you wanted me for yourself
but you also wanted others
to want you
you wanted their hungry looks
their hands on your knee,
your back,
your neck,
your chest...
you wanted their flirtatious whispers,
the smell of their breath as they leaned in,
hoping to kiss your lips
you wanted others to want you so much that
you forgot about me
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 7:58 AM UTC
your kiss was the
best
and
worst
thing to ever happen to me
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 7:50 AM UTC
seeing you makes
my heart flutter
my head spin
my knees go weak
and beads of sweat to form
now, seeing you causes
those same reactions,
but it feels more like the flu
than love
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 7:48 AM UTC
you promised you would be there, after
that our friendship was too important to lose
i don't think you meant to lie,
but you did
my mistake was believing you
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 7:47 AM UTC
I woke up this morning and it happened
the same thing at first
I looked for you and I found you
(posting pictures to Facebook with your new friends)
(posing for Snapchats of your shots and your beer pong skills, because it's important that people know you're fun!)
I looked for you and I found you
******* up to others, proving your worth)
(doing what you want in the moment and forgetting about everything else, because you can explain it all away tomorrow)
I looked for you and I found you
and I used to feel
(jealousy, because I have never understood why everyone else matters more than me)
(anger, because I am so tired of the wanting, the waiting, the wishing, the what ifs, and the why am I not good enoughs)
I woke up this morning and it happened
I looked for you and I found you
and finally
I didn't feel
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 7:44 AM UTC
Addicted to
Liquor
Beer
Wine
The buzz
Addicted to
Snacks
Dinner
2nd dinner
Excess
Addicted to
Painkillers
Creating pain
Numbing pain
Addicted to
Worry
Addicted to
Self-doubt
Addicted to
negativity
Addicted to
Distraction
Addicted to
Secrecy
Addicted to
Escape
Always
Escape
Dec 20, 2015
Dec 20, 2015 at 3:03 PM UTC
there are ants crawling
underneath my door,
up the side of my trashcan,
onto my counter,
into my room.
spraying them,
creating boundaries,
reminds me.
i am not the only one
who always feels like my presence is
an imposition.
May 14, 2015
May 14, 2015 at 7:27 PM UTC
lies heavy upon me
in the mashed potatoes to my left
the beer on my right
the "if onlys"
and
"what ifs"
that weigh on my heart
the
"i'll get up and run!"
followed by
**** i'm too tired."
the
"help me,
come to this,
i need you,
don't forget the early meeting,
we need you,
come over here now,
help me."
step by step by step by step by step by step
the day progresses
and ends in a
beer to my right
mashed potatoes to my left
i will always run
tomorrow.
May 14, 2015
May 14, 2015 at 7:21 PM UTC
i feel confident
state my opinion
stand my ground
then, defeated,
i wonder
did i imagine it all?
i feel crazy
life is most comfortable
assuming
and
embracing
the fact that i am most often
wrong
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 5:54 PM UTC