Over the years I have managed to forget a lot of things
Forgetting things has become a habit now..
However, some pain
I have carried for so long
That it’s embedded in the layers of my flesh and bone
It’s like living in a house made of wood
But the wood is rotten and it's reeking
Of distant memories
It’s like living in a dream
Fleeting glimpses
From unknown sources
Helplessly looking at familiar faces
No words ever come out of our mouths
We stare at each other, sometimes with a smile
Then we sigh, and we look away
Still, sometimes you just can’t help but feel lucky to be alive
It’s a strange feeling
The ocean visits me in my dreams
The only uninvited guest that can bring so much joy
But when I visit the ocean
I get overwhelmed by the vastness of it
It has the power to devour the earth anytime
The wait … is what kills me
Nothing ever happens
I break, I shatter
I crumble, I collapse.
I’m made again
Only suffer
Jun 27, 2022
Jun 27, 2022 at 7:59 AM UTC
I’m avoiding a void, Freud warned me of
by worming my way in to the apple of my eye
I know it sounds paranoid as above so below
ground zero dark thirty where I heard the well runs dry.
Hell, I wonder why I try to quench my thirst for knowledge
from any ***** puddle when I’m at a cow college
‘cuz nowadays I rather cuddle up with a good book
than be-fuddled by how to transgress, ring a bell hooks?
Well looks deceive and I can guess
by the wings you have yet to receive
we have come to the some of nothing
from something I thought we were far beyond
but maybe I was wrong at the end of it all.
You said it wasn’t my fault but then again,
Freire taught me how to lock
away my thoughts in a vault.
I’m hemmed in with Hemingway in the corner of the café.
We spend half the day laughing at our neighbors savoring
their lattes but condemning how they stray away from nature
‘cuz labor’s not their taste.
He says, “What a waste of time.
Do you see a better paradigm?”
I agree because I was scared at the time
to embarrass myself in front of an idol of mine.
I know it’s futile to rival a dead mind
but when they’re better than the headlines
I don’t mind if I never shine brighter than a dying light
‘cuz it only really matters in the end if I’m trying right?
but what am I trying for when I lost a friend to love and war?
Cut the ties, I’m alive.
Who was I dying for?
Who was I fighting for?
Who was I writing for?
Shelby tells me where the sidewalk ends
and well, he’s been a better friend than you’ve ever been;
ever since you left me and met he who shall not be named
nor blamed for this game you played against us.
Again trust was just a part of it all.
I was miserable like Margaret Hall.
Withdrawals always reinforce walls of remorse
and of course, I’m the source of all your problems
but who took the time to resolve them?
You weren’t forced to endorse any course of action
except follow the laws of attraction.
Perhaps gravity magnifies abreaction
or the severity of abstraction.
Yet Apollo would swallow
all his pride and passion
hollow out his home
and throw a match in.
© Matthew Harlovic
Jul 23, 2017
Jul 23, 2017 at 4:36 PM UTC
I'll stop running from myself
When I stop ending up running into myself
When dream was the only escape, now that it's become a trap,
What do I rely on?
I don't want to find myself everywhere I go
Please tell it to follow me not
with its mind filled with vicious thoughts
Thoughts that crumble me
Purple flashes of anger
It's just the sky rumbling
Will you ever come,
pick up the scattered pieces?
And squeeze it all back into the places,
With the embrace I yearn for?
You, the mystery I loved.
You, the treasure I lost.
Feb 18, 2017
Feb 18, 2017 at 7:07 AM UTC
Demise of a sweet friendship
You're still stuck living in pretense
I gave you many chances , for the hope that you'd change
I left you alone a thousand times before
And again for the very same reason
I'll do the same one more time
Oh only if you could love me a little less as a lover
I would've kept this friendship alive
Feb 17, 2017
Feb 17, 2017 at 5:37 PM UTC
In my dream last night
you let me know it's not coming back
In my dream last night
I saw a bag full of lip balms
But I still looked for
the one I had
The one I lost
The one that might come back
But still not coming back
Bare it stays,my chapped lips
Oh my blueberry lip balm
May you never forget
the touch of my finger tips.
Feb 17, 2017
Feb 17, 2017 at 5:27 PM UTC