someone once told me
you’re no good for me
that we shouldn’t hold onto
something not guaranteed
back then i didn’t believe them
but now i know
we cant grow
-
now i’m faded
sitting in my bathroom
wishing it was you that would come back soon
thinking bout the good times
that are
tangled in these vines in my mind
contemplating suicide
waiting for the sunrise
to save me from taking my own life
Dec 21, 2018
Dec 21, 2018 at 12:53 AM UTC
Dear J,
I may be at a loss for words half the time, and the other half I might have too much to say, but I can almost always say this; I love you. I have felt fear and I have felt bravery and I have felt loss. I can look pictures of us and I can recall everything we did that day. I can listen to videos of you and I can tell what you felt. And I know that you didn't think I was paying attention, but I knew how you looked when you thought something was unfair. And I knew the look in your eyes when you saw the light just right in a sunset and you knew that nothing could ever be recreated quite like that. I felt the same way about you.
Wherever you are, know that loving someone isn't a matter of feeling something or not feeling something. It's a matter of knowing what you're feeling and when you need to let go.
I think that people know that letting go involves unfurling your fingers and watching something fall from a great height. It's the act of following that objects downward motion that gets to us. That once it meets the ground or whatever surface it is deemed to hit, it's gone. What was there is gone. And once you think about that you think of what could have been there. That one last touch, that one last feeling of bliss that comes with knowing that the moment you wake up the sun will be shining in rivulets through fingers that tangle in hair fresh off the pillow. It's sad to know that nothing like that will happen again.
The sun won't shine the same way. Instead it may simply fall. It won't cascade, it won't flow over the edges of noses or smiling lips. It's the same way water may lose a stone from a riverbed and from there on after it doesn't run quite the same way. But another stone, another pebble will fall in place because replacement happens.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that letting go is letting someone else take a spot. In order for something else to happen you have to let your joints move out of their grip and unfold from their hold on something that wasn't meant to be held by you anymore.
Sometimes you have to let them land somewhere new.
I only hope that it's somewhere even more beautiful than before.
Claire
May 11, 2017
May 11, 2017 at 12:11 PM UTC
For all the girls who are out there
And think they are fat and ugly
Your not
Your beautiful
Your body is ****
Don't let anyone bring you down
We all can't be the same sizes
Imagine might as well make us all look alike
Thats why god made us different
And we all go through different stuff
Please love yourself as who you are
Trust me there is someone out there
Who loves you the way you are
Mar 28, 2017
Mar 28, 2017 at 2:20 AM UTC
Heart pounds
Hands shake
Getting dizzy
Need a break
Anxiety falls like rain down on me
I really hope that no one sees
How small, how scared
How scared, how small
I'm really struggling with it all
Mar 20, 2017
Mar 20, 2017 at 1:46 PM UTC