I worry as if the iced tea I'm drinking
Is my own life itself.
I ponder how long it would last?
Not that I care about my life that much
But hell, that's such a good fruit tea.
Aug 7, 2018
Aug 7, 2018 at 5:44 AM UTC
Days and nights fuse into one
And prayers divide into two
Like a tree would sing to a canary
At three in the morning.
The night marked its reign
With a light bulb that had died.
Then it plagued a boy's mind
With a cup of tea his mother didn't make.
And once the séance has begun,
We all know it will never end.
Jul 2, 2018
Jul 2, 2018 at 5:06 PM UTC
The air is lava.
And time is a slow death.
I'm tap dancing on the road
With icicles as my feet.
No, this is not running, this is swimming.
Swimming inside the eyeball
Of a celestial nightmare.
The house is a gas chamber
In the disguise of a bakery.
Who would have known
That empty little words
Can cause chest wall contusions.
****** is not quite the word I would use.
Because eventually we all
Drink our caramel lattes and
Break God's nose in the end.
Jun 21, 2018
Jun 21, 2018 at 8:11 AM UTC
The pearly gates aren’t white.
Nor golden, for that matter.
I ponder if they’re even there.
One thing for sure is that
They’re black.
As black as Shachath’s onyx wings.
Open your eye, my dear.
Your eye with the mark of the falcon.
I whisper your name so softly
As my voice gets lost in the sea of desperation.
The hours are too loud
And the seconds too bright.
I want to see if you would let me in.
You were there when I was born.
You were there when Azareal kissed for the first time.
You were there as I took my first breath.
I can hear the ravens caw
Like an alarm clock, but reversed,
Telling me to sleep.
Because The Dreaming and The Shadowless Fields are just a door away.
The door where I’m standing at right now.
The door only her sigil can open.
Jun 17, 2018
Jun 17, 2018 at 1:14 PM UTC
I hit the big red reset button,
Hoping it would blow my head up
And replace it with a bouquet of violet tulips just because.
Happiness is a bubble soaring up into the sky,
An outburst of cheer and starry nights.
It was just that
I was too foolish to believe
That I could be the little child in the tub again.
My eyes got lost in the
Tiny whisper that comes from the back of my mind.
Saying “I’m still here”,
Reminding me of what I am which is what it is which is what we are.
And it’d be absurd if I said some scars never fade
Because either all scars fade
Or the memories of them do.
And I hit the big red reset button,
Denying the fact that it’d all be the same again.
Jun 12, 2018
Jun 12, 2018 at 11:07 AM UTC
Another word gets lost in my throat,
Ravaged by the blindness
That my heart conjured up.
All I can hear is the devil
Whispering into my ear,
Saying “just one more” amidst the white noise of a room of a hundred people.
Every letter starts dissolving
Into my coffee,
Slowly drifting away into the meaningless impulse.
My lungs are congested,
Carrying all the lust I smoked.
There’s a black plastic bag around my head,
Defying all the rules of the universe,
Making sure that I see nothing
But numbers and words and
Whatever you call that is.
Whatever you call that is.
Whatever you call that is.
Jun 2, 2018
Jun 2, 2018 at 11:22 AM UTC
Words become meaningless as I mutter them for the 14th time.
I’m building a tower of alphabets
So that I can jump to my own death from it.
I can feel my heartstrings
Get tightened.
My mind slowly drifts to home
As the line between the two demons grow thinner.
But I don’t know if I still have a home
Because even my body has stopped
Being my heart’s home.
So I just blink my eyes one more time,
Hoping I will never have to open them ever again.
May 26, 2018
May 26, 2018 at 2:09 AM UTC
Now here’s the crazy thing about mental illnesses and poetry.
A pen can be a knife and well,
Vice versa.
Maybe you’d seen me scribbling nonsense on my notes;
Where I should be taking notes instead, mind you.
Believe me, in my mind
I’d have killed everyone in the room,
Maybe including you,
Three times at least
By stabbing them in the eyes
And of course, myself, in the end
By the time I’d have finished the first line.
My mind is a cat that can change its shape.
Sometimes it’s a lazy Persian That wouldn’t get out of its bed
And sometimes it’s a Corgi
That just wouldn’t stop barking.
You must now be thinking
“But Corgi is a dog breed. Aren’t you supposed to be talking about cats?”
Well, and I’m supposed to be out,
Talking to people like everyone else
Instead of complaining here, am I not?
I wish my body was a high school
So that I could report to the principal that
My brain is relentlessly bullying
My heart by making her pay for
Everything that he lacks.
May 2, 2018
May 2, 2018 at 1:52 AM UTC
So I punched the wall again.
For the first time In two months.
The bruises were completely gone just last month.
It was a smart choice I’d say.
The wall was an antidote
And my hand was poison
That I was going to use for them.
Do you know what pain looks like?
It looks like the look in your beautiful mother’s eyes when she’s looking at you.
It looks like the words your father yells at you.
It looks like you singing Sufjan Stevens’ The Only Thing to the all smashed-up package of cigarettes in your hand.
It looks like the god **** bruises on your **** knuckles.
It looks like the ******* scars on your ******* arms that they think are ridiculous.
But it’s not ugly.
Pain is a blessing.
Because it lets you know you’re still human.
Even though everyone treats you like you’re not.
Apr 14, 2018
Apr 14, 2018 at 1:39 PM UTC
I can see them burn;
The eyes of dozens of people.
They burn with enthusiasm to watch me burn.
I’m at stake
With flames on my body;
Flames of hate,
Flames of despise,
Flames of hatred
And flames of pity.
All I want right now is to burn.
Because being burnt is
More pleasant than
Being burnt.
I’m in the middle of the town
Because of my existence.
Because of what I’m born with.
Why do I have to suffer for
Something I didn’t get to choose?
I’ve closed my eyes shut
For all my life
So that they wouldn’t know
They shine a different spectrum.
Not anymore.
I’m letting them shine for
The first and the last time.
I will let them shine for you.
I will burn for you.
I will let them burn me for you.
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 11:40 PM UTC