I don’t know what it is
I don’t know how to feel
If that hope is worth keeping
Or maybe just let it all fly out
Something I never thought about
Dropped down without a sound
A concept I don’t even want consider
Pushed down
Forced up
I still just feel empty
An emptiness I don’t want to fill
Sep 12, 2020
Sep 12, 2020 at 5:48 PM UTC
I dream of never being perceived
having the world never see me again
I’ll take up no space
just pass through bookshelves
and give the occasional shiver
just to prove that I still can
I want to be haunting
just in the back of the library
a legend people tell
but can never quite prove
pure speculation
I want to be a ghost
so no one can really look at me
living only in thoughts and conversations
but never on my own
Feb 20, 2020
Feb 20, 2020 at 3:20 AM UTC
life is safe in your arms
shield me from myself
the thoughts can’t get through your love
your skin against mine
connection deeper than this
I’m fully physical
just a body next to yours
soaking in the warmth of love
a bed with you in it
is better than anything I’ve ever wanted
Jan 1, 2020
Jan 1, 2020 at 8:44 PM UTC
I feel the weight of it on my hand
the possibilities
bliss?
darkness?
pain?
a second chance?
no one knows
except those who succeed
I don’t want others to be in pain
but I can’t handle my own
it’s selfish to go
but even harder to see
life past today
Jan 1, 2020
Jan 1, 2020 at 8:37 PM UTC
we live in life
stories of sunshine
true days hidden
in corners of diaries
lock and key
covers and tape
most days untold
eaten up by
minds so sad
Jan 1, 2020
Jan 1, 2020 at 6:20 PM UTC
perfect life I dreamt of:
a shot of hormones
a boy who loves me
a place to call my own
and freedom to live
I have it all
yet why is it not enough?
four years it’s all I thought of
the fix to all my problems
all but one
became the start of all of them
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019 at 12:13 AM UTC
im trapped by a bed
and i dont know if i want to get out
sleeping isnt a safe place
i never sleep soundly
yet im always thinking about
when i can be in bed
eyes closed and unconscious
i dont enjoy sleeping
i enjoy not thinking
i enjoy the time where i dont think
that its just random dreams
good or bad
because they arent real
like the thoughts in my head
i want to fix it
feel alive and not plan my day around naps
that i can be awake for more than 10 hours
without needing to collapse on a bed
but if i get fixed
i dont have an excuse
i wont be able to say im just tired
because its so much more
im trapped by my mind
and i just want to get out
Oct 31, 2019
Oct 31, 2019 at 1:35 AM UTC
sometimes I think I don’t know what love is
that I can’t say the words
since I haven’t lived long enough
to really experience it
but then I remember how I felt
with his head in my lap
my hands idly playing with his hair
as he fell asleep
how he let me fidget with his fingers
when I have nothing to occupy my mind
and that he found it cute and not annoying
I know how love feels
I know what it is because of his blue eyes
how they look at me in the morning
after holding me all night long
it’s in the way he softly kisses me
before I walk away
even though I’ll see him in a few hours
it’s how I am amazed at
every little thing he does
that even a small smile I see daily
always makes my heart flutter
sometimes I think I don’t know what love is
but then I remember him
and how he showed me
what true love is
Oct 28, 2019
Oct 28, 2019 at 7:53 PM UTC
your heartbeat in my ear
fingers tracing my freckles
I feel safe in your arms
and at home against your chest
Jun 26, 2019
Jun 26, 2019 at 6:50 PM UTC
im sorry i wasnt enough
i only wanted to be yours
we couldve had it all
or at least thats what i thought
youre happier now
with someone i never thought youd love
im gone now
out of your life and everyone elses
Feb 25, 2019
Feb 25, 2019 at 10:07 PM UTC