my-cuts-dont-define-me - Hello Poetry

I watched as the rain pooled in the wells of your cheeks, The shadows fought for dominance between the cracks in your teeth. I watched as the light left your eyes, Your wandering soul pulling its way out of them. I watched as your breath fought to make your chest rise again, Hammering its way up and down, like a jackhammer on a mission. I’m sorry that I saw stars in your eyes, And I fell for you, yet I wasn’t there when the light left. I’m sorry I saw flowers within your heart, And I picked a few, but I wasn’t there to pick you up when you fell. I’m sorry I heard birds sing each time you took a breath, And I held a few of those birds, but I never let go and you suffocated. I’m sorry that I fell in love with your smile, But I got nervous and left to quickly. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for loving you, Because regardless of the nights we spent smiling, I left and you fell apart. And lastly I’m sorry, I’m sorry I never told you I was falling apart too

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Feb 12, 2017

Feb 12, 2017 at 3:08 AM UTC

I watched

I watched as the rain pooled in the wells of your cheeks, The shadows fought for dominance between the cracks in your teeth. I watched as the light left your eyes, Your wandering soul pulling its way out of them. I watched as your breath fought to make your chest rise again, Hammering its way up and down, like a jackhammer on a mission. I’m sorry that I saw stars in your eyes, And I fell for you, yet I wasn’t there when the light left. I’m sorry I saw flowers within your heart, And I picked a few, but I wasn’t there to pick you up when you fell. I’m sorry I heard birds sing each time you took a breath, And I held a few of those birds, but I never let go and you suffocated. I’m sorry that I fell in love with your smile, But I got nervous and left to quickly. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for loving you, Because regardless of the nights we spent smiling, I left and you fell apart. And lastly I’m sorry, I’m sorry I never told you I was falling apart too

19

You'll try to pull your heart back together like a piece of art that you got rid of, And he will kiss you, Kiss you like he isn't the one holding a gun to your neck whispering the sweet words, Do it. And you'll be so happy because you're no longer fighting for him, But within the weeks your heart will once again feel like he took an iron and placed it there Telling you, Here. Hold this for me. You'll see him around, probably with another girl, And you'll ache because she's "prettier" then you. And your friends will do anything to distract you, Some of them might even say you're better off, But you'll feel like you're about to throw up at the thought of that. Because you're holding so tightly to your heart because you feel it might fall out of your chest if you let go. You’ll hold the duvet over your head, Afraid of what you might see if you let it go. Afraid he might be gone again. And he'll come back, telling you the wonderful words, I still love you. And you'll break at the thought of him leaving again. But you'll give him your heart wholeheartedly because you love him. But he doesn't, Soon you'll realize the game being played, But you won't care. It'll come to you late at night sometimes, The nights when he's "loving" someone else. And it will hurt like hell, And you’ll claim that you’re done And one day you will be But as of now you haven’t been. But I’ve always been one to surprise people.

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Sep 7, 2016

Sep 7, 2016 at 12:10 PM UTC

Do it.

You'll try to pull your heart back together like a piece of art that you got rid of, And he will kiss you, Kiss you like he isn't the one holding a gun to your neck whispering the sweet words, Do it. And you'll be so happy because you're no longer fighting for him, But within the weeks your heart will once again feel like he took an iron and placed it there Telling you, Here. Hold this for me. You'll see him around, probably with another girl, And you'll ache because she's "prettier" then you. And your friends will do anything to distract you, Some of them might even say you're better off, But you'll feel like you're about to throw up at the thought of that. Because you're holding so tightly to your heart because you feel it might fall out of your chest if you let go. You’ll hold the duvet over your head, Afraid of what you might see if you let it go. Afraid he might be gone again. And he'll come back, telling you the wonderful words, I still love you. And you'll break at the thought of him leaving again. But you'll give him your heart wholeheartedly because you love him. But he doesn't, Soon you'll realize the game being played, But you won't care. It'll come to you late at night sometimes, The nights when he's "loving" someone else. And it will hurt like hell, And you’ll claim that you’re done And one day you will be But as of now you haven’t been. But I’ve always been one to surprise people.

31

Welcome to a girl. A girl who built a city, Raised it up in her own hands Held it out to me. Showed me her work. Then crumpled it in her palms, Like puddy in her hands. She told me to help her make it real. I thought it was. But I guess city's don’t crumble The way my walls did when the tone of her voice changed. She got louder and my walls fell apart like sand. Little did I know, Her broken city Held an army. A army that you can’t hide from. You have to meet it head on. Or, it kills you. Or at least that's what I thought. But her army emerged, And pushed, and molded the city Until it was perfect again. She held a city in her palms. Showed me it again. This time, I held her fingers back. Her city had cracks running deep. Canyons that weren’t in it before had now shown up. Showing a beating heart under it. It was her heart. She crumpled her city, So her heart would be hidden. But once the army showed up, It showed her heart once more. The army helps her regain her humanity.

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Jan 19, 2016

Jan 19, 2016 at 11:37 AM UTC

She Built A City

Welcome to a girl. A girl who built a city, Raised it up in her own hands Held it out to me. Showed me her work. Then crumpled it in her palms, Like puddy in her hands. She told me to help her make it real. I thought it was. But I guess city's don’t crumble The way my walls did when the tone of her voice changed. She got louder and my walls fell apart like sand. Little did I know, Her broken city Held an army. A army that you can’t hide from. You have to meet it head on. Or, it kills you. Or at least that's what I thought. But her army emerged, And pushed, and molded the city Until it was perfect again. She held a city in her palms. Showed me it again. This time, I held her fingers back. Her city had cracks running deep. Canyons that weren’t in it before had now shown up. Showing a beating heart under it. It was her heart. She crumpled her city, So her heart would be hidden. But once the army showed up, It showed her heart once more. The army helps her regain her humanity.

35

I’m screaming at the whispers of you To shut up. Asking them to just let me believe I’m happy. Because if I can’t convince myself How can I convince you?

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Dec 11, 2015

Dec 11, 2015 at 11:14 AM UTC

I'm Screaming

I’m screaming at the whispers of you To shut up. Asking them to just let me believe I’m happy. Because if I can’t convince myself How can I convince you?

5

I loved with a passion in my soul, The kind of love you find Coming from an alcoholic with a fine bottle of brandy. It was toxic. They say I was out of control, I say blame it on love. After all this time I’m still holding onto rundown excuses. Trying to chase away the blues, With a baseball bat, Engraved with the words. Go Away I’ve found myself wandering down every empty street Hoping one of them would lead me back to myself. Then before realizing you can’t find yourself Within a pothole stricken road Without catching a cold. I caught a cold. And the cold I caught was wretched. Only cured by a carton of Ben and Jerrys And a long night That night was the longest. It was one of the nights were it felt Like a hand with arthritis was clutching your heart. I found myself downing any bottle of anything, And finding nothing. Then I found myself questioning The nothing I was finding. I found myself second guessing, Every breath I took. Like my lungs were the problem. But honestly, I’m gonna blame love, And I’m gonna be blaming it hard. And I’ll use every rundown excuse in the book, If it helps me find something. Something to hold onto Just so I get through the night. I will use every rundown excuse in the book, To find substance in the nothing I’ve been finding. Because within this nothing, There must be something. Because nothing is something, And something is not nothing. So here's to me and my rundown excuses The excuses I use when I need something. But can’t find anything.

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Nov 23, 2015

Nov 23, 2015 at 2:30 PM UTC

That Night Was The Longest

I loved with a passion in my soul, The kind of love you find Coming from an alcoholic with a fine bottle of brandy. It was toxic. They say I was out of control, I say blame it on love. After all this time I’m still holding onto rundown excuses. Trying to chase away the blues, With a baseball bat, Engraved with the words. Go Away I’ve found myself wandering down every empty street Hoping one of them would lead me back to myself. Then before realizing you can’t find yourself Within a pothole stricken road Without catching a cold. I caught a cold. And the cold I caught was wretched. Only cured by a carton of Ben and Jerrys And a long night That night was the longest. It was one of the nights were it felt Like a hand with arthritis was clutching your heart. I found myself downing any bottle of anything, And finding nothing. Then I found myself questioning The nothing I was finding. I found myself second guessing, Every breath I took. Like my lungs were the problem. But honestly, I’m gonna blame love, And I’m gonna be blaming it hard. And I’ll use every rundown excuse in the book, If it helps me find something. Something to hold onto Just so I get through the night. I will use every rundown excuse in the book, To find substance in the nothing I’ve been finding. Because within this nothing, There must be something. Because nothing is something, And something is not nothing. So here's to me and my rundown excuses The excuses I use when I need something. But can’t find anything.

47

My love may be blind, but my eyes have never failed me. You placed a gloved hand over my eyes, Telling me “our love is undying.” That my stubborn personality lit a new flame Inside your heart daily. You expressed your love for me, In songs you found on the internet. Then I began to see cracks Between your fingers. Seeing the way your smile would falter, As would the way you would look at me. The way our eyes would meet. Like we saw stars that had yet to be discovered. I remember the day You began to remove singular fingers. You began to tell me That my stubbornness, Is annoying. That the songs you had found on the internet, No longer applied. I think that was the day you removed your hands completely. And told me our love was dead. The line, Til death do us part Applies. Because we may not have died, But the love between us had. That was also the day, I realized I had won that stupid game of, I love you more.

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Nov 10, 2015

Nov 10, 2015 at 3:35 PM UTC

My Love May Be Blind.

My love may be blind, but my eyes have never failed me. You placed a gloved hand over my eyes, Telling me “our love is undying.” That my stubborn personality lit a new flame Inside your heart daily. You expressed your love for me, In songs you found on the internet. Then I began to see cracks Between your fingers. Seeing the way your smile would falter, As would the way you would look at me. The way our eyes would meet. Like we saw stars that had yet to be discovered. I remember the day You began to remove singular fingers. You began to tell me That my stubbornness, Is annoying. That the songs you had found on the internet, No longer applied. I think that was the day you removed your hands completely. And told me our love was dead. The line, Til death do us part Applies. Because we may not have died, But the love between us had. That was also the day, I realized I had won that stupid game of, I love you more.

31

I see it, The way you look at me When you believe I am not awake. I see the pity and fear in your eyes, The emotions you try to hide. I recognize them, Only because I see them in mine. Wretched emotions that I often run from, Find me more often then not. But only, Because I cannot stop. I do not stop and feel. Because feeling could mean, Accepting something is wrong. Maybe not accepting it, Will make me think it is not true. Because accepting it, Makes it even more powerful then before. So I cannot, Stop. Because stopping, Means feeling.

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Apr 11, 2015

Apr 11, 2015 at 6:16 PM UTC

I Cannot Stop.

I see it, The way you look at me When you believe I am not awake. I see the pity and fear in your eyes, The emotions you try to hide. I recognize them, Only because I see them in mine. Wretched emotions that I often run from, Find me more often then not. But only, Because I cannot stop. I do not stop and feel. Because feeling could mean, Accepting something is wrong. Maybe not accepting it, Will make me think it is not true. Because accepting it, Makes it even more powerful then before. So I cannot, Stop. Because stopping, Means feeling.

22

It's hard not to fall for someone, Who you can go to at 4am, And cry your heart out. It's hard not to fall for someone, Who knows who you are, Behind the makeup and the smile It's hard not to fall for someone, Who makes the pain disappear, For a little while. It's hard not to fall for someone, Who understand it's okay, To not be okay. It's hard not to fall for someone, Who knows that when you say, "I'm going to bed" It really means you're gonna think, For hours on end. It's hard not to fall for someone, Who knows the difference between, I'm fine and I'm in pain.

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Feb 18, 2015

Feb 18, 2015 at 9:48 PM UTC

It's Hard Not to Fall For

It's hard not to fall for someone, Who you can go to at 4am, And cry your heart out. It's hard not to fall for someone, Who knows who you are, Behind the makeup and the smile It's hard not to fall for someone, Who makes the pain disappear, For a little while. It's hard not to fall for someone, Who understand it's okay, To not be okay. It's hard not to fall for someone, Who knows that when you say, "I'm going to bed" It really means you're gonna think, For hours on end. It's hard not to fall for someone, Who knows the difference between, I'm fine and I'm in pain.

20

You have no idea, The effect people have had on you, Until they are gone. He was a great person, A great kid. Too smart, He should have known, Not to do this. I'm in pain, Your death, Hitting me like a bullet to the brain. I can feel tragedy, Flying around me, Like a haywire freight train. Suicide, Seemed to have been the answer. Micheal, I am not religious, But you will be a glorious angel.

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Feb 16, 2015

Feb 16, 2015 at 3:01 PM UTC

Glorious Angel

You have no idea, The effect people have had on you, Until they are gone. He was a great person, A great kid. Too smart, He should have known, Not to do this. I'm in pain, Your death, Hitting me like a bullet to the brain. I can feel tragedy, Flying around me, Like a haywire freight train. Suicide, Seemed to have been the answer. Micheal, I am not religious, But you will be a glorious angel.

19

The air is intoxicating, And malodorous. I feel it suffocating me, It saddens me. Makes me feel nothing, But nothing is a feeling so complex, Because nothing is something, And something is not nothing. I can feel the air, Tightening around me like a fist fighting death. I can feel I---- Nothing.

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Jan 24, 2015

Jan 24, 2015 at 6:19 PM UTC

I Can Feel Nothing.

The air is intoxicating, And malodorous. I feel it suffocating me, It saddens me. Makes me feel nothing, But nothing is a feeling so complex, Because nothing is something, And something is not nothing. I can feel the air, Tightening around me like a fist fighting death. I can feel I---- Nothing.

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