And between those flashes of pain
I have moments of clarity too,
Where I think and decide
Of returning him the favour
He did to me,
For the next time we meet
I would definitely
Shove him back,
Hit him,
Pull out his hair,
Scrape his skin,
Bruise his right eye,
Dig my nails into his veins
Until blood is drawn
And
walk away
As he crawls on the ground,
Gritting his teeth against all the pain
The way I did
When he left.
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 6:32 AM UTC
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 6:26 AM UTC
Stasis in darkness.
Then the substanceless blue
Pour of tor and distances.
God's lioness,
How one we grow,
Pivot of heels and knees! -- The furrow
Splits and passes, sister to
The brown arc
Of the neck I cannot catch,
Nigger-eye
Berries cast dark
Hooks ----
Black sweet blood mouthfuls,
Shadows.
Something else
Hauls me through air ----
Thighs, hair;
Flakes from my heels.
White
Godiva, I unpeel ----
Dead hands, dead stringencies.
And now I
Foam to wheat, a glitter of seas.
The child's cry
Melts in the wall.
And I
Am the arrow,
The dew that flies,
Suicidal, at one with the drive
Into the red
Eye, the cauldron of morning.
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 6:26 AM UTC
I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it----
A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a **** lampshade,
My right foot
A paperweight,
My face a featureless, fine
Jew linen.
Peel off the napkin
0 my enemy.
Do I terrify?----
The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.
Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me
And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.
This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.
What a million filaments.
The peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see
Them unwrap me hand and foot
The big strip tease.
Gentlemen, ladies
These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,
Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.
The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut
As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying
Is an art, like everything else,
I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.
It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical
Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:
'A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge
For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart----
It really goes.
And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood
Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.
I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.
Ash, ash ---
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there----
A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.
Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.
Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 6:25 AM UTC
Better that every fiber crack
and fury make head,
blood drenching vivid
couch, carpet, floor
and the snake-figured almanac
vouching you are
a million green counties from here,
than to sit mute, twitching so
under prickling stars,
with stare, with curse
blackening the time
goodbyes were said, trains let go,
and I, great magnanimous fool, thus wrenched from
my one kingdom.
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 6:25 AM UTC
Come dear night,
My veil from all the
Dreadful tales of the world
As the sun spirals down
I welcome you with open arms.
Lie with me
Beaneath the moon
That’s not the least
Ashamed to spy on our
Little meeting.
The silence
Left in the wake of dead
Seems to be our piece,
Our cue for the ball
That didn’t happen till yet.
Perfect twirls—
I can’t help but
Feel your loneliness as comfort
To me ;
The night and I —
Perfect companions.
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 10:19 AM UTC
Madness like a red coat
Around her throat
Drowning in the ruins
Of her own misery
And
Own sorrow
O’ dear child,
You should have stayed
In that garden of yours
Among the myriads of
Growing daises
And
Gifting each of us a violet
For centuries to keep
But how long can
Leaves shade you
From the
Many faces of fate—
The cruelest ones always name after us,
Victims.
Dwell in the many layers of rosemary and pansies;
Look how is ironic history just became
With its indelible smell of
Fennel and Columbius ;
Drawn towards the many
Spun webs of the
Golden singing spiders—
She floats amongst the
Water lilies
From here on.
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 10:01 AM UTC
Is it coming back to me?
That haunting, haunting tale
Dressed in black and shriveled hair
She’s a mute, ever-lasting present
This city is her home
And she walks behind
Me at all times
Keeping an eye out for me—
What do you want
I scream
And
Scream
And
Scream
Nobody goes anywhere.
Intervene my present;
My future runs in red fluids
Flooding me,
It’s my own shadow
I cannot ignore
Biting letters
Or memories
Doesn’t make it go away—
No, the smoke’s leaving a
Trail
Follow me,
Follow me,
Follow me—
Engulf me—
I once said
How many moons ago was that,
I seem to have lost all senses
Red, yellow,green—
It’s all blurry
I have started anew now
(Or have I?)
It’s the same old me—
Just trying to hide her now
The night is long dead and cold
Then
I wonder why is she
The only one breathing
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 9:55 AM UTC
Fall seems the season for forgiveness,
But I am the only benevolent by heart,
Who reflected a privilege despite not being a son.
So for mothers with a purpose in their hearts-
There’s more than a name just pronounced,
Leave your daughters with an abundance of deliverance,
Maybe they’ll learn to build their own homes with it,
and survive in it.
Jan 12, 2019
Jan 12, 2019 at 8:42 AM UTC