Night after night tears would fill my eyes
Hatred would consume my mind with all their lies
My body was my personal battle ground
Full of open flesh releasing blood
My own proof that I was still alive
Every day was a struggle for life or death
Alone I thought i was
I carved it on my arm
No one could break the walls
That I surrounded myself with
I never let anyone in
For fear that they would leave
I lost my mind once
A few years ago
And hope and faith, all that was good
All it took was one day....
One face.
Orange, curly hair and blue eyes
The way your face lit up when you saw me
It's funny the way things work out
My childhood best friend
How I've missed your gentle touch
It's been 14 years since we've talked
And all it took was one smile to find me
A girl who has been lost for far too long <3
Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 7:06 PM UTC
You wrap me in your arms much like a father
I feel safe, like mine never made me feel
You were never perfect, but you tried, never once calling me a bother
The hurt he embraced on me, you tried so hard to heal
What were once deep and open wounds, are now only scars
The impact is still there, reminding me of the pain but it no longer stings
I used to believe in nothing, but now in shooting stars
You took me in as your own, let me discover my own wings
You helped me find my way, became my father, you were always more than just a teacher
Summer came way too soon, and I had to fly away from the one love I knew was true
I love you always, as you do me, this goodbye has brought tears and blur
Remember I'll never stray too far, for I know my heart will always bring me back to you.
Dad.
Aug 26, 2014
Aug 26, 2014 at 12:11 AM UTC
Dear Lord,
Only you can see how I suffer
Tonight I pray you'll watch over my brother
When he is weak please keep him in your hand
Give him the strength he needs to protect this land
Be his light when he needs guidance
Please keep me strong when I can't stand the distance
It's a pain that I always am burdened to mask
I know it's selfish, but Lord I ask
There are so many others also willing to fight
Lord, please bring my brother home tonight
Aug 25, 2014
Aug 25, 2014 at 11:50 PM UTC
My virginity was stolen from me at the age of fifteen
No longer innocent, just impure and unclean
A few years later, thinking I was in love
I fell easily into him, believing he was the one
Giving him all of me, all the little pieces
Opening up and sharing all my secrets
But I was abandoned once again
Leaving me more broken in the end
Countless nights trying to drink the pain away
What's wrong with me? No one seems to stay
No future anymore, no goals or happy life plans
Just being used and so many one night stands
Vulnerable to anyone who shows me any interest
I please them and then they make themselves so distant
Every night I know I'm being used and then forgotten
But I keep failing myself, falling for lies then feeling rotten
I'm trapped in my past and the ship continues to sail
I want to land on the ground and break free, but all my efforts fail
But still I refuse to give up shining hope
I'm choosing to leave my past and escape this sorrowful slope
This story is one I used to fear to share
But my past no longer defines me for one day it will end a fairytale
.
...
Aug 15, 2014
Aug 15, 2014 at 1:21 PM UTC
Once again feeling lost and so alone
Time has passed and I thought I had only grown
I can't escape the past that seems to haunt my soul
I can't find a better half that completes me and makes me whole
It's just me, myself and I, trying to make it in a cold world
People looking down on me thinking I'm just an ignorant little girl
Everyone so judgmental because of all the lies you told
This feeling of being worthless I can't shake off and it's getting old
Let's make it clear I didn't steal from you, that's not how I spend my time
I simply just took back what was already mine
So stomp on me and try to dispose of the person I am inside
It's only going to make me ignite my flame and I'm going to shine
Bring light to the evil coldness of your frozen heart
Keep trying, I'm binding myself and all the pieces because I won't stay torn apart
I can fix myself and the damage you've done within
I'm a fighter and I'll keep on fighting because I know I have to win
I need to be myself, all of the beauty and darkness that I am will stay til there til the end
I'm in the world to make my mark and I can do without a friend
In pieces now but with just myself, the only one I trust I can handle the reconstruction
For I am not a daughter a sister a niece or a cousin, I'm simply the product of reproduction
Feb 5, 2014
Feb 5, 2014 at 9:41 PM UTC
Most kids are excited to turn 21 to drink and go to the bar. Not me, I can do that now. I’m excited to be old enough to foster a child. That’s gonna be truly amazing I think. I really can’t stand this house. I’ve always been trapped in it. The doors are unlocked, but still I’m trapped. I feel as if I can’t escape. It’s always one thing after another. My mom just blocked my phone 11-6 again. What the hell is that gonna do? I’m gonna be 18 in a month. They think I’m gonna wake up one day and forgive them and think that they were always right. But it’s never gonna happen. I was raised to be both racist and homophobic, and to their disappointment, I will never be either. Someday I may regret my gauges, who knows? But right now I love them. I think the only things I will truly ever regret are the things that caused me heartache. Not just stupid physical observations. And yeah I’m immature. “You can’t be young forever, but you can be immature forever”. My parents will never understand me. All they will ever see in me is what they dislike. My hair color. My dark clothing. My multiple ear piercings. My “immaturity”. My bad grades, my foul language. But the truth is, none of these things are really flaws in myself. They’re all part of what makes me, me. I’m beautiful and there’s no one else like me. And to be honest I don’t really care if I can’t text after 11. I don’t care if I can’t look at **** on my computer (not that I would if I could) because it’s blocked. It’s all about the power. They say they can’t stand the Obama family because they make stupid laws about things we should be able to decide for ourselves. But do they even realize that’s what they do to me? Life for real, on school nights I’m rarely up past 10 anyways. It’s pathetic really, how much control they crave to reign over me. I can’t be controlled. I’ve always been a free spirit. I don’t go with the crowd and I don’t care what people think of me. I can take care of myself. No one knows what’s best for me but me. They think the things I do are dangerous, but they’re not. And so what if they were? It’s not like I wanna live a fragile life anyways. I wanna get crazy and wild. Act dumb every once in a while. I wanna be free, I wanna feel alive! I wanna make up silly things and tell pointless lies to giggle about later. I wanna laugh, and I wanna break the rules. I will never conform. I will never be what anyone wants me to be. And I love it. I have one life and I don’t wanna live it how anybody else did. I wanna be remembered. I wanna leave my crazy mark on the world. This life is my only chance to be stupid and silly. And I’m not gonna give that up because my parents (or anyone for that matter) want me to always make the right decisions. I have so much to offer the world and if they can’t look beyond what they don’t like, then so what? That doesn’t make me a disappointment. It doesn’t make me any less beautiful. Their opinions don’t define me. So what if they toss me out~ that doesn’t make me disposable. It just makes them sad and pathetic for not realizing that I truly am a princess. I’m a pop princess. I’m a punk princess. I’m a rock princess. I am the princess of Christ. Shame on them for being embarrassed of me. We’re all made in Christ’s image, and the fact that they’re embarrassed of me, well I think that makes them embarrassed of Christ himself…(jokes, well kinda). So what if they don’t want me around certain family members because they don’t want them to see what a failure I am. But that makes them the failure, not me. I’m the most beautiful person ill ever meet on the inside and out because that’s what I choose to be. Beauty doesn’t just strike people at random, you choose it.
Jan 28, 2014
Jan 28, 2014 at 1:20 AM UTC
It's Friday night she's getting high
Can't reach her dreams somewhere in the sky
Saturday night and she's to drunk to drive
But she does it anyways, she needs to feel alive
Sunday night and the world does cry
Another loss to suicide
Jan 27, 2014
Jan 27, 2014 at 12:53 PM UTC
every one is so jolly with their spirits bright
except for me, crying myself to sleep each night
youre the only thing i wanted this year
I get more and more upset as christmas is near
the first without you, but not the last
I just wanted to go back to years past
december 21st and im crying alone
its been nearly a year since youve been home
its midnight and my Christmas list isnt full of things
its midnight and the doorbell rings
I open the door the and theres no pizza here
I open the door and I got my wish this year
strong, proud and dressed in green
youll always be my favorite marine
Dec 26, 2013
Dec 26, 2013 at 2:45 PM UTC
im realizing youre trying to make up for the future years
so i try to enjoy the moment and ignore the tears
but all I can think about is the lost time
struggling to stay strong, I pretend to be fine
but what am I supposed to do?
I can't get used to being with you
the deployments are driving me insane
saying goodbye for 2 years thrives my heart with pain
thinking of all things that you'll miss
my prom, my graduation, and my birthday wish
wont even be able to bring you home
ill be getting older all alone
time will go on though you're not here
you'll be brave while I live in fear
Dec 26, 2013
Dec 26, 2013 at 2:44 PM UTC
My heart still belongs with you
And my mind says this can't be true
Together til the end we said
Forever you were supposed to be my friend
For 2 years I thought the system did us wrong
For 2 years way to long
My brother, my friend, my hero and my protection
In a broken home you were my perfection
You saved me from myself, the demon I am within
But only to destroy me, I guess I didn't win
Forgotten and abandoned, you own my ability to trust
Long nights full of tears and regret of lust
I want to run to you and still I almost do
I need you more than you think, if you only knew
I know you think it's best for me
But I'm crying on the floor, can't you see?
I'm missing my knives more and more, but I know I've come to far
All alone here I am I'm staring at my scars
I need to feel my blades again
Because in the end they were my only friend
Dec 17, 2013
Dec 17, 2013 at 1:55 AM UTC