& so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
isn’t this how it goes?
the hero takes a villain, and twists their heart.
molds it to something into something sweet.
you’d think you’d know better by now.
you don’t.
you’d think that, maybe, this time you can change.
you can’t.
you can try to be good for them.
you aren’t.
your smiles are fake. not what he wants.
your face is fake, caked with make up. not what he deserves.
after shave and his cologne overwhelm you. you can smell it when he hugs you.
( only so you’ll stop crying at night. )
you think, every time he smiles, that you can believe in God again.
that you can walk inside a church and not burn.
you never try.
you can lie all you want and say you are just fine.
you can lie all you want and still smile.
you can pretend he doesn’t hear your sobs.
you can pretend you hear his in return.
if he'd just kiss you, finally, it’d be so pure
he’s so pure.
( isn't he? )
you’re not pure enough for him.
you never will be.
you’re not the hero in this story.
you push him away and pretend not to be ready.
( your heart has never beat so fast.
it’s trying to beat into his chest. into home. )
he tells you it’s okay, and then makes dinner.
alone.
alone-- like how you will die one of these days.
alone.
Jan 29, 2018
Jan 29, 2018 at 6:46 PM UTC
Pained breath laced the air
Drenched my lips factory blue
Hair in brittle cracklings
Fire gone out
Imagine, imagine. Look, it’s flickering. Real light from fireflies, safe in a jar.
Yet here I stand
in a barbed wire fairy ring
Snow balanced on lashes
Tiptoe in pause
Ashes, ashes, round rosy once more.
And I think to myself
(what a wonderful world)
of the warmth of your fingertip
doilied with ice
So happy, so happy. No hint of mistletoe here.
But winter un-ended
The sun crisped the snow
Mist wreathed the ice
Clear droplets caught fire
It’s my fault (in wonder), it always has been.
Then you shattered my eyes
kaleidoscope slivers
spilling down to asphalt
lackluster in dust
Cold tastes acidic, like secondhand smoke from a tattered cigarette hanging from his lips.
Shackled me to wire
ground out my fire
chopped off my hair
painted my lips
You looked just like me. One, Two. One, Two.
What I wouldn’t give
I’ll smile one last time.
What I wouldn’t wish for.
Look at the fireflies.
Can you see me now?
Just for you.
Jan 29, 2018
Jan 29, 2018 at 6:41 PM UTC
We were once kids.
We were once wild.
We were once soldiers.
In the dead of winter, you greeted death.
You fell from my grip and into the darkness,
and now a hundred years have rotted away and I have never felt so alone.
I ran from the winter because war was to attached to it.
I close my eyes and I see you there on the front line.
Young and drained, you were just a body rotting away.
Full of life so you hung on with everything you had.
bang
bang
It was such an awful sound.
Only if I had taken your place.
If only you would have run the other way.
Just how unfair is our luck.
Someday I'll teach myself to learn and live alone.
I'll teach myself that death was not the enemy.
But the winter storm rages on and I'm still having trouble breathing.
Don't be alarmed.
I march on.
Like the soldier I once was.
Don't be alarmed.
I've seen many winter storms
and I have miraculously survived them all.
Can't you see that I don't want to move on?
Don't bring tomorrow because I can't take another.
My eyes are too fogged to see the light.
My minds too cluttered to think right.
I've tasted my own tears
and faced all my fears.
So here I am.
Laying on the floor.
So here we are.
Together once more.
Jan 29, 2018
Jan 29, 2018 at 6:40 PM UTC
we became so accustomed
with dying
that living
no longer came naturally.
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 12:09 PM UTC
You broke your little girl.
You dropped her head
in a boiling ***
and the pressure
broke her skull.
Fished her out
and set her
in the sun to
dry and dry and dry.
Your neglectful hands
left her there to turn
the color of things
trapped between train tracks.
And now she exists.
You can hear her
but you don’t understand
what she’s screaming.
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 11:50 AM UTC