I feel their hatred, their lack of support
Their understanding that everything I’m doing is destroying, and I’m running out of things to break.
Everything I know, I feel is running down my back.
Away from my head, off my body, to you.
Tearing at your skin like some dastardly insect.
I can’t expect this to go on forever, I know it won’t.
Soon enough, I’ll lose you.
And once I lose you, they’ll see me for myself like you will.
A disgusting, obtrusive monster.
And I’ll lose them too.
And then I’ll be alone in this castle of emotions and hatred.
Fearing the crumbling down of it all as I rip, tear at the thin supports that remain.
All because I just can’t seem to keep my temper.
Aug 13, 2019
Aug 13, 2019 at 10:34 PM UTC
I’m so tired of feeling like **** for not doing me.
So **** you.
I’ll call them films instead of movies and say all of my ******** opinions.
I’ll play like **** until I can play better.
I’ll make the jokes I think are funny.
I’ll wear what I want and look how I want.
I’ll make what I want, how I want, when I want.
And I’m gonna be proud of it.
Jul 17, 2019
Jul 17, 2019 at 2:28 PM UTC
You’re so bitter when wronged
Yet you so easily forgive
I can’t decide if it’s unbelievable strength
Or a justified weakness
To selflessly bear all of the blame
So much so that it causes a further descent into destabilization
You can’t seem to decide on whether or not you’d like to move on in hatred
Or keep dreaming, hopelessly lost in forgiveness
They don’t deserve you, I certainly don’t
You give so much, and you seem to not understand just how little of your debts will come even close to being repaid
Jul 16, 2019
Jul 16, 2019 at 11:52 PM UTC
You seem persistent on closing yourself off
In that little glass box you claim to despise
It’s not there, I promise
The only thing keeping you away is yourself
I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn
If you’d just let me in, I could help you be whole
Please.
Jun 15, 2019
Jun 15, 2019 at 2:56 AM UTC
Summers changed for me, now that it’s real. So many great things are going on but I can’t help but focus on the negatives. My family is at each other’s throats, I’m torn between friends and enemies. I wake up and stay in my room for hours, waiting for the next day to roll by. I stuff my face and watch as my self image grows worse and do nothing to fix it. I can’t wait for school. I’m terrified of school. My anger is taking over. Little things terrify me, and all I want to do is hurt. I convince myself I’m in the right. I know better than that. I can’t seem to do things right. As for her, lately I’m only hurting her. I’m having issues putting my feelings into words, being calm. I spend most of my time scaring her or starting arguments that aren’t needed, that only hurt me. It’s no wonder she’s gravitating towards him. I’m losing her. All my friends are jumbled, I feel like everything and everyone is falling to pieces in front of me. It’s like cupping water in your hands, you don’t know how but somewhere theres a hole and everything’s leaking through. It’s the worst I’ve felt in a long time and it all hit me today. I’m sorry, to everyone. I’m trying my best, really. I won’t pretend that I’m changing or that I’m going to change. Just don’t leave me.
Jun 10, 2019
Jun 10, 2019 at 12:21 AM UTC
I don’t hate you
Not in the slightest
In fact I miss you
I miss the movie filled sleep-overs
I miss the comedy bits that were ours together, like the ones that you and your brother have now
I miss playing music near you, without the fear of judgement or envy of your own skill
I miss the long talks about our lives, our aspirations, our friends
I miss when we were best friends, when we were brothers
I think I played with your heart in ways that I didn’t mean to do
I think we both lost things that made us click so well
I’m not exactly sure what they were
But I’m hoping, praying, that maybe we can get them back
After all, summer finally came
I love you
May 29, 2019
May 29, 2019 at 1:33 PM UTC
When your breaths grow shorter
I’ll tear a hole in your throat
When you grow tired of my voice
I’ll cut your ears and sew you new ones
When your bright eyes run blurry with tears
I’ll take fire to your face until you can see clearly again
I’ll always be here for you
And you’ll always be here for me
May 26, 2019
May 26, 2019 at 11:24 PM UTC
It’s difficult to put into words
How much I care for you
How happy your smile makes me
How a phone call of pure silence means so much
How much I appreciate your attempts to improve yourself
How your tiny singing voice rings in my head for hours
How your strength pushes me to improve my own
How all of your little jokes and teases warm my heart
How little everything else matters when I’m with you
Which is why your worrying makes me even more ashamed to be speechless
And instills the same feelings in me
May 14, 2019
May 14, 2019 at 11:37 PM UTC