when you look at me like that it almost makes me feel like you're listening to me and when you speak to me like that with your "hm's" it almost makes me feel like you care about how you speak to me and when you touched my thigh it almost makes me feel like you craved the feeling of skin too like me and when you sit there and look at me it almost makes me feel like you want me to look back and when you sat there with me in silence when i ate my fiesta potatoes it almost made me feel like you didn't mind my weirdness and when you laughed with me it almost made me feel like we were connected and when you sit near me it makes me feel safer and when you put your hand on my shoulder all i could think about was the warmth radiating from it and when you're around i just never want to separate and when you text me and when you look at me and when you walk and when you smile at me and can you hold me please and can you please tell me everything's okay even though things aren't and thank you for coming with me and please keep holding me and please don't let me go and please kiss me on my cheek and please just tell me im doing a good job and please and please and please and thank you.
Sep 30, 2022
Sep 30, 2022 at 11:51 PM UTC
everything within me calls out to you
-
my thighs burn with flames growing nightly
your head fits between them perfectly with my hand resting peacefully in your hair
my hands vacant without yours
my ******* lack the little memories you like to leave on them
my tears too scared to fall without the safety of your fingers caressing them
my stomach an easel for your hand tracings and a pillow for your head
oh how we laugh when it growls
-
your name begs on its knees to be called in every sentence i say
my words long to fit around it, be its mold
your lips have teased me with that crooked smirk and that tongue peaking out with the most mischievous intentions
-
come.
Nov 26, 2021
Nov 26, 2021 at 8:22 PM UTC
suddenly my fingers have decided to dance across my keyboard
let them form what they may
-
you, you pretty boy
i've been avoiding writing this and making it out to you
as if you were a treasure i'd found in a cave or cove that i couldn't bare to lose
as if you'd brought me so much fortune and happiness
but really you were more of a leech
not letting me go and keeping me within your sights
giving me an inch, a speck of your attention, a sliver of you
-
you kept me up at night
the way you'd run across the mind
never leaving but instead made yourself too comfortable
interjecting when anyone else thought of coming into the palace you'd built for yourself
-
i was crazy about you
despite you being a walking log of inconsistencies and disappointments with your random texts and acts of closeness
despite you hurting me so much with your constant returns and empty sentences because you've never had enough to say
-
still i just couldn't bring myself to say or even think anything negative about you.
i wanted to keep my faith in you, that you'd let me in the murky waters you'd surrounded yourself with.
even now there's still this atomic size of hope i've kept locked away for you
-
for so long i wanted to remain mature, the bigger person, the adult
but i'm only 17
so, in that case
-
**** you and **** off.
Apr 9, 2021
Apr 9, 2021 at 1:00 PM UTC
i don't know the exact moment i became so selfish
maybe the moment i let go of all the things you wanted for me
and decided to just breathe in my own air.
i don't know the exact moment i stopped being the perfect daughter you want me to be
probably both times you thought to ask me if i liked girls
or when you asked me if i needed to see a therapist after finding the letters
i don't know the exact moment i started to go into my own head for comfort instead of with my friends
now it's my thoughts that haunt me and make me shake like no earthquake could
Feb 26, 2021
Feb 26, 2021 at 7:04 PM UTC
if i died tomorrow,
the many poems stuck in my head would be left unwritten,
and the lyrics hidden in my guitar would remain without a tune.
the "i love you”s i carried to and from school would be covered in regret like thick dust,
almost as heavy as the chains made of “i’m sorry”s concealed in side pockets of my backpack.
the kisses I saved for the right moment would remain in my desk drawer,
melting into a gooey mess of doubt and hesitations.
if i died tomorrow,
i would beg for more time,
and for that I am ashamed.
Oct 25, 2020
Oct 25, 2020 at 9:23 PM UTC
there are girls
that glow like a warm sunset
their bodies are flowers
delicate and small and easy
Oct 25, 2020
Oct 25, 2020 at 9:23 PM UTC
who ever thought
that life could become
so
incredibly
lifeless.
Oct 25, 2020
Oct 25, 2020 at 9:22 PM UTC
i am seventeen soon
two days from sunday to be exact
i don’t know how i feel about growing old
i still feel like i am waiting to be young
will it always feel like this?
there were days when seventeen seemed
so unattainable
i didn’t plan to still be
but i’m here i guess
seventeen
how odd
Oct 25, 2020
Oct 25, 2020 at 9:22 PM UTC
i'm so used to someone cutting me off or just the lack of attention to what i'm actually saying
that now i'm almost scared when people really listen to me
i wait for the punchline of their sick joke and their gutwrenching laugh that will soon follow
***
every word is a risk
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 1:43 AM UTC
you play at the edges of my mind
taking more of me every time you come
there is no prevention i could take against you
i've put trees along my coastlines by thinking of other people, putting on movies, doing work
i've even tried deleting your name, shoving it down to my murky depths
i hoped you'd stay there for everything you've made me feel
but you simply refuse to be forgotten
you only come back stronger with every tide
Oct 8, 2020
Oct 8, 2020 at 5:26 PM UTC