I have so much to say,
but no where to put it,
no one to put it.
You text me,
I say nothing.
You call me,
the call will stay missed.
I say nothing...
but honestly I'm saying everything,
by saying nothing.
No one gets it.
I look you in the eyes,
and I say nothing,
but inside I am screaming, clawing to tell you everything,
or nothing.
Because I so badly want to be heard,
but not be seen.
This notebook could be filled with everything,
or nothing.
My indecisive mind will not let me choose,
but it's not your fault,
and I know it hurts that I keep a wall between me and everyone, everything.
I can't get to close or I'll divulge everything,
or nothing.
So you see it's all to much.
I must keep it all in,
or I'll explode...
or I'll explode from keeping it in.
Yes, No
Stay, Go
I have so much to say,
yet no where to put it.
May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 8:18 PM UTC
I wonder what it feels like to break.
Is it like a snap,
or a horrendous pop?
I wonder if I'll know when it happens,
or is it such a subtle thing,
so subtle one barely notices.
Have I already broken,
into the tiniest pieces,
so small and so intricate that some of the pieces turn to powder,
no one could ever find them all.
And if they did,
those pieces are jagged,
and would surely cut them to the bone if picked up.
I feel myself falling apart,
but don't mind me.
I'll pick up the pieces,
the ones that are big enough to see anyway.
I'll look like a paper doll,
with pieces taped together over my body.
And you will see me,
And you will laugh at the way my pieces don't fit together.
Nobody will want something like me.
A Frankenstein's monster of epic proportions.
And now I'm sure that I have broken.
And it didn't feel like a snap or a pop,
while that probably would have felt more pleasant.
Breaking is a slow descent into hell,
one that you don't realize is happening until you're there.
And I am here.
And I am stuck.
But don't mind me,
as I turn to dust.
May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 7:51 PM UTC
I feel it coming,
the night.
Serenity washes over me,
while the stars make a blanket in the sky.
It's the only time I'm free.
The moon knows me more than any creature on Earth.
My thoughts are at rest.
I can hide from the sun.
The sun amplifies my mistakes,
and laughs at my regrets.
The moon knows no mistakes,
it has no regrets.
I feel more myself in complete darkness
than I ever have in the light of day.
The moon doesn't care if you are alone.
The sun insists upon relationships,
ones that I do not have the energy for.
The moon is my strength.
When the sun finishes its daily routine,
I rejoice.
For I know that I will see my friend again.
I feel it coming,
the night.
May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 7:31 PM UTC