You didn't leave me with closure. You left me with a cold "Goodbye..."
So, my heart's not understanding it's over... It will... It'll just take some time..
Cause my mind IS in cooperation with the logic of how these things work...
In all honesty, I came to the realization- that it was over long before it started to hurt..
I can't say that I'm suprised at all. I knew this "love" would end.. eventually...
I knew you weren't in it for the long haul.. When you denied how much you meant to me...
You were quick to run when things got tough. I dealt with it alone every time...
But you were quick to return when sh** cleared up, huh? As quick as I was to AGAIN call you "Mine..."
In the end.. I don't blame you for leaving. You weren't raised by/or TO be a man..
So you can stop spitting your excuses and calling them reasons.. For why everyone's grown up, but you can't.
You don't know how.. It's just not in your blood. You weren't destined to fail.. just to struggle...
You were made to base your future rolling around in the mud alone... So it's only YOU who's in touble.
I don't wish bad NOR good on you. Nothing in fact, just leave me alone, stay away...
Cause MY future is bright and YOUR future is black, stuck in the past, while - I - face a new day.
Nov 3, 2018
Nov 3, 2018 at 11:23 PM UTC
Finally, she made it home... Exhausted both mentally and physically
from the long, hot days before.... Exhausted...
Too worn out to take anything out of her car,
she drags herself
and her purse
inside her house, down her hallway to her bedroom door.
She can't see anything, because the change from beautiful, bright, life-giving sunlight to cold and hollow darkness
is sudden and drastic.
Yet...
Somehow she manages to unlock her door....
Everything is in order,
the way she left it.
His picture
still hanging above her bed.
The one she knew she could get lost in...
She drops her bag onto her bed, steps up on the stepping stool and then drops herself down next to it..
She turns to face her wall..
To see him...
His smile...
His eyes....
His beautiful soul still shining through....
Even in a picture...
She smiles.
Grateful and happy that he's smiling and she can see it...
It didn't matter that he was no longer physically in her life.....
In this moment..
He was there...
And she felt safe in this moment...
The last thing she seen before she closed her eyes...
Was his smiling face.....
As she drifted off, she kept his smile vivid in her mind's eye...
And in the precise moment before his image faded into the dark abyss..
she heard him say,
"Goodnight babe. I love you."
..... And that was ALL that she wanted.
Nov 2, 2018
Nov 2, 2018 at 5:30 PM UTC
From a broken home to broken trust and everything in between. . .
I am who I am - just me.
I've made mistakes & been accused of the wildest of things. . .
Though I've become a better person through it all.. I still remain - just me.
I've had it all and lost it too.. Along with my mind and feelings. . .
No one else dragged me through the mud or seen me through - just me.
I've built new walls around me, that I now stay in comfortably...
No one can gain access again.. NO, not that easily..
Cause no one else has the entry key... No one else..
JUST ME.
Oct 30, 2018
Oct 30, 2018 at 2:32 PM UTC
I want to genuinely smile and have real friends that make me laugh..
Even more than that - I really want to get my life back on track...
But it's hard to have hope for the future - cause I just can't let go of the past....
Oct 26, 2018
Oct 26, 2018 at 10:25 AM UTC
The days are long, the nights are colder... I keep reaching for any strength I have stored within...
I keep reaching for hope - while trying to keep hold of my sanity...
It's getting harder, cause I just want to hold him...
It's been awhile now since our last encounter... This has happened so many times before...
I should be used to and tired of this already... What I thought I knew about love - I don't anymore...
I used to believe I knew every thing about love... As it would turn out, I know Nothing, in fact...
All I've ever known - was how to give love away... I never learned how to get some love back...
So I'm sitting here feeling stupid.. empty.. and alone... Wanting TO WANT to change enough to enjoy life again...
... But WANTING to want is an emotion so deep and so hollow... I wouldn't know where to begin.....
Oct 25, 2018
Oct 25, 2018 at 5:19 AM UTC
I was doing okay when I was alone...
Before you...
I was happy, healthy, vibrant, and strong...
You know it's true...
.... Then you came along...
There wasn't an instant connection...
It wasn't "Love at first sight..."
I got a text saying that you wanted my number...
After seeing how **** you were - I text back, "Yeeeaaah riiiiiight!!!"
But it was true...
Oct 25, 2018
Oct 25, 2018 at 4:58 AM UTC
You told me, "It's over..." again. I know that, Jorge... It's been over.
You know that and I know that.. And of course...
You know I know that.. So who was the validation for?
Let me ask and pretend I don't already know who..
Let me ask and pretend like you'll tell me the truth...
The truth that I already know with every fiber of my being..
The truth you know is the truth, but will NEVER have the guts to tell me...
Let me ask who has been taking your time..
& doing such a GREAT job keeping ME off your mind...
& let me go ahead and pretend
To believe all the lies
that escape your lips then,
like rain from clouds, so effortlessly... so naturally...
Jorge, it's true.. ignorance IS BLISS..
So I beg you, for my own sake, let your lies fall all around me,
All the while,
I'll dance in them proudly
and FOOLISHLY..
Because I HONESTLY believed
You. Were. Mine.
& please love, don't stop.. Until I'm drowing in THIS...
In my last Moments -
leave me.. Like you've done every time...
To sink.. Like an anchor carrying the weight of the world, deeper..
and deeper.. and farther away from the surface..
Still too blind in love to even notice...
That I'm the only one WHO
is wasting away... all the days in my own life...
But I'm still seeing visions of YOU...
So I believe that I'm fine...
Even though you've proven you will never BE..
here - to stay - by my side..
The ludicrous hopes in my simple mind...
Absurd, are so pathetically con-vinced;
It. Will. Be. Different.
... this time.
It never has been. It never is.
I know, I know, I know this...
& yet... Despite...
I still think you'll come back & save me..
Cause you wouldn't just let me die,
right?
Although my love - you did.. Let me die like this..
Time and time and time again...
I'll gladly die this way - it's my life to spend -
drowning, figuratively, a hundred, a thousand, a million more times...
Until then,
The beat of your heart is ENOUGH,
to keep my feet above your falling words, but they rise...
Dancing in my own death, So in LOVE...
Ignorantly.. pretending
I believe all your lies.
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018 at 9:23 PM UTC
I don't want to think about you anymore.
Nothing is the way it was "before.."
You are not the same person that I met.
You're full of hate and disrespect.
You put me down. You call me names.
You string me along with your head games.
You accuse me of doing everything wrong..
I wanted to hold on.. I'm just not that strong.
I try to stay positive, try to show you the light..
One wrong word or move - we're right back in a fight.
Then comes the battle, then comes the war..
You're words are nuclear weapons.. I can't take anymore.
I am NOT the person that you say that I am.
I wanted to help you.. You just don't understand.
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018 at 6:56 PM UTC
We've been down this road before.
Each time it hurts a little more.
I really don't know what you want from me.
When we are doing good, WHY won't you let it be?
I know that you love me, don't say that you don't.
We say we can find better, but we both know that we won't.
Cause the connection we've shared.. and you know we still do...
We were a match made in Heaven, Hell, and Earth, too..
What we have in common outweighs our differences by a ton...
There's examples I can say, but showing you'd be more fun..
Like our saying, "If you know what I mean..."
Face-down, biting pillows, so I wouldn't scream.
You can not say I never tried to surprise you...
With outfits, gifts, whatever you wanted - I'd buy you...
Who's out there putting in more effort to be with you than me?
If someone else is - fine, as long as you're happy....
But just let me know, though, tell me the truth.
Don't drag me along. Don't leave me waiting for you...
Come out and say it, if you know you're not coming back.
After all we've been through, you should at least give me that...
Cause just as ready as I am to keep up the fight..
I'm just as ready for the final good bye...
So think about it long, and think about it hard...
Next time we talk - tell me.. if we're the "has been" or "are..."
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018 at 10:46 AM UTC
There's nothing more I'd like to do,
Then snuggle in close and fall asleep with you..
& right now I'm a lot closer to you than I've been since the last time...
The last time you were here.. I know it's been on your mind..
It's on mine...
& the last time we spoke - you asked to see me..
I said, "No," but it felt like I denied my lungs the air needed for breathing...
....Changed thoughts....
Man, I really hate crying.
I can't stop, but I'm trying.
There's no point in fighting..
Both actions waste time.
If you asked & I told you, "I'm doing fine,"
You can rest assure that THEN I'd be lying...
But I know eventually.. I'll be alright....
I can't change those who I feel crossed the line...
But I can change the thoughts I repeat in my mind.
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018 at 10:26 AM UTC