunnel
Right before the train hits you.
I used to squint my eyes when I looked at you
Like I was looking at the sun
Or a car accident I wanted to be part of
I’m sorry I ever thought you could be anything ugly to me
You were the only beautiful thing in this hideous place.
I couldn't look at you clearly,
because I knew I would see my own face staring back at me and
your eyes were the only place I never wanted to be dead inside of.
You can only break your knuckles so many times
Before you cant hold yourself together anymore.
My hands haven’t stopped shaking since you left
I don’t know how to tell them you’re not coming back.
See, I used to say I never wanted to end up like my father
Now I have to say I never want to end up like you,
Which means I can’t leave without saying goodbye
But I tried to write my eulogy last night
And realized it's hard to write about someone I never knew.
Sep 23, 2016
Sep 23, 2016 at 3:01 PM UTC
This twisted existence is beginning to push my limits.
I've had enough of life I only strive to see it finished.
No matter how I try the timeline won't diminish;
I guess I'm meant to stick around for more than just a minute.
It sickens me to watch as old friends depart the earth,
As I'm left to sit and ponder on life and what it's worth.
It's hard to carry onward with this never ending search,
while other men just wander in apparent ceaseless mirth.
Jun 5, 2015
Jun 5, 2015 at 11:53 PM UTC
no ones gonna warn you about him so let me.
he's gonna smile at you and you're gonna feel every cell in your body push to the surface of your skin.
he's gonna hold you by the nape of your neck and kiss you until your lips are tingly and your hands are shaking so bad you think they're gonna fall right off.
he'll take you out for long midnight drives and tell you stories about his childhood and you're gonna swear you can hear bells ringing when he glances at you.
he's gonna make you laugh so hard you'll drown in happiness and you'll know you don't wanna feel this way about anyone else ever again.
because he's the one you want to fall asleep next to and wake up next to every morning.
but the's the one who will stop replying to your messages and you're gonna be crushed.
he's gonna look at you but his eyes won't sparkle and his smile wont turn you're heart into jello and you're gonna wrap yourself up in his sweatshirt at night and cry because you just want to hold him.
Jun 4, 2015
Jun 4, 2015 at 12:17 AM UTC
set me on fire
go ahead lit the match
soak me in gasoline
and watch me burn like the sun
watch as my hair turns black
my skin turns a darker shade of golden brown
watch as my eyes turn into
swirling pools of chocolate
listen to the way I scream
the agonizing burning of my flesh
the searing of my blood
and somehow i've never felt so alive
so set me on fire
go ahead light the match
watch me burn
knowing,
that the day I died was the day I lived.
Jun 4, 2015
Jun 4, 2015 at 12:02 AM UTC
I don't know what is wrong
It is something that I shouldn't have but I came along
I promised 'd smile forever
but i have to ask, cry me a river?
Jun 3, 2015
Jun 3, 2015 at 11:56 PM UTC