20 August 2018 4:46 PM
Haunted by the plague of empathy:
Filtration in a house of human emotion.
I am dampened by the tears;
the walls swell with empty apologies.
Paint chips fall with cancelled plans
the mirror cracks upon reflection of wasted time.
Hinges creak with a wilted will:
the taunting of unopened doors.
Tattered floorboards chance comfort
scuff marks of a dance never felt.
Shadowed by the doubts dragged in from my visitors
Will the beauty in my woodwork show through?
Every step towards the attic clouds grow in my chest
And soon it won’t just be the rain, but a storm of all my rage.
I’m sick and tired of the wires and the walls holding me in
This isn’t home, it is my hell, my own head is like a prison.
You’ve picked at everything I’ve built, so don’t dare call me a friend
So please, dear, do me a favor and don’t ever knock again.
-newportsmooths h.g.
Mar 15, 2019
Mar 15, 2019 at 3:47 PM UTC
16 November 2018 10:28 PM
I am your warmest winter jacket
In the bitter cold of your heart’s winter
I am what you seek for comfort
Only to be left hanging in the dark of your closet for the sunny days.
I’m sick of feeling used as a pill to ease the pain.
I’m not your binge tequila shots or ******* lines
Call me a human out loud; I think you’ve forgotten what I am.
I folded up easily into your box for half a decade
Now I’m sick of the dust I’ve built up.
I will shake myself clean of what you’ve made me feel.
You will never wear me like I’m yours again.
-newportsmooths h.g.
Mar 15, 2019
Mar 15, 2019 at 3:44 PM UTC
October 18, 2018 5:09 PM
I’ve eaten more pills this week than meals
an unintentional version of self destruction.
My windows are open in the tornado of my mind and debris is scattered in my skull.
Lost in the wreckage of my limbs and life I’m losing my will to walk any further.
I’ve become a resident in illness: overly familiar with the territory.
Yet I wander every single day lacking a clue for where to turn next.
Clustered into bones and flesh is my human mess
Not contained to my head the current runs red to my chest and I’m bleeding out of my rib cage.
A cage that could not withhold the pressure of a thousand screams never let go.
Now I’m tattered in the aftermath of a bad year and one can’t fathom materials to fix my wounds.
I lie here on the floor: hoping the dripping faucet of optimism will refill me soon.
-newportsmooths h.g.
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 12:28 PM UTC
January 26, 2016 9:58am
She had bones of coil
bending and twisting through lies
drinking to forget each night.
This sure isn't the first time
always *** into a rut.
She's got eyes like the bottle,
empty, but filled with sorrow.
Her head is heavy, chest is hollow
since liquor never helps tomorrow.
-newportsmooths h.g.
Feb 8, 2016
Feb 8, 2016 at 11:02 AM UTC
January 26, 2016 1:39pm
I wrap around your memory like ivy
I just can't help but blame it on timing
still aware of your independence
but you're still stuck in my chest like cement
failing to inhale, I start to choke
as hands of nostalgia grip my throat
you fill my lungs with toxic smoke
the mark you left has become scarred
I just can't do love anymore
-newportsmooths h.g.
Feb 3, 2016
Feb 3, 2016 at 11:14 PM UTC
February 11, 2015 9:55am
Everything is constantly floating within
I'll often find myself in motion
or moving my mouth in meaningless conversation
coming back to reality isn't helped by meditation
when the daze inside is caused by medication.
Swimming in synthetic dopamine
am I twitching from the Focalin
or the anxiety it's causing me?
–newportsmooths h.g.
Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015 at 1:19 AM UTC
February 26, 2015 12:43pm
Last night I felt the moon drop it's light on me.
Swinging upside down, I saw the world from a new perspective.
Tall towers illuminating the highway horizon,
I remembered why I breathe.
Stars and ****** stories on swingsets
pushed warmth into a February evening.
Why have I stayed locked up in my room?
Hopes come high with revolutions of the moon.
The nights are dipped in ink
drawing life inside of me.
Lurking in the Tulsa twilight,
tangled dreams at seventeen.
–newportsmooths h.g.
Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015 at 1:12 AM UTC
February 13, 2015 12:46am
when I shined the light on the sidewalk
the little glimmers in the concrete began to shift and sway
and they all saw it
but they don't exist
presences to keep me from loneliness
I wonder who's holding me right now
is it a ghost, a lover, or my imagination?
–newportsmooths h.g.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 3:21 AM UTC
February 7, 2015 11:51pm
it smells like spring of my sophomore year:
things seemingly falling into place
while I was falling in love,
and I'm pushing away the memories.
all those faces bring bitter feelings to mind.
why did the puzzle seem to come together
while the picture slowly made less sense?
–newportsmooths h.g.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 3:13 AM UTC
February 5, 2015 12:58am
I walked out interrupting a conversation:
a circle of empty chairs on my back porch.
I have no clue as to what they spoke of,
but they seemed slightly offended by my presence.
the wind rustles leaves to sound like animals;
the creaks and whispers hinting at death.
it all has me so grateful to breathe for the experience–
walking in on ghostly talk, yet never finding fear from it.
-newportsmooths h.g.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 3:02 AM UTC