i want everything to be the way it was.
i want to pretend again-
that your eyes didn't sing to me each time they met mine,
and maybe then- it would have gone away naturally.
i want to pretend that it didn't **** me that you chose to put away your pride to belong to someone who has never seen your light.
and pretend the light wasn't just a reflection of the person I wanted to see in you.
i'll pretend that the things I watched you do weren't purely just your fingers pulling on the strings of the hearts of those who chose to see only that beauty in your smile.
and i'll pretend that i haven't thought about you every day for the past four years- wondering what reckless thing you'll do to your soul next.
and that every time you got sick, I wasn't worrying about whether i should step in to help you because I didn't want to cross any unspoken boundaries.
i want to pretend that he didn't look at me like a bomb threat- and that the things he did were not pure evil.
i want to pretend that you thought of me as family, and that you treated me as so.
i want to pretend that i truly mattered to you. not only when it was late at night and you were thinking of putting yourself in harms way
and not only when he wasn't treating you like the goddess I believed you to be.
i want to hug you, and pretend that i feel warmth in your embrace.
i want to see you, but i never want to look into those eyes again.
no, never again..
because instead of enjoying the melodies I once heard
i'll be revisiting memories of sounds that once made me sway.
Apr 3, 2017
Apr 3, 2017 at 11:25 PM UTC
trust the trying temples.
Nov 25, 2016
Nov 25, 2016 at 8:46 PM UTC
there is a girl
choking on her own *****
i think she may have
gotten it on her halo.
i gaze at the
dark eyes staring back at me
in the mirror here
and try to see something nice.
"try again" she
grumbles and then tiptoes back
to her death bed
and again, gorges herself.
Nov 25, 2016
Nov 25, 2016 at 8:35 PM UTC
I am weeping for the trees
And for the grass, and for the flowers.
I am weeping for the souls
And the soulless, and the soulful.
When I tune my brain correctly
All I can feel is deep, throbbing, horrid pain.
And I wonder if anyone could feel the pain I feel,
Would they weep with me?
I feel the pain of the animals in the plants,
I feel their blood-curdling screams looping
Over and over until it's all I can hear.
I feel the abuse and depression in every creature who knows they will be violently slaughtered.
I feel the pain of mother nature.
She is asking, "why do you destroy the gifts I have given you?"
She is crying, "nobody is listening to my warnings,
The droughts, the storms, the disasters"
I feel the pain of human beings
I feel the pain they know not yet that they feel.
That each and every one of them is enslaved, bred, and controlled.
Maybe we aren't so different from the cattle on our plate.
I feel the pain of the creatures in the ocean
Who are lucky if they don't ingest poison early on in their lifetime,
Who are lucky if they don't get caught in plastic
Or in a net, to suddenly-slowly dehydrate and die.
I feel, mostly the pain of our creator,
Who goes by many different names.
That they created us to learn and grow, and love, and spread love
Yet, all anyone can focus on is their own gain.
I am weeping for the world
Because the weight is pushing down on me.
I am weeping for the souls
Who are overwhelmed by the pain and cry with me.
Aug 13, 2016
Aug 13, 2016 at 10:48 AM UTC
But don't tell anybody.
I asked some customers today,
How do you spell Berenstein?
I asked a co-worker today,
"Do you feel like your interpretation
of reality
Has been corrupted?"
But he didn't get it.
He said, "no, but you've definitely shaken it."
"Not today" I said.
"I mean- today, but every other day as well."
Silence.
Why doesn't anybody hear me
As well as they hear Britney?
Aug 6, 2016
Aug 6, 2016 at 12:20 AM UTC
i feel a cold blade slice down my spine.
you are reading an article about politics
i am muttering something about a great revolt,
sitting on the floor with my legs crossed
thinking about the gift i have to give to the world.
you say something about giving up-
but i seem to have forgotten what that means.
you understand the state of our lives
because i have made you see.
a single sharp tear is trickling down your nose
and onto the tablet screen.
fall, fall, fall.
it's all going to fall;
it's all coming this fall.
gather 'round to see the things i see.
gather 'round to see the change we need.
Jul 31, 2016
Jul 31, 2016 at 10:54 AM UTC
my head is hanging out of the window of a moving car
and i am trying to fly.
the sound of the music drowns out thought
i want to be here, and i am meant to be here.
my heart is hanging by a fine thread
over someone's mind.
and they do not agree with me
so i try my best to map out their soul.
somebody's heart is hanging by a rope
above my own mind.
my head is hurting and my eyes will not focus.
none of them will.
i am holding a cat in my arms
whispering "i'm sorry"
for those of us who refuse to acknowledge that she knows
what i am trying to say.
as you take a bite of flesh,
i rip a chunk of an apple from its core.
you really think my heart is in the wrong place?
Jul 30, 2016
Jul 30, 2016 at 9:42 AM UTC
I am in love with you, but so is he.
You're in love with him; you also love me.
He is afraid of me,
But he need not be.
I love you too much to sabotage your family.
He fears the impossible; that I could ever steal you away.
I fear the impossible; that he could ever keep me away.
I want to be with you in the most platonic way
For any other would never be okay.
Uttered those words as we sat on the beach and it
Took just about everything out of me.
The force of the full moon made me speak
Of that which I'm most ashamed of.
I sighed, 'I have to tell you something'
You listened and your eyes went green
And you said that you felt the same.
I love you but you are in my reach
And you are never to be touched
Again.
Jun 21, 2016
Jun 21, 2016 at 10:27 AM UTC
The child looked up at me with deep brown eyes and asked me for my cell phone.
How his father watched him with discord for this learned behavior.
His mother sat on the couch and tapped on a screen, looking up only when the child did something silly.
The father brought out some pudding and tried to feed his son.
I grabbed a toy phone and answered "hello!?" To an empty line.
"Yes!" I said as the child looked back up at me.
"It's for you," I stated, handing him a piece of plastic which would have his attention for about 14 seconds.
I felt so much tension in the air as his mother left the room to have a cigarette and asked me to join her,
Though I did quit for a reason.
These people are my friends, so why didn't this feel like a friendly encounter? I noted this subtly.
The father doesn't know his son very well, I also noted.
The father doesn't want to be here, I noted again.
I noted many things.
If the notes were material I would have paper filling my pockets.
The mother and I caught up; i haven't seen her in years.
I noted that she was trying hard to prove something, but I couldn't tell what it was.
I noted that the father was feeling uncomfortable in the next room.
When my lungs were tired of the cigarette smoke, I moved into the next room which wasn't much better, I noted again.
The child hit his head and I immediately reacted, rubbing the side of my own skull. He hits his head a lot, I realized, seeing the bruise at the very top of his forehead.
The goodbyes were short and disingenuous. I almost hesitated leaving.
I have to say something, I thought.
But my mouth was shut.
The child isn't my child, and the friends are hardly friends.
After the interaction I reflect, thinking on all the things I couldn't see with my physical eyes.
And I wonder what I can do to help that child.
The answer is,
be there.
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 9:24 AM UTC
that you
see it.
and i want
you to
look me
straight in
the eye
and tell
me I
am wrong.
I don't know what I want.
Mar 27, 2016
Mar 27, 2016 at 3:16 AM UTC