I swore that I would never fall in love
I thought what’s the point if you just end up being hurt in the end
Isn’r that you just asking for a heartbreak
And even if you did “date” someone, love doesn’t last
And maybe I’m right
Maybe love doesn’t last
Maybe it’s just gravity pulling two people together like magnets and eventually it will fall apart
Maybe it’s just a bunch of small moments that collide
Maybe it’s the glances at each other when you don’t really mean to
Maybe it’s the nights laying on a blanket and looking at the stars
For once in your life actually feeling safe in someone’s arms
Maybe it’s just the little moments
Maybe that’s love
And even if it doesn’t last forever
Because of you I know now that love is not a foreign object that doesn’t exist
It’s a messy, unorganized, beautiful thing
Taking baby steps you have brought me out of the cave and now I can finally see the stars
Dec 23, 2015
Dec 23, 2015 at 11:56 PM UTC
I thought I knew who you were
That we had a special bond
I've seen all the movies, read all the books
The dad goes to all of the recitals, wants to be involved in every aspect of the kids life
I guess that's just not how it is
Instead the dad is always working
When he gets home he traps himself in the TV
The promises he swore he would keep are numbed by the oxycodin that runs through his veins
Then one night happened
A night that would ravel into a million what if's
All because of one stupid drunken mistake
Now you say it will get better
The drinking will stop and so will the pills
But after all of these years of promises being broken
It's hard to believe that this one will stick
I want to believe that this will all get better
But more than that I want the little girl back who thought that her dad was the king and could save her from anything
Sep 7, 2015
Sep 7, 2015 at 1:12 AM UTC
I used to be afraid to be alone
To be trapped in my own thoughts
The silence would eat at me and the voices inside my head would go on and on
Scared that something would happen and there would be no one there to help
Now silence can be a virtue
Instead of being something I fear
Sometimes it's something I crave for
To close off all of the people around you and go into a world of your own
Sep 7, 2015
Sep 7, 2015 at 1:05 AM UTC
Sometimes all you can do is hope you won't make the same mistakes
Hope that when you feel his arms around you, you will feel safe and not want to back away
Hope that when he kisses your lips electricity runs through your veins
Hope that when you look at him he is already smiling at you
Hope that he can know everything about you and still treat you the same
Hope that you are great separate but even better together
Hope that when you get nervous he tells you everything is going to be okay
Hope that you live with compassion
Hope that you learn to be vulnerable
Hope that everything won't turn out the same
Sep 7, 2015
Sep 7, 2015 at 1:00 AM UTC
You matter
You
the one who tries to go unnoticed
who wears long sleeves to conceal the cuts of pain on their arm
You
the one who finds the weight of the world on their shoulders
as they wake up in the morning
the one who sits in bed at night and dreams about
what it would be like to be free
to feel the sun kiss their skin
to feel the overwhelming sensation of love that everyone else talks about but
you can’t quite get there
You are Incredible
the one who thinks about everyone but themself
and when asked “are you okay”
simply responds “i'm great, but how are you?”
when in reality all they want to do is throw themself under the security of their bed
and block out all of the static around them
you lie awake at night dreaming about
what you’re going to do when you get out of this mess
You are worth it
But darling let me tell you something
the world will knock you down a thousand times
it will scratch you, kick you, and even fail you
and when all of this chaos is surrounding you
when it feels like all you want to do is collapse into the abyss
just remember that you are not alone in this battle of life
You matter
You are incredible
and
You are worth it
so close your eyes, take a deep breathe because
darling everything is going to be okay
Apr 1, 2015
Apr 1, 2015 at 9:01 PM UTC
I wish I could fly
I’d go somewhere that I could call my own
A place that no one knows
let my thoughts fly about
like leaves on a windy day
no branches that can hold me down
just the blue sky that consoles me
to breathe in the fresh, crisp air
and let go of all the worries
Mar 25, 2015
Mar 25, 2015 at 12:08 PM UTC
i have had people say to me,
i don’t want to die,
i’m just not sure how interested
i am in being alive.
i have had people say to me,
i don’t want to die,
i just want to sleep and sleep
and never wake up.
i have had people say to to me,
i don’t want to die,
i just want to press pause.
i have held a lot of shaking hands,
begging them to drop
their knives and trying to
hold their wrists.
i have said the same things.
so i’m not saying
that i’m always better
and i don’t if you’d still call me
a good person
if you could see behind my eyelids
because sometimes i am terrified of
the demons lurking
in the corners of my own mind,
but then, if you got to see people inside out
with all the ugly and unseen
and we-don’t-talk-about-it
then maybe nobody would dare to
call each other good people.
and sometimes i don’t want to keep going;
there are days when we all feel
like the universe is pressing down
on top of our shoulders,
crushing our lungs.
but gravity's just doing its best, and so am i.
and even though sometimes it feels like
i’ve running on empty for the last thousand miles,
i’m fine, really, i’m fine.
most days i wake up
and i’m happy, most days i wake up
and i am not thinking about unzipping my veins.
i am thinking about
all the songs i haven’t heard yet,
all loves i haven’t loved yet,
all the poems i haven’t written yet,
and ******* i want to be alive so much
more than i ever wanted to die.
i swear, there is universe is out there waiting for you
if you’re willing to go out and find it.
the world won't wait for you
but it's always going to be there.
and i swear the darkness isn’t
too distracting,
i swear i can still see clearly.
happiness isn’t a destination
or a journey,
it’s a fistfight with sadness
and i want to keep getting back
in that ring even if i keep getting the ****
knocked out of me every single time.
getting better is uphill battle,
but at the top there is peace.
at the top there is reason.
at the top there just might be
what you’re looking for.
and maybe it’s stupid
but i believe it’s not all hurricanes,
and i believe it does get better.
i believe that twenty years from now
i will wake up and look at my beating heart
and be thankful i didn’t **** myself.
and i believe that you will be too.
i really do.
and i’m not saying that there won’t be days
when getting out of bed feels like
scaling the grand canyon
and even tying your shoes feels impossible.
it isn’t going to be an epiphany,
the universe shaking your shoulders
in its steady hands and telling you to
cheer the **** up, kid.
because sometimes the universe’s hands
are shaking just as bad as yours,
sometimes there is no reason for it.
it will be more like a gradual realization
that world can be ugly and cruel and brutal,
but that doesn’t mean that
there aren’t things out there
worth living for.
it’s not always easy to find
any ******* sunshine bright enough,
and sometimes i am so scared
i might die before
i find anything worth living for,
and i don’t always have a good enough
reason to get out of bed
in the morning, but i promise
that i’m looking for a better one.
i can’t give you a reason
but i hope you can learn to look, too.
i hope you can learn to look at the sunset
and see all the colors in the horizon,
a sky painted with temptation,
and not just see another day ending.
there’s a difference between
living and being alive,
and i hope you
stick around long enough
to get to know that
difference.
Mar 24, 2015
Mar 24, 2015 at 1:36 PM UTC