If you know me at all, you know I am a lot to handle, even for myself.
I feel very deeply and I do not know if that’s a flaw or a favor given by subconscious
That sometimes anxiety swallows me whole and I can not find the words to speak
But I can write very clearly
And if he knew me at all
The hole he punched in the wall would’ve been a kiss on the forehead instead
A soft “I understand, just take your time”
That tells me that things just weren’t right
Nov 24, 2018
Nov 24, 2018 at 12:29 AM UTC
Last night I saw you
A face so familiar
I swear, my dear, it felt like a dream
But something has changed
You’re not quite the same
I hope that you can find yourself someday
You’re eyes looked like spring now all I see is ice and rain
An empty glance and something I no longer understand
I could just walk away but would you like me to stay and tell you everything that I would rather not say
I’m a stranger to me and I’d rather not be
I’ll find my way to me eventually.
Nov 24, 2018
Nov 24, 2018 at 12:26 AM UTC
He took me to dinner on a Tuesday night. A rather “hole in the wall” kind of place most people would pass over without a second glance.
I look at him from across the table with a smile, wondering what I did that lead up to us being here together. We speak of life and love over 3 courses and a bottle of wine.
Leaving the restaurant, I realized that the stars look to the moon with as much awe and wonder as your eyes to mine. As you open the passenger side door and help me in, I realize that I can take care of myself but you make me want to love myself as well.
We talk of lust and death on the way home over gas station coffee and cigarettes. As I marvel at the smoke you exhale dancing in the glow of the headlights, I realized that no matter how much you love someone, they can still find a way to slip through your fingers.
Aug 11, 2018
Aug 11, 2018 at 11:39 PM UTC
I remember you skipping rocks with me on the beach
How they flew through the summer sky and sunk way down deep
And I knew from the way you were laughing at me
that this won’t turn out the way we’d wished it to be
In the end
I remember long days we had alone on the couch
with teeth stained in red wine, our worries flew out
the front door down the hallway where you first said you love me
Past first kiss and last dance and holiday plans that fell flat
And I saw your new girlfriend at the bar, she looks pretty
And sometimes I wonder how she looks in the morning
dreary eyes beg for coffee, does she remind you of me?
I guess I just get over all of it eventually
And pretend
we made it
in the end
Jul 9, 2018
Jul 9, 2018 at 10:07 PM UTC
These are the moments you remember in the end
And you are the song that I hear inside my head
And through all the fire, we took time to put it out
And once in the ashes, not a thing to cry about
With you came the sun
ever shining, always glowing, shed a light on all we’ve found
And if I stumble, I look to you and you pull my feet up off the ground
And I’ll keep on running though I know I won’t get too far
Cause you have me dancing on the sidewalk in the thunder
after everything went dark
I know we don’t have the answers but that don’t matter
we’ll still sit in wonder here together,
how the best is yet to come
Jul 9, 2018
Jul 9, 2018 at 9:53 PM UTC
Walked by the tree we carved our names in
Scratched out beside it said K+N
And I wondered then out loud
hey maybe I could burn it down
to the ground
Or keep on walking, pass it by
as a simple picture in the mind
that got too hazy, blurry baby
Two lost souls too intertwined
And I’m fine
I’ll be alright
I’ll pack my bags and catch a flight
Too far away for us to say
Hey what are you doing Saturday night?
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:38 PM UTC
I am a lot of sensations in one,
a lot of taste, of storms.
of colors you've never seen before.
I am the myth you've never heard,
and the ode you never wrote.
I am the song that you don't know the lyrics of,
but you keep on singing anyway.
I was born to be the impossible,
out of the millions of possibilities.
And no,
I won't change for you.
Mar 19, 2018
Mar 19, 2018 at 1:02 PM UTC
Thank you for giving me the joy of meeting you
For welcoming me into your family and making me feel as if I were with you all forever
Your excitement upon meeting me is something I will never forget
He talked about you a lot
And from the second I heard your name, I knew you were something special to him
The one who helped him grow into the man that he is
The one who dried his tears
The one who told him to never give up.
I wrote him a note on the back of a book I got him for Christmas
It was new and fresh and exciting and I couldn’t wait to tell him how I felt
You said it was one of the most beautiful thing you ever read and I knew I liked you then
I shouldn’t be writing this for you.
I shouldn’t be thinking of him now
But I am.
I just want you to know that it’s been the greatest pleasure to know you and the hardest thing ever for me to let him and your beautiful family go.
I’m sorry if I caused him any pain.
I know he’s your baby and you never want to see him hurt.
But I want you know that I loved him as much as I knew how to.
And somethings you just can’t force.
That first Christmas was the first time I ever felt happy for the holidays and I thank you and your family for that.
Thank you for showing me love and compassion and excitement.
As you can see, I am still trying to get over him.
But I see he has already forgotten me.
I don’t know what you think of me now.
And it should probably stay that way
I was only a blink of an eye for him as I should be for you
But every so often you all dance into my brain and I can’t help but think what could have happened,
i just want to thank you for making me feel so welcome
That now it feels so heartbreaking to leave, even months later.
And even after he has found someone new.
I hope you all cherish her as you did me.
And I wish you all the best
Mar 19, 2018
Mar 19, 2018 at 2:55 AM UTC
I hope he takes care of you
Maybe not quite the same way as he did me
but with real love and understanding
I know he’s a little hot headed
Sometimes you just have to be patient with him
He’ll do the same for you
I hope he listens to you when you’re angry
Or upset
Or happy
I hope he doesn’t leave the room for a smoke during a fight
I hope you don’t have to follow him outside
While he angrily blows smoke in your direction
I really hope that you help him quit
Say hi to his sisters for me
I wish I could’ve gotten to know them better
Hug his mom a little tighter the next time you see her
She was the first love of his life
And if we ever cross paths, I hope there is peace
And I hope you make him happier than I ever could.
Feb 14, 2018
Feb 14, 2018 at 3:33 PM UTC
In the month of June, in year old perfume
I tried to drown you out
Found myself down, stumbling around
only you I thought about
Bought myself breakfast at the place we used to go
Diner lights fight with last nights merlot
Guess I’ll call it a day and try again tomorrow
And I bet you told your mother what a mess I became
To try and keep me from dancing on the back of your brain
It’s not for me to say cause I left you anyways
but sometimes I wish that you would’ve let me stay
Feb 4, 2018
Feb 4, 2018 at 10:57 PM UTC