moonshine - Hello Poetry

Where the hell have I been Gone or hiding I wont feel bad But i wont shine through I wont do much for you When im in the hallway im gone Im invisible, a bad painting, wrong song I havent loved myself ever before I wouldnt buy self love if it was sold in a store I wont message you twice, but three or four times I wont feel a satisfying flower in my void You wont bloom or save my world Even if you couldnt id say no Im happy here in misery, the same as before So shut me down cause its all my fault Stop it before i spell it out Nothings held together, itll slip out like a card On the top of the kings, on the top of my scars If the world was ending id find a hope, light a joint and cut the rope Would i feel happy like a mocah on a winters day Like a fireplace in a study space Like leaving here without a trace

0

Nov 21, 2016

Nov 21, 2016 at 2:40 AM UTC

moonshine

Untitled

Where the hell have I been Gone or hiding I wont feel bad But i wont shine through I wont do much for you When im in the hallway im gone Im invisible, a bad painting, wrong song I havent loved myself ever before I wouldnt buy self love if it was sold in a store I wont message you twice, but three or four times I wont feel a satisfying flower in my void You wont bloom or save my world Even if you couldnt id say no Im happy here in misery, the same as before So shut me down cause its all my fault Stop it before i spell it out Nothings held together, itll slip out like a card On the top of the kings, on the top of my scars If the world was ending id find a hope, light a joint and cut the rope Would i feel happy like a mocah on a winters day Like a fireplace in a study space Like leaving here without a trace

22

Once there was a man His heart was three sizes too small He tried to do anything he can To succeed and not fall His home was big It smelled like rotten food It was littered with cigs And a melancholy mood When he slept on his mattress his back was in pain He was always rushing, yet somehow always late The conversations between his friends were more like a game He always said he'd have a big house, more degrees and a family, that was his fate One morning, he watched the news without thought When he got to work him and half of his friends were let go He had a life planned out, and this was not in the plot He lost his house, his phone, no one stopped him from being caught out in the snow Now he was by himself for the first time in forever No t.v., no facebook, no office sounds Buy in this silence found his city looked better He never noticed the birds in the trees, the men and women on the train or how life abounds One day, a man asked him to take his sweater He said no one should be left cold He said I'll take you home but you've seen better The bank took my house and now it's sold So he spent the night at the shelter, no one looked at their phones And it didn't matter because the air was filled with laughter, songs and love He had never had less, he had never felt less alone And from this wholesomeness he rised above With the help of strangers he stopped having to beg But he never stopped giving, not for a day He knew so much, he could keep all his little earnings for himself instead He said I can't keep what I have without giving it away

0

Nov 27, 2015

Nov 27, 2015 at 11:56 PM UTC

moonshine

Beg

Once there was a man His heart was three sizes too small He tried to do anything he can To succeed and not fall His home was big It smelled like rotten food It was littered with cigs And a melancholy mood When he slept on his mattress his back was in pain He was always rushing, yet somehow always late The conversations between his friends were more like a game He always said he'd have a big house, more degrees and a family, that was his fate One morning, he watched the news without thought When he got to work him and half of his friends were let go He had a life planned out, and this was not in the plot He lost his house, his phone, no one stopped him from being caught out in the snow Now he was by himself for the first time in forever No t.v., no facebook, no office sounds Buy in this silence found his city looked better He never noticed the birds in the trees, the men and women on the train or how life abounds One day, a man asked him to take his sweater He said no one should be left cold He said I'll take you home but you've seen better The bank took my house and now it's sold So he spent the night at the shelter, no one looked at their phones And it didn't matter because the air was filled with laughter, songs and love He had never had less, he had never felt less alone And from this wholesomeness he rised above With the help of strangers he stopped having to beg But he never stopped giving, not for a day He knew so much, he could keep all his little earnings for himself instead He said I can't keep what I have without giving it away

32

Sometimes instead of pale faces all I can see are ghosts Hunched over asking not to feed them Crawling steadily toward oblivion Someone asked me if I wanted to die I said If that means living without having to lie, if it means laying with my brother and sister in the dirt Because I feel as though I'd be better suited as a tree, or something that won't get hurt Something that can't hear the pain in a voice that screams, something that's more sturdy, that seems to always know what it means When my mom left me I didn't do anything but look out a window expecting her to return I guess I do the same thing for you now, like waiting for a mailman or a storm you'd seen predicted on your television set That terrible feeling a child gets waiting for his mac and cheese to boil, chomping at the bit You can't really define a feeling like so, you can only capture for yourself and hope to god he'll let it go Release you like the sins you've committed, if they're ever released As if there's anything more than cells in a delicate system that nature spun out Who could listen to all the voices in pain before they go to bed and eat, asking to be granted with health or to feel less hunger underneath All your thoughts are actually ghosts, like you dissolving at they run their course, not touching anything thats real, anything with substance that you can feel And in that blankness don't ask to be heard, don't waste a word

0

Nov 23, 2015

Nov 23, 2015 at 2:36 PM UTC

moonshine

one chance

Sometimes instead of pale faces all I can see are ghosts Hunched over asking not to feed them Crawling steadily toward oblivion Someone asked me if I wanted to die I said If that means living without having to lie, if it means laying with my brother and sister in the dirt Because I feel as though I'd be better suited as a tree, or something that won't get hurt Something that can't hear the pain in a voice that screams, something that's more sturdy, that seems to always know what it means When my mom left me I didn't do anything but look out a window expecting her to return I guess I do the same thing for you now, like waiting for a mailman or a storm you'd seen predicted on your television set That terrible feeling a child gets waiting for his mac and cheese to boil, chomping at the bit You can't really define a feeling like so, you can only capture for yourself and hope to god he'll let it go Release you like the sins you've committed, if they're ever released As if there's anything more than cells in a delicate system that nature spun out Who could listen to all the voices in pain before they go to bed and eat, asking to be granted with health or to feel less hunger underneath All your thoughts are actually ghosts, like you dissolving at they run their course, not touching anything thats real, anything with substance that you can feel And in that blankness don't ask to be heard, don't waste a word

16

All that was there was an inky black landscape, accompanied by ice which stung my hallowed face It was hours I spent walking through dangerous streets and cars threatening to slide enough to carry my wretched soul with them Every bridge I passed my body aching to join the liquid icy hell below me Because I'd been taught for too long how to be lonely They told me you were just as cold and menacing as snow Lying down with perfect white skin And I wonder who exactly it was who taught you to shut down cities without considering who might be left outside Sometimes I wonder if anything you say is true, if I'm not another poor soul with drugs for you to go through You could rip through walls with your lies and mountains and me Here I am staring at a numb screen wondering if I should try to fight to save you Or if I should leave while I can still trudge through the damage you string me through Because I can't watch a girl so young and poor be bruised and abandoned and treated like meat by boys who only provide her with bottles and drugs to heal the exit wounds You say that you don't need me or anyone else until it's late at night and you realize someone's actually hurt you Maybe that's when you take it upon yourself to complete a trend, to harshly slice my stomach open with your dull blade, reach through my organs until your find my heart beating lively in it's cage You pin it to a canvas, in line with your own, beating with others you turned into stone

0

Nov 23, 2015

Nov 23, 2015 at 10:20 AM UTC

moonshine

canvas

All that was there was an inky black landscape, accompanied by ice which stung my hallowed face It was hours I spent walking through dangerous streets and cars threatening to slide enough to carry my wretched soul with them Every bridge I passed my body aching to join the liquid icy hell below me Because I'd been taught for too long how to be lonely They told me you were just as cold and menacing as snow Lying down with perfect white skin And I wonder who exactly it was who taught you to shut down cities without considering who might be left outside Sometimes I wonder if anything you say is true, if I'm not another poor soul with drugs for you to go through You could rip through walls with your lies and mountains and me Here I am staring at a numb screen wondering if I should try to fight to save you Or if I should leave while I can still trudge through the damage you string me through Because I can't watch a girl so young and poor be bruised and abandoned and treated like meat by boys who only provide her with bottles and drugs to heal the exit wounds You say that you don't need me or anyone else until it's late at night and you realize someone's actually hurt you Maybe that's when you take it upon yourself to complete a trend, to harshly slice my stomach open with your dull blade, reach through my organs until your find my heart beating lively in it's cage You pin it to a canvas, in line with your own, beating with others you turned into stone

15

I'm sorry, the number you're trying to reach isn't available, please hang up and try again or leave a message after the beep. Beep. Hi. It's me again. I know you probably don't want to hear from me, because that's what you keep telling everyone and you won't pick up the god **** phone. I just need someone to talk to, you know. I never realized how I didn't have anyone to talk to until you left. I've been crying for three hours straight and god I can't breath. I still love you. I wish that I could lay my head on your chest and you could rub my back and tell me everything's gonna be okay. I wish I was still your baby girl. I can't explain how much this hurts, how much living hurts everyday when I don't hear your voice, and I just wanna tell you that... Are you still there? If you are satisfied with your message press one now, if you would like to replay your message press two, if you would like to re-cord your message press three, if you would like to add to your message press four. Beep Hey it's me, just call me when you get the chance.

0

Aug 31, 2015

Aug 31, 2015 at 12:55 AM UTC

moonshine

Phone message

I'm sorry, the number you're trying to reach isn't available, please hang up and try again or leave a message after the beep. Beep. Hi. It's me again. I know you probably don't want to hear from me, because that's what you keep telling everyone and you won't pick up the god **** phone. I just need someone to talk to, you know. I never realized how I didn't have anyone to talk to until you left. I've been crying for three hours straight and god I can't breath. I still love you. I wish that I could lay my head on your chest and you could rub my back and tell me everything's gonna be okay. I wish I was still your baby girl. I can't explain how much this hurts, how much living hurts everyday when I don't hear your voice, and I just wanna tell you that... Are you still there? If you are satisfied with your message press one now, if you would like to replay your message press two, if you would like to re-cord your message press three, if you would like to add to your message press four. Beep Hey it's me, just call me when you get the chance.

6

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I like to take a walk by the river I let the snowflakes fall on my eyelashes and drip down my face I like to warm my hands with coffee mugs and pretend like they're being held in a lovers Sometimes I like to sit on benches and watch the people walk bye I like to listen in on their lives and sometimes it makes me feel less lonely Sometimes I bring the last of a loaf of bread and let the birds eat from my hands and it makes me happy because I know I've made another being happy Sometimes I talk to the strangers I meet on the streets, I hear their stories and I learn something new, sometimes they make me very sad Sometimes I don't speak, but instead listen to what the world's trying to say Sometimes I walk in the woods during the summer, I leave my shoes off and climb the trees Sometimes I'm overwhelmed at the way the light filters through the leaves and the sparkle of running water Sometimes I think it's so beautiful I would love to cry Sometimes I don't paint my face or fix my hair and somehow it makes me feel whole again Sometimes I decide to bake cakes or cook dinners and I'm content just eating them alone Sometimes when I'm with my baby I tell myself to record us in my mind Sometimes years later when I get lonely I go through them and think Sometimes after I read books everything seems like a story and magical in a way, then somehow it fades Sometimes I make my bed just so I can feel perfect laying in clean sheets after a shower Sometimes I like carrying around my backpack just to find thongs to carry in it Sometimes I shop for records in the bookstore downtown, and there isn't a book nor movie nor music I've heard of Sometimes it scares me how little of thsee things I know and how tiny I am Sometimes I look up at the stars and wish I could read them, the ancient stories they told Sometimes I feel like I'm outside of my body and I wonder if that's what it's likeep to die

0

Aug 13, 2015

Aug 13, 2015 at 11:38 PM UTC

moonshine

Sometimes

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I like to take a walk by the river I let the snowflakes fall on my eyelashes and drip down my face I like to warm my hands with coffee mugs and pretend like they're being held in a lovers Sometimes I like to sit on benches and watch the people walk bye I like to listen in on their lives and sometimes it makes me feel less lonely Sometimes I bring the last of a loaf of bread and let the birds eat from my hands and it makes me happy because I know I've made another being happy Sometimes I talk to the strangers I meet on the streets, I hear their stories and I learn something new, sometimes they make me very sad Sometimes I don't speak, but instead listen to what the world's trying to say Sometimes I walk in the woods during the summer, I leave my shoes off and climb the trees Sometimes I'm overwhelmed at the way the light filters through the leaves and the sparkle of running water Sometimes I think it's so beautiful I would love to cry Sometimes I don't paint my face or fix my hair and somehow it makes me feel whole again Sometimes I decide to bake cakes or cook dinners and I'm content just eating them alone Sometimes when I'm with my baby I tell myself to record us in my mind Sometimes years later when I get lonely I go through them and think Sometimes after I read books everything seems like a story and magical in a way, then somehow it fades Sometimes I make my bed just so I can feel perfect laying in clean sheets after a shower Sometimes I like carrying around my backpack just to find thongs to carry in it Sometimes I shop for records in the bookstore downtown, and there isn't a book nor movie nor music I've heard of Sometimes it scares me how little of thsee things I know and how tiny I am Sometimes I look up at the stars and wish I could read them, the ancient stories they told Sometimes I feel like I'm outside of my body and I wonder if that's what it's likeep to die

22

I still think back to the loneliest day of my life A few weeks after we broke up when you screamed at me on the phone and I said I missed your voice so ******* much And when I called back you said you'd never wanna talk to me I was sitting in the shut down resturaunt by the lake, the one we tried to break into and smoked joints wrapped with gum paper And I said I can't do this anymore, but please stay on the phone Because no one needs to die alone And I figured if I downed two bottles right there that I'd make it home in time to lay in bed I made it home but instead of falling asleep I threw up blood and vile for fourty eight hours And you never picked up the god **** phone When I finally went back to school I purposefully failed my science final and the teacher called me into the office He said I know you're not stupid but are you okay? And on the way out I heard the girl you spent valentine's day instead talk about how beautiful you looked that night When I was convulsing in my own ***** I ran to the bathroom with tears falling three days late on my shallow face I crawled up in a ball until someone knocked and said are you okay There's no use in lying, I responded I was feeling quite well And you never ******* said you were sorry for doing this to me You said it was a lot of ******* and you couldn't understand what I said when you hung up on me But I know, I know, oh god I know you could

0

Aug 9, 2015

Aug 9, 2015 at 4:11 PM UTC

moonshine

Untitled

I still think back to the loneliest day of my life A few weeks after we broke up when you screamed at me on the phone and I said I missed your voice so ******* much And when I called back you said you'd never wanna talk to me I was sitting in the shut down resturaunt by the lake, the one we tried to break into and smoked joints wrapped with gum paper And I said I can't do this anymore, but please stay on the phone Because no one needs to die alone And I figured if I downed two bottles right there that I'd make it home in time to lay in bed I made it home but instead of falling asleep I threw up blood and vile for fourty eight hours And you never picked up the god **** phone When I finally went back to school I purposefully failed my science final and the teacher called me into the office He said I know you're not stupid but are you okay? And on the way out I heard the girl you spent valentine's day instead talk about how beautiful you looked that night When I was convulsing in my own ***** I ran to the bathroom with tears falling three days late on my shallow face I crawled up in a ball until someone knocked and said are you okay There's no use in lying, I responded I was feeling quite well And you never ******* said you were sorry for doing this to me You said it was a lot of ******* and you couldn't understand what I said when you hung up on me But I know, I know, oh god I know you could

19

It began in a hospital room They screamed at me through the darkness Do you want to live or die? I said I wanted to live but the light I saw ahead seemed to beacon me with it's peacefulness And I can hear my mother crying on the phone "is she going to make it? do they know?" But I went home that morning The deafening silence in the car The thoughts in my head screaming "holy **** holy **** holy **** They'll really hate me now And in my school I felt the stares that whispered softly Don't come here, not again But baby we both got blood on our sleeves The only difference is what we believe Because I've been reduced to a cage Pulling and pushing my emotions to other corners of my mind Way too far for me to find them And we both know that's why I died, and we both know that's how you lived If I cry will they think I'm weird? If I scream will they think I'm crazy? But god, But god can you hear me now? I'm screaming to you now Show me a sign or let me go Because I didn't see you when I was flat lining on a pillow And I don't understand why you let him leave God, God. God, I couldn't ******* breathe! And it seems as though you decided to leave! Or did you forget you left me here? Like my mom when I was thirteen And I begged you both not to go Because I need guidance, and I need someone to talk to at night I need someone to pat my back and say I've done alright I need someone to put the meaning in my life! Or am I just here to fill a space, to reproduce and then be replaced? When I really think back, back to when I died It wouldn't have made much difference Because everyone drive away from a funeral Oh my god, oh my god, just make someone stay!

0

Aug 8, 2015

Aug 8, 2015 at 3:17 PM UTC

moonshine

When I Died Last October

It began in a hospital room They screamed at me through the darkness Do you want to live or die? I said I wanted to live but the light I saw ahead seemed to beacon me with it's peacefulness And I can hear my mother crying on the phone "is she going to make it? do they know?" But I went home that morning The deafening silence in the car The thoughts in my head screaming "holy **** holy **** holy **** They'll really hate me now And in my school I felt the stares that whispered softly Don't come here, not again But baby we both got blood on our sleeves The only difference is what we believe Because I've been reduced to a cage Pulling and pushing my emotions to other corners of my mind Way too far for me to find them And we both know that's why I died, and we both know that's how you lived If I cry will they think I'm weird? If I scream will they think I'm crazy? But god, But god can you hear me now? I'm screaming to you now Show me a sign or let me go Because I didn't see you when I was flat lining on a pillow And I don't understand why you let him leave God, God. God, I couldn't ******* breathe! And it seems as though you decided to leave! Or did you forget you left me here? Like my mom when I was thirteen And I begged you both not to go Because I need guidance, and I need someone to talk to at night I need someone to pat my back and say I've done alright I need someone to put the meaning in my life! Or am I just here to fill a space, to reproduce and then be replaced? When I really think back, back to when I died It wouldn't have made much difference Because everyone drive away from a funeral Oh my god, oh my god, just make someone stay!

37

Tattered wooden beams seemed likely to break underneath my footsteps Tobacco burned a hole in my cheek I soothed with the diet pepsi we'd stolen as well Nice views look prettier from where you love Soft ridged lips along the horizon The air stood frozen along his shaking chest where I lay my head now Waterfalls lulling me to half sleep, warm with the touch of another being As you whisper your lips tickle my hair "I don't have friends. I have drugs. And I have you." Keeping to your word was the sketchbook that seemed tormented with schizophrenia, melted wax outlining the broken words "I hate drugs, actually, but you should let me hit that" I never thought I could breath out of a light bulb The concept was much too ironic for me It wasn't even concern until I heard a little voice telling me to stop smelling like her daddy And the water I used to wash down my medicine poured down my face The faded recorded seeming to keep time with it "I want to live where soul meets body" Then it all gets too bright and I can't walk to your car I didn't think I could speak but my thoughts were out loud And I asked myself if this is what drugs feel like Is this what love feels like

0

Aug 7, 2015

Aug 7, 2015 at 10:59 PM UTC

moonshine

untitled

Tattered wooden beams seemed likely to break underneath my footsteps Tobacco burned a hole in my cheek I soothed with the diet pepsi we'd stolen as well Nice views look prettier from where you love Soft ridged lips along the horizon The air stood frozen along his shaking chest where I lay my head now Waterfalls lulling me to half sleep, warm with the touch of another being As you whisper your lips tickle my hair "I don't have friends. I have drugs. And I have you." Keeping to your word was the sketchbook that seemed tormented with schizophrenia, melted wax outlining the broken words "I hate drugs, actually, but you should let me hit that" I never thought I could breath out of a light bulb The concept was much too ironic for me It wasn't even concern until I heard a little voice telling me to stop smelling like her daddy And the water I used to wash down my medicine poured down my face The faded recorded seeming to keep time with it "I want to live where soul meets body" Then it all gets too bright and I can't walk to your car I didn't think I could speak but my thoughts were out loud And I asked myself if this is what drugs feel like Is this what love feels like

19

When I was a baby I was given a doll It was pretty though it was small I thought I wanted to look like her when I was tall In kindergarten I took dance I had to learn to wear lipstick as well as my stance I had to look good to be given a chance In sixth grade I had a flaw Acne began and others saw Kids in my class began to haw I went home and told my maw She gave me concealer and a bra In highschool makeup took half the day Just to hear nice things people would say When asked I'd say it's just for play I didn't have time, it was late I had to be out the door by eight No one called me pretty, I would never find a mate Something better happened, I had time to create

0

May 22, 2015

May 22, 2015 at 7:47 PM UTC

moonshine

Makeup

When I was a baby I was given a doll It was pretty though it was small I thought I wanted to look like her when I was tall In kindergarten I took dance I had to learn to wear lipstick as well as my stance I had to look good to be given a chance In sixth grade I had a flaw Acne began and others saw Kids in my class began to haw I went home and told my maw She gave me concealer and a bra In highschool makeup took half the day Just to hear nice things people would say When asked I'd say it's just for play I didn't have time, it was late I had to be out the door by eight No one called me pretty, I would never find a mate Something better happened, I had time to create

18