And now my heart
Is breaking once again,
For the one who was my love,
The boy that was my best friend.
I bared to you my soul,
Let you glimpse the shadows
That dwell beneath my eyes.
I threw to you every ounce
Of love I’d ever known,
Hoping to show you the man
That I saw in you;
Hoping my love could ease the ache.
I didn’t want to fix you, no.
I just wanted to help you believe
That you never needed any fixing.
I saw you.
And I wanted you to see me.
And perhaps for a moment in time,
I believed you did.
I believed we had the world.
I believed we were each other’s future.
It was never my intention
To overwhelm
Or overcrowd
Or overthink
And when I stretched out
My hand to you,
You silently withdrew.
You crawled back into yourself
Back into your shadows
The shadows so much
Like my own.
I know those shadows so well
And darling,
I’m scared for you
I’m scared the shadows
Will take you from me
I’m scared they already have.
So now my heart is breaking
Painfully slow,
But it’s all happening too fast.
You made me believe
In beauty
In miracles
In myself.
So maybe my love is selfish
Maybe it was never meant to be
Perhaps the hope was always folly
And maybe you never needed me
As much as I needed you.
I’m scared of the shadows.
I’m scared of what they’ll do to you,
Scared of what they’ve already done.
Don’t let them extinguish your light,
My love.
Don’t let them take that.
My heart is breaking
Because you can’t tell me
That you still want me.
I won’t hold you captive
If you tell me you don't want this.
But promise me you’ll shine
Shine so bright that you scare that
Which has caused so much fear
In those like yourself and I.
Shine so bright the shadows run away
Shine with your smile,
And with your kind eyes.
Shine with compliments
And with an open mind.
Shine by letting them know
That you are not afraid anymore.
I’d like to hold your hand while you shine.
But if you’d rather say goodbye,
Let us part friends.
No tears and no lies.
But with hopeful expressions,
And happy memories.
We called it love,
And I’d like to think
That’s what it’s been.
You bared to me your soul,
You showed me
Your shadows.
And now my heart
Is breaking once again,
For the one who was my love,
The boy that was my best friend.
Jan 3, 2017
Jan 3, 2017 at 9:20 AM UTC
It didn’t happen like in a poem.
It wasn’t pretty
Or whimsical
Or like autumn leaves.
It didn’t happen like the chorus of your favorite song.
It didn’t make us dance
Or build up tears behind our eyes
Or fill us with constant laughter.
It wasn’t like what they made us expect.
It wasn’t sunlight
Or starlight
Or anything else exceptionally bright.
It just was. We just were.
Warm, safe, wonderful-
Even after the butterflies faded.
Long nights, after long days
Growing, together.
It wasn’t what we thought, but it was right.
It was love as it should be,
And it was divine.
Oct 9, 2015
Oct 9, 2015 at 7:27 PM UTC
To me you are the air
In my lungs and
The stones under
My feet.
You put the stars
In my sky and you
Drew those beautiful clouds
(For me).
To me you are
Daylight and darkness;
A paradox I’m in the middle
Of trying to figure out.
You fabricate the blades of grass
From your dreams
And you
Sing the breeze.
You are my person-
You are my love-
You are my hope-
You are my daydream-
You are my too much.
And because of you
All else
Is nothing.
Oct 1, 2015
Oct 1, 2015 at 5:51 PM UTC
This is madness;
Surrender- Falling, screaming.
Time blurs and
Past becomes possessive and
I don’t know how much more I can take.
Lost and Empty and
Hollow and Hopeless but
Still breathing dead air.
Why?
Because someone said
A savior lives.
Because someone said
He lives to forgive.
So now I am simply left wondering;
Why?
Sep 23, 2015
Sep 23, 2015 at 8:07 PM UTC
I am a tree in a park
Nothing spectacular, but beautiful nonetheless.
My ideas are the limbs,
twisting in every direction, each idea sprouting more off of the last.
My uncertainties
Are the results of the wind.
If all were still maybe I wouldn't need to doubt myself.
My feelings come in the form of flowers
steadily growing into something strong
Then dying in the night with contemplation.
The roots are my friends
For they help to shape me
and decide who I should be (whether they try to or not).
My battle scars are the slashes through hearts and long-ago traced initials
carved into my trunk
From love that's been lost.
Sep 12, 2015
Sep 12, 2015 at 9:56 AM UTC
I'm distracted
I'm lost
I'm broken and battered and worn
I don't know where to go
Don't know who to turn to
I know no one cares
But I need someone to know
My faith has been fading
My life keeps unraveling
Those dreams I once had
To fly away, nap on the clouds
Those dreams we all had
Fueled by that folly thing called Hope
My pencil on a blank page
My canvas still painted white
Inspiration is just a term we use
when we learn something new about ourselves.
But I breathe in ignorance
My faith keeps fading
My life keeps unraveling
A spool of yarn re-wound too many times
My heart is tired
My limbs are weak
I'm barely here anymore
Prayer was formerly my reminder
I was never alone
But now the words just bounce around
In my head
Forgotten when out of sight
Ignored in presence
I guess I make a better window than a door
My faith keeps fading
My life keeps unraveling
A puller on a sweater
Caught on something by fault only of its own
It knows it messed up
Ruined the whole thing
That piece of thread
Just wants to be part of something special
But for everything else to be okay
It knows it needs to be snipped.
Sep 12, 2015
Sep 12, 2015 at 12:29 AM UTC
I should have known better than to befriend.
Your trickery is now failing, my dear.
Now, I promise, I try not to offend.
My heart is not, never was, yours to bend
In my nightmares, not dreams, you now appear
I should have known better than to befriend
I know one day you’ll come to your grim end
Lovely face, ruined by your constant sneer…
Now I promise, I try not to offend
Mistakenly trusting until the end,
And look at my price, all of these tears
I should have known better than to befriend
Your character, I’ll never recommend
Your ignorance not lessened by the years
Now I promise, I’ve tried not to offend
Why so trying for you to comprehend?
A bitter enemy, I’m one to fear.
I should have known better than to befriend
And I promise, I lied ‘not to offend.’
Sep 11, 2015
Sep 11, 2015 at 11:36 PM UTC
If fire is what must become of me,
Then let it not temperate be.
Let it light my world on fire,
Engulf all indulgent desire.
Have it set the streets ablaze
Lest I dare hope my soul be saved.
Ash will fall all around me,
As my eyes turn everything to dust I see.
You can throw your pails of water,
Sprinkle all the sand you'd like-
But you lit this match years ago,
And now burning is all I know.
Sep 11, 2015
Sep 11, 2015 at 11:23 PM UTC
I try to have philosophical thoughts
And I try to cup the stars into my palms
So I can pour them down my throat
And quench my sorrows.
I try to think pretty words
And I try to write until my fingers bleed
But it turns out
These letters aren't anything special.
I try to speak love and truth
And I try to show them
What they mean to me
So they don't believe the ugly whispers of the moon.
I tried.
But it didn't work.
Sep 11, 2015
Sep 11, 2015 at 11:17 PM UTC