it's nights like these i hate.
alone in an empty room...
forced to face myself.
and i don't hate being alone,
but i
HATE
being alone.
-- the hardest part about choosing yourself is when you
REALIZE
you're choosing yourself.
when i make a choice, i am terrible at owning it.
maybe that's why goodbye's always hurt me.
because i'm never sure if i'm doing the right thing.
but i can't keep going back to what's already finished.
there's nothing wrong with being a single, independent woman
but...
there is SO much wrong with being a single, independent woman.
i've never chosen myself before.
why does choosing yourself feel so lonely?
i don't feel strong enough to carry this alone.
Jan 4
Jan 4, 2026 at 10:47 PM UTC
i thought the endless silence between us would continue to linger.
but you came back.
for more.
was it because you really missed me?
or was it because you needed to end on good terms with me?
i guess i'll never find out unless i continue things with you.
but you wouldn't understand how i'm feeling.
because you didn't care when your eyes were attentive towards another woman.
a woman who wasn't me.
a woman i could never be.
and she is pretty.
prettier, in fact.
i knew i could never be the only one.
but before i met you,
men have made it clear:
i am never the only one;
that much was inevitable.
Dec 28, 2025
Dec 28, 2025 at 12:51 AM UTC
i try to avoid looking at our texts.
they only remind me of why i never answered you.
they remind me of when you betrayed me.
and still, somehow, the thought of you makes me ache for you more.
i hate myself because i still care.
i hate myself because even when i should be angry at you,
i could never be angry at what i always knew was true:
i was never going to be the only woman in your eyes.
i knew you longed for more,
and for some reason i thought i could have been enough.
just one person, me, enough for you -
it's on me for believing something so false.
the truth: i DO miss you. i think about you everyday.
i miss the "i miss you's."
i especially miss hearing your deep, tender voice.
you always knew you were my favorite sound.
you were becoming my favorite person...
until you weren't.
i do miss all of you. i miss it all.
i still think about every moment.
i haven't been able to read our book. it's too much for one person to carry alone. that's why i liked having you around - you kept me company. we both know two people helping each other is better than one person doing it alone. that's why it worked. that's why WE worked.
we didn't know each other for that long but for some reason you have an affect on me.
i hope you miss me as much as i do you,
but if you don't -
then i don't want to know.
i don't want to believe that it isn't true now and that there's potential it wasn't true before.
you'll always be on my mind until i finally give up on you.
but for now,
i'll remember you enough until i don't anymore.
Dec 27, 2025
Dec 27, 2025 at 6:57 PM UTC
something that was once real with you still lives in my chest --
and nothing temporary has been able to replace it.
we built a life together,
a future we both let die,
and now i'm haunted by you.
it's almost time for me to move to your city,
a place where all the shared plans we made were supposed to become real,
and now i feel the silence between us growing louder.
having to grieve the version of me who once loved you was never on my bucket list.
but being alone has felt like punishment.
except every day after you has helped me choose myself a little more.
and i'll keep doing it until i no longer crave you.
i'll keep choosing myself until i no longer crave people who wouldn't dare to choose me back.
Aug 7, 2025
Aug 7, 2025 at 9:19 PM UTC
we've been through so much,
and i thought i was ready to lose you...
but now that it's really over i miss you more than ever.
our relationship was toxic but your presence was the only thing that comforted me.
i used to pray for you to change and to be better for me but i know deep down you won't that's why i had to leave you alone.
you begged me to stay but i looked away.
i regret my decision more right now,
but i know we're not meant to be and that's the ugly truth.
i'm angry at myself because i don't hold any love for you,
just memories of you,
that's why it all feels so heavy right now.
i know one day you will move on and be with someone who you're willing to change for.
i just hope i'm not there to witness it.
Jun 24, 2025
Jun 24, 2025 at 1:07 AM UTC
i hate the word love.
i hate it so much i say "i love you" meaninglessly now.
and i also hate being in love.
i loved once and it hurt.
i learned to un-love and how to lie in love.
but if only the world had held me back from what i'd eventually learn to hate,
maybe i'd give love another chance.
maybe i'd find that there is love that i can give to someone and it'd be sacred to them that they wouldn't discard it.
with old big hopes that no longer exist within me,
my heart has officially shut down.
and i like it better this way;
better off with myself.
Apr 23, 2025
Apr 23, 2025 at 9:31 PM UTC
sometimes i wonder how it feels like to love someone.
i loved someone once... and they stole my vulnerability.
ever since i completely shut that door... pushing love away.
now i'm just someone who lusts and i'm really good at it.
being lustful protects me from the truth.
i hate being lustful but i can't help it... i can't stop now.
i'm too good at it.
i'm too good at lying.
i'm too good at pretending to be somebody i'm not.
and they love it too; all the men who see my naked body, my sweet face, and listen to my kind and almost truth telling-like sweet words.
how could i give that up?
being lustful is my image.
my legacy
Apr 17, 2025
Apr 17, 2025 at 9:52 PM UTC
sometimes i miss you so much my heart feels like it's bound to burst.
i would've never been able to predict that you would be the one that got away.
i can't accept that we aren't meant for each other.
i know we belong to other people...
but who am i if i don't get to have you?
you're the only one i could ever love.
Apr 16, 2025
Apr 16, 2025 at 2:53 AM UTC
you shifted the situation that whenever i spoke to you all you felt was such formidable hurt.
you chose silence over vulnerability,
and i don't blame you.
the unrequited love i receive from you has shaped me to realize how incapable you are of loving me.
it cost me my authenticity.
the feeling of wanting to speak but then having to consider the hurt that would come with it...
i chose to quietly surrender to loneliness.
and i'd rather do that a hundred more times if it meant i wouldn't have to keep filling my own wounds with even more heartache.
Apr 4, 2025
Apr 4, 2025 at 9:08 PM UTC
i wish i never met you.
it's not because you hurt me,
but because loving you has been the most
silent, isolating and lonely kind of suffering i've ever experienced with anyone.
if i had known from the start that my heart would end up aching for someone who could never be mine,
i would have turned away before it was too late.
where am i to store all this heartache?
i have spent so many nights wondering what it would feel like to be the one you chose.
and yet, despite everything, i still love you.
even though it hurts.
even though it's hopeless.
if loving you meant hurting like this,
then i hope i never learn to love again.
i should've known you were never mine to keep.
Apr 4, 2025
Apr 4, 2025 at 8:47 PM UTC