the thing about me
is that I crave intimacy.
but I've grown up in this way
of believing that two people can never really connect
when there's fabric between their bodies
so I part my lips,
and I kiss your skin,
desperate to feel like I am part of something.
I listen to our breaths
and feel our bodies synchronize,
reaching out with my mind,
hoping somehow it'll mingle with yours.
But two souls can't connect
when it's just another, ****
and when I open my eyes,
I allow guilt to settle in
vulnerable and naked,
with remnants of burning fingers on my skin.
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017 at 3:52 PM UTC
I woke up this morning without the scent of your coffee in the air.
I scrunched my eyes and tried to sniff,
but the scent of your body wasn't there.
I paused, then frowned, confused by the missing fragrances.
Crawling out of bed, I made my way to the kitchen,
only to find a letter full of ******** sentences.
"I'm sorry," you wrote, "I'm leaving you now."
"My heart isn't happy here, I wanted to tell you sooner but I didn't know how."
I crumpled the paper as my eyes became full,
my intentions were pure, how could I have been such a fool?
"not happy here," replayed in my brain,
surely I was going crazy, maybe this is just a game.
with blurry eyes, I walked through the house
noticing your belongings were still there.
Confused, then angry, I thought,
"Leaving reminders isn't really that fair."
Then reality set, and I remembered your struggles.
Fear came next and I was screaming at the bubbles.
There you laid,
submerged in the water
"nothappyherenothappyherenothappyhere" it wouldn't stop
replay replay replay
why won't it stop?
Your wet body in my arms, I dialed for the operator.
I knew you were too far gone but I had to try for a doctor.
How could you leave me, but how could you not?
Your mind was your monster and it grew stronger than I thought.
The EMT's came but it all stayed a blur.
White walls, white rooms, but nothing of her.
"3:42 a.m." they said,
the number of your passing.
So everyday I've sat and grieved,
questioning my actions.
You're gone and I'm alone.
Left with all these thoughts.
People have come and gone
but my demons are all I've got.
You left and I'm alone.
Losing my own battles.
I don't want to fight,
I don't want these struggles
and now I finally understand
why you chose the bubbles.
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017 at 12:45 PM UTC
I woke up this morning without the scent of your coffee in the air.
I scrunched my eyes and tried to sniff,
but the scent of your body wasn't there.
I paused, then frowned, confused by the missing fragrances.
Crawling out of bed, I made my way to the kitchen,
only to find a letter full of ******** sentences.
"I'm sorry," you wrote, "I'm leaving you now."
"My heart isn't happy here, I wanted to tell you sooner but I didn't know how."
I crumpled the paper as my eyes became full,
my intentions were pure, how could I have been such a fool?
"not happy here," replayed in my brain,
surely I was going crazy, maybe this is just a game.
with blurry eyes, I walked through the house
noticing your belongings were still there.
Confused, then angry, I thought,
"Leaving reminders isn't really that fair."
Then reality set, and I remembered your struggles.
Fear came next and I was screaming at the bubbles.
There you laid,
submerged in the water
"nothappyherenothappyherenothappyhere" it wouldn't stop
replay replay replay
why won't it stop?
Your wet body in my arms, I dialed for the operator.
I knew you were too far gone but I had to try for a doctor.
How could you leave me, but how could you not?
Your mind was your monster and it grew stronger than I thought.
The EMT's came but it all stayed a blur.
White walls, white rooms, but nothing of her.
"3:42 a.m." they said,
the number of your passing.
So everyday I've sat and grieved,
questioning my actions.
You're gone and I'm alone.
Left with all these thoughts.
People have come and gone
but my demons are all I've got.
You left and I'm alone.
Losing my own battles.
I don't want to fight,
I don't want these struggles
and now I finally understand
why you chose the bubbles.
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017 at 12:45 PM UTC
I want to learn your secrets;
hear the things you've never told;
reach inside and **** your mind,
burn the things that make you cold.
I wish to know your dreams,
those that keep you awake;
peak inside and try to find
a way to give your worrisome mind a break.
I need to know your sins,
the ones you're ashamed to speak;
hold your hand, comfort them away,
reassure you that they don't make you weak.
I hope to know what haunts you
in the silence of your days,
do you think of me, do you think of her?
What words do you wish you could unsay?
I yearn to know your desires,
fetishes that make you tick;
grasp your heart, feel your skin,
discover the way our bodies click.
I crave to love your soul
in all the ways a person could;
hold your fears, kiss your tears,
adore you the way a lover should.
Mar 26, 2017
Mar 26, 2017 at 9:15 PM UTC
I've learned that Time is only the indication of one thing: Time.
It determines the seconds, minutes, hours as they pass
But it can't determine the rate at which a person falls.
First sight;
first smell;
first touch
,
Important factors in the drop.
First laugh;
first kiss;
first hug,
Time doesn't get to determine how quickly he learns to make your heart stop.
I've always had these rules because Time told me they were right.
"Can't eat until that time."
"Can't shower until this time."
Can't give my heart away to a man after 28 days
Because Time claims, 'Too soon.'
But Time doesn't see the details.
It can't stop it's ticker, pause,
and see the way his hands make your body quiver.
No,
time doesn't get to take a break
to feel the way his eyes gaze at you
as if he has never seen anything more beautiful.
And time can't feel the breath your lungs take
at the simple sight of him.
I've always had these rules because Time told me they were necessary.
And when he told me of the love he felt after 21 days,
I looked to time who yelled,
"Too soon, too soon, too soon, he can't possibly feel that now."
But then I look at him
and I can see the way he looks at me.
I get to feel the gentleness of his touch
and the intensity of his kiss.
Time can only pass.
And I've realized that time will pass,
whether you let yourself fall too soon
or if you allow the passing minutes
to inform you of when it's okay to start loving someone.
Time can only indicate the time.
Time counts the seconds.
But time does not get to tell me when it's okay to feel anymore.
Mar 20, 2017
Mar 20, 2017 at 2:11 PM UTC
Take my hand.
Close your eyes.
Breathe me in.
Just free your mind.
It’s only us.
Time does not exist.
There’s no need to rush.
Just enjoy this bliss.
Trace my lips,
As you hear me speak.
Can you hear the thumping,
Of my racing heartbeat?
Let your hand,
Graze my cheek.
As I listen intently,
To the words you speak.
Do you feel the air,
Brush by your skin?
Do I stir up something
Deep within?
Relax your muscles.
You’re safe with me.
Forget the world.
As we make our own melody.
May 6, 2015
May 6, 2015 at 7:33 PM UTC
Don’t Move.
Just Close your eyes.
Listen to my heartbeat.
Hear the pace rise.
Forget about the world.
Just focus on my heart.
Do you feel that?
I don’t want us apart.
Ignore the wind.
Pay attention to me.
Pretend it’s not there.
Then maybe you’ll see.
Lean in close.
It’s just me and you.
Make our lips touch.
Do what lovers do.
Lose yourself in me,
And I’ll do the same.
Love me with all of you’re being.
Make sure we never change.
May 6, 2015
May 6, 2015 at 7:20 PM UTC
I often feel at times,
That maybe You are with me.
And maybe that I'm not as lost,
As I make out to be.
Maybe You're inside me,
Guiding me along.
But Your plan can't be to lead me away,
Because the Bible says that's wrong.
But all in all You are the greatest; ruler of us all.
And in the end I have no choice,
But to wait patiently for Your call.
Apr 24, 2015
Apr 24, 2015 at 3:04 PM UTC
Sometimes I sit and stare
At my grandparents
Admiring the love they share.
It's beautiful
And true
Evident
In everything they do.
It's a relationship
To be jealous of
To strive for
To look for
Not many of us find it
But the lucky ones do.
They were young
He was wild
She was innocent
But something in them mixed
Now it's forty years later
And their kids had kids
They make me believe in love
And look forward to the future
I see the possibilities
Never-ending
Always there
I hope someone will love me
Like they love each other
To be like my grandparents;
The perfect pair.
Apr 24, 2015
Apr 24, 2015 at 3:01 PM UTC
Often
She sits
And wonders
Does she make
Somebody’s heart
Skip?
Apr 24, 2015
Apr 24, 2015 at 2:57 PM UTC