I think of you often
More often than I’d like to admit
The ifs and whys and hows of our-
Of our what?
We never really settled on the what
When I talk about you now you are just a code name, a pseudonym, a patient number
I deliver my friends countless never ending monologues about you
And although I never mention your name–the real one not the number–they know exactly who you are
And although I giggle at the nickname we chose for you
It only exists because I feel strange saying your actual one
Saying it would suggest I knew you
It would suggest that I was familiar with you
That at some point we surpassed being strangers
More importantly, it would remind me that even though I know the intimate details of your body, we are now estranged, again
Your once familiar name, now just stares at me in confusion, asking
”Who are you?”
I can’t answer
I can’t tell you who I am to you because the what was never established
We never made it that far
After two months I’d known you for two years
And after two years I’ve only known you for two months
It’s pathetic the way I mourn you
Disproportionate truly
But with these anonymous words, I can confess
I hope you feel the same
I hope my name makes you feel empty inside
Because saying it feels forbidden somehow
Like you can’t just call a stranger by their name
Maybe this would be the perfect time to say “right person wrong time”
And maybe I hope one day we’ll get the timing right
So I use these vague adverbs to avoid confessing that I wish our story gets a sequel
But
I don’t want to be stuck in a loop of Instagram stalking and internet searches
So I’m going to start saying your name
Because I need it to feel strange
And I need us to be strangers, again
Apr 21, 2025
Apr 21, 2025 at 7:33 PM UTC
I mourn what we could have been, what we will never be, and what I wish you’d never ruin.
Jan 1, 2025
Jan 1, 2025 at 8:05 PM UTC
these sentences are not full of love, or longing
all i have is heartache
and ear numbing cries
and oceans worth of tears
so i’ll put them into words
words i know you will never read
but words that will always comfort me
you ripped my heart out, robbed me of it
and how am i supposed to go on living
when no one’s pumping my blood for me
and how am i supposed to feel love
when the very person
that embodied my love
is no more
not for me
you are no longer
for me
by me
with me
so this is not a love poem
because you stole that four lettered word from me
this is, just, a poem
Dec 30, 2022
Dec 30, 2022 at 8:04 PM UTC
I thought i had grown older
Wiser
But when you entered my life again
Unexpectedly
I realized I wasn’t done growing
Healing
I would run back to you in a split second
Undoubtedly
Self respect thrown out the window
Instantly
Still knowing I’m just being fooled again
Unfortunately
Oct 21, 2022
Oct 21, 2022 at 7:55 PM UTC
do I simply
accept
my current state?
or can I go back
back to the old me
but maybe,
the old me is just that-
old
outdated
perhaps,
there’s a new me
one that I shall find
whatever I will become,
I don’t want it to be
this
and that’s enough motivation
to not give up
Dec 7, 2020
Dec 7, 2020 at 6:43 PM UTC
snow will fall,
rain will pour,
seconds will be counted
and time won't stop
for you
or me
but since you left, I have frozen.
all things go, but my heart.
Nov 28, 2020
Nov 28, 2020 at 9:31 PM UTC
I wanted to ask,
ask how you were doing today.
Because I felt you were having a hard time,
a hard time living.
But I was too much of a coward to ask,
ask how you were doing today.
Maybe tomorrow I will ask,
ask how you are doing that day.
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019 at 5:58 PM UTC
I really am
Sick and tired
Of you
I really am
Sick and tired
Of holding on
I really am
Sick and tired
Of not moving on
I really am
Ready for
Something new
Aug 30, 2019
Aug 30, 2019 at 4:17 PM UTC
Du var som gruset
På en trottoar i december
Därför
Ville jag ha dig
För jag trodde det var du
Som hjälpte mig stå när gatan var hal
Men jag glömde tacka mina egna ben
Som hjälpte mig upp
Varje gång du misslyckades skydda mig
Från vinterns alla brutala fall
Men nu är våren här
Och jag ser dig inte
Men jag är inte ledsen
För jag vet
Att bland alla betydelselösa gruskorn
Finns någon som kommer pryda min trädgård
Och inte bara vara gruset på en trottoar
Apr 30, 2019
Apr 30, 2019 at 6:38 PM UTC
I saw you again today
And it felt like I had my heart broken all over again
Our eyes met
And I wished that moment would have lasted another second
We walked past each other like strangers
And it reminded me of our summer together
You were with another girl
And for some reason I was happy for you
I saw you again today
And it felt like I was moving on finally
Mar 13, 2019
Mar 13, 2019 at 12:18 PM UTC