noctum-lux
German
I hate words, for they are unable to do what they are needed for. Description. / Can you describe all your feelings? I cannot. / / Sometimes I get to feel an amazing emotion but it is nearly impossible to transer this phenomen into another person through words. / There's no doubt, that we can move people with our words, but most of the time I am pretty disappointed about my disability to put my strong emotions into words. / / I'm not able to do so, yet. / Hopefully I'll improve, although deep down in my head I already know or rather feel...that to accomplish this goal in its fullness will be impossible.
I greet the night,
chasing after your profile left only in my revolving memories,
You said, “I can’t be there for you.” when you left me
but the tears embracing your cheeks couldn’t comfort me
Every time you felt like you’d be swallowed up in the waves of
contradiction and expectations, you always held back your tears, you know?
“What a strong,pure person”, they said, but everyone overestimated you
and before you knew it you lost sight of who you really are
Then the sun I thought would always be near me collapsed
and the light shut off
Rubbing out the truths and the lies of one day, altogether
I greet the morning
still, ironically, chasing after your shadow in my revolving dreams.
Jan 20, 2013
Jan 20, 2013 at 6:09 PM UTC
I’ve been staring on those blank pages
for half my young life
yet I fall into rage as the words feel like knifes
only if others throw them at me.
Why? Why?? Can’t I just lay down?
Feels like I’ll never be grown.
And suddenly I feel warm rivers rushing down my face
and I cannot identify if it is my blood, or is it my tears
is it the blank pain? or just the following fears?
Maybe it’s nothing but kindness. A battle, a war I chose.
Where’s my sword, my shield, no, where is my side,
where my field.
And I try to see through the fog
try to catch the stars which are falling like tear drops
from the dark sky. My hands they burn, as I hold those
golden diamonds from above.
Would you believe me, that this man is still just a boy
who likes to play hide and seek,but is way too good in hiding,
no one ever would find him. Sometimes he would forget himself
where his secret base is.
And from his secret sanctuary he would see death.
He would see pain and demons, who try to grab him,
no peace in mind, all what’s searchin’ for him are lies.
He always just wanted to become the big mountain in the horizon.
The ones lightened up by the sun, where all the birds loved flying to.
Now, watching in the mirror there is no boy, no frank smile.
No innocence. All he sees are two gates sharing with him
the melancholy of a sad life.
Who is this person in front of me, who is telling me to die,
to not deny hatred, to lie, to bring the demon from inside?
If I watch him in the eyes, after a while I get blind.
All I see is darkness.
No, not me! That’s not me! Everyone else, but I won’t become like that.
It won’t be us. You and me, we’re not them. We’ll fly like Icarus and if I fall into the sea, nearing the death, drowning, catching for a helping hand, I throw a last glance at the mountains in the horizon, lightened up by the sun, with a beautiful pure white peak. That white, you only can see on those blank pages.
Nov 14, 2012
Nov 14, 2012 at 1:22 PM UTC
I did not die,
I did not lose hope and cried.
My eyes did not what they imply
It’s the weather that made my lips dry
I did not lost my precious soul
My fire didn’t change into sable coal
I was still sure of my heroic role
It’s the weather that made me feel sole
I did not step into frowning abyss
Trying to heal some emotional illness
Darkness did not give me a seducing kiss
It’s the **** weather that I wanted to dismiss
I did not die
and probably never will…
But if I did
and became real ill,
well,nearly over my own hill
finally forced to pay the bill…
I’d jump on the table
Singing my favorite song
Fight one last battle
With some guy who’s really strong
I’d kiss the girls and get rejected
To hell with the money that I collected!
On the streets I’d act like awfully dense
Dressing funny, asking people for a silly dance
And finally lay on some keenly green grass
Whistle a beautiful melody for the whole mass
Of flowers and bees and butterflies
Until the very second that my melody dies.
But I did not die,
and I probably never will.
But if I did…
Nov 12, 2012
Nov 12, 2012 at 2:36 PM UTC