Chasing the storm will eventually lead to your own annihilation, even having the best times of your lives, there is no such happy redemption waiting, it is just mere human existence making the effort to make it worthwhile and the fight to overcome inadequacy, a never ending tunnel that consumes the very motive called purpose only to perpetuate an endless cycle of comfortable suffering, contemplating the fact, what is the origin of this suffering which is elusive, perhaps absurdism itself collapses under the weight of its own claim. The internal turmoil that you have to overcome every night is like cramming every thought that is not possible while nincompoops instruct you with their diatribes, guarding their precious opinions as if they were truths. Pain grows nuanced, almost merciful. No one truly cares what you care about, and that indifference feels fundamentally incomplete. As my lord says in Ecclesiastes 1:14 “I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.” why worry so much all for the cost to find your purpose, Memento mori brother, there is nothing to perceive beyond death. O’Connor and dostoevsky stood perilously close to nihilism tempted by it, saturated in it yet discovered inexhaustible meaning in Christ, i remain incapable of that leap, i struggle to have faith in religion as the logical side of me rejects it entirely and yet this feels different (cannot anesthetize longing). when buried emotions surface night after night and the mind buckles while agonizing and all you find is a coping mechanism for the temporary contentment disguised as relief, pain is not even a feeling anymore but the cost of clarity for the emptiness i thought i had escaped and maybe this struggle itself is the quiet confession despite the reminder of death, the voices dont argue because there is nothing at stake they argue because something unresolved refuses to die. If all were truly vanity, the ache would be silent. Instead, it persists less a demand for answers than a refusal to accept that emptiness is the final truth.
Dec 13, 2025
Dec 13, 2025 at 2:54 AM UTC
oh i wonder, will you be still here, after i'm gone?
oh i wonder, might someone else hear the melody the way i did?
reminiscing all the beautiful lines,
the lines that rooted deep inside me;
the love i felt listening to you
oh i wonder, will someone ever feel the same?
life recommended you too late to save,
yet you remain, the song i never unliked
oh i wonder, could any new song ever take your place,
or am i just playing you on loop?
forever a song i keep in silence, my sesame syrup
10/09/2025
Sep 19, 2025
Sep 19, 2025 at 5:50 PM UTC
the dual edge of beauty,
and maybe my last ascent
Annapurna, your surreal panoramas
ice walls glowing gold at sunrise,
clouds swirling like a restless sea,
your unmatched spiritual aura,
it whispers of all who never returned.
A dream that weighs enough
to pull me to your summit, before I die.
with your magnificent crevasses,
your love that cuts like frostbites
many gave their final breath
so will I, If i fail to.
-23/08/2025
Aug 23, 2025
Aug 23, 2025 at 3:25 AM UTC
my lovely one,
so my dandelion
always swaying to the rhythm of wind
so delicate, yet holding yourself whole
hard love, gentle touch, still you slip away
you were meant to be adored from a distance
oh my dandelion, how mystical you are
you were made for wild skies
born to be held,
but too fragile for the ghost of touch
from early spring’s bloom to the hush of your final stage
your tiny little floating parachutes, too tired to chase
i have no vase for something like you
my lovely dandelion, fading into the years…
-7/08/2025
Aug 7, 2025
Aug 7, 2025 at 5:24 AM UTC
-Chapter (turned eulogy)
This new chapter we started together,
A chapter that never truly ends
A chapter etched with silent battles
A chapter that dances between light and shadow
And a chapter built on patience, bound by promises
Chapters may fade with time, but not this one. Not ours
A chapter where each day carved a memory
A chapter in our little lives sealed with love
A chapter that holds our art within, imperfect yet beautiful
A chapter I’ll carry beneath our final silence
“The chapter“ that closes our book of life together.
-20/06/2025
Jul 20, 2025
Jul 20, 2025 at 6:53 AM UTC
The beauty of creation can be seen in the beauty of Sea, they say. But looking at the dark depths is a reflection of how I feel, I would say. Being the shore, letting people and pain wash over me as waves, knowing all along they’ll eventually slide away. There is beauty in loss, just as there is beauty in love. Filled with the pain of left out only to welcome another wave just to feel the same way again. Maybe being the shore is to never experience the complete love of waves. The shells, those temporary shells, those delicate little forevers, stay with me for a while. Maybe being the shore taking in these delicate shells hoping they might stay, only to feel the quiet hurt of watching them slide back into the sea called memories. Waves retreat, shells slide away, Maybe being the shore is taking in every little wave and fragile shell only to remind myself that nothing could ever fill the void within, nothing ever stays.
-9/07/2025
Jul 15, 2025
Jul 15, 2025 at 12:03 AM UTC
And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
Jul 14, 2025
Jul 14, 2025 at 11:25 PM UTC
I’d be with you, It’d be you
standing in the amber glow of night
fallen stars turned into streetlamps,
still aching to shine
yeah they look like stars to me,
deep soft wind tugging at your hair
phones in our pockets, buzzing with nothing
I’d pity myself… if the delusion hadnt felt like hope
me standing under a dim streetlamp alone
watching the fallen stars all alone
I’d heal, I’d fade
"Dreaming of You", quietly replayed
-8/11/2024
Jul 14, 2025
Jul 14, 2025 at 11:35 AM UTC
What if it works out?
What if I prove myself wrong?,
and the promises i made with you
end up being the ones that last forever?
What if this path isn’t a wander, but a return?
What if there is other side to the coin
held the truth I never got?
What if I return, only to find I don’t belong?
What if the promises i made
were only there to make me feel lost?
What if these “What if’s” I carry
are the one’s I finally leave behind?
-19/04/2025
Jul 14, 2025
Jul 14, 2025 at 11:32 AM UTC
we meet in the near future,
just like the good old days
sharing every little thing that still matters
like galaxies drawn to each other in the dark
I miss you like Pluto misses being called a planet
a little left out, but still orbiting, still here
for that one quiet moment
we get to do it all again, the way we were,
but this time, with everything we’ve learned
with all the hope I never stopped carrying
...
But not all stars collide again
Some just pass, pretending they never remembered
Jul 14, 2025
Jul 14, 2025 at 11:28 AM UTC