Perspective is a vexing beast,
With a million eyes, and none.
When nights were long, and wills were weak,
My Hope, My Songs, forever gone;
Perspective was blind, curled in my lap,
Abyss cradled my heart;
A sweet embrace, that makes no promise,
It offered only Dark.
A peace so deep,
Asleep like Death,
Ambition was amiss;
The struggle on,
The bleeding one,
A bitter, rending Kiss.
Something strange did happen then,
Forms gained focus, Children of Men,
From among the hoards,
Ignoring Billboards,
I saw love and loss in all Men's Eyes.
And then i knew my Rite was through,
For we all suffer the same;
Strength is found in Adversity's wake,
My will no longer lame.
I have attained an enlightenment that is not bound to me by the things i have accrued and paid for.
I have attained a Love for all Men that is no Ballast to be dropped, so that i may rise up.
I have made Stoic my Heart, and will not so easily be darkened again.
Feeding the Shards of my Soul,
To the Fire that is Life;
Piece by piece becoming whole,
To rise above my Strife.
Jan 23, 2015
Jan 23, 2015 at 2:48 AM UTC
I'm an investor, and a Fool.
I didn't just lose faith in your love, for I devoted a part of myself to loving you.
I fear this part of me is lost forever,
doomed to always wonder why being everything i could be, was not enough for you.
Instead in my absence, you lusted for others, and decided that what once was golden;
could never be so again.
If only you'd given me a chance! but hindsight only makes the ache worse.
I have infinite patience, but once faith is broken, it cannot be restored.
The instant i looked in your eyes, i knew you'd given up on me.
I honestly tried to make it easy on your conscience, but i never knew that by trying to do so,
I destroyed my own.
I made bitter, what once was understanding,
and I find myself walking the same road, searching for faith,
I've lost too much already, maybe it's time for a Long Walk.
Jan 22, 2013
Jan 22, 2013 at 4:47 PM UTC
There was a time when idolized the tortured artist.
I now realise that there is a price that must be paid for this new insight into my soul.
I'm no longer equipped with the tools to look after myself.
I'm no longer functional.
I watch my mental health deteriorate, and these pills are yet to work.
Just keep taking the pills, just keep taking the pills.
Hour 85 of my most recent waking period, and my Brain shows no signs of tiring.
I would give my life to be happy.
I would gladly forfeit my consciousness if it would buy your sanity.
Memories repressed, clawing at the curtains.
I won't let them in.
Stop talking to myself, please stop talking to myself.
I only talk to myself because there is no one else.
I feel like it is too painful and awkward a process to say;
"I'm sad and lonely, can we hang out and pretend like i'm normal?"
If only i were honest with myself.
If only i could forgive myself.
If only these pills would fix my broken mind.
I wish i could travel in time, i would have myself live life to the full,
Before the cumulative pain and regret rob me of my sanity.
Watching my mental health deteriorate as surely as hair grows and dawn fades.
I'm ready.
Dec 12, 2012
Dec 12, 2012 at 1:17 PM UTC
When reading through previous works, it is obvious from the number of times i refer to myself, that i am selfish. I'm sorry for seeing things so one dimensionally. I wish you health, and a long fulfilling life, filled with Joy and Love.
Most of all, if you read this, i just want you to know that i'm sorry for everything.
I wish you all the happiness and luck in the world. God knows, and so do i, that you deserve it.
Yours,
One who will regret no more.
Nov 22, 2012
Nov 22, 2012 at 8:01 PM UTC
I could explain to you the exact process by which my Brain craves something more,
It begs for Dopamine, Seratonin and other such delicious chemicals,
It gives me sunshine, when the rain pours through the crack in my window,
I gives me happiness, when my psyche wanders to it's bad old ways.
Is there more to life than the things we perceive with our primitive organs?
I'm not so sure.
So i fill my bloodstream with these potions that make me see beautiful things,
So i fill my lungs with the acrid taste of fantasy,
So i fill my veins with hope, and dreams of when i was happy,
So i fill my head with the notion that i can stop whenever i want,
And deprive my Brain of this reality, in the hope it will give me something more appealing.
A wise man once said, that only a life lived for others is worth living,
And so i find myself worthless, bathed in glorious hedonism,
Alone in my palace of dreams.
Oct 31, 2012
Oct 31, 2012 at 8:42 PM UTC
I'm so lonely, a self-inflicted exile,
i have so many acquaintances,
though long gone are the days when i would strive to be better,
strive for friendship.
Time has passed so slowly, and yet it feels like just yesterday,
I could analyze why i'm like this for days,
But i already know the conclusion i would reach,
There's a conspicuous absence of you,
I can try to fill this void with friends, *** and lies,
but i am not sated.
I look on as i watch myself walking towards desolation,
Neglecting those things in life that would normally be so necessary,
Forgetting is a skill i am yet to learn,
And this void seems only to grow.
I'll be honest with you, I function from day to day,
But in those moments when there's no distraction, and only memories to fill the time,
We're sitting in front of your tv with a cup of tea,
You're at my side as i hide my pain and shame, broken, but pretending to be strong,
All for you.
I know i will walk this dangerous path until i find closure,
Something that isn't you ignoring my existence,
Don't you realise that there will come a day,
When you and i will meet again, in some inconvenient circumstance,
You may run the other way, again,
But i wonder what you will think when you look in my eyes,
And see that there is no passion left in me,
No lust for life.
For why should i strive, if my reward is this?
Oct 31, 2012
Oct 31, 2012 at 8:20 PM UTC
I looked into Pandora's box, and guess what, i didn't like what i saw.
I saw someone i care about, reeling, and throwing herself into the arms of men who care for nothing but ***
You never said what you wanted to say to me, and you still don't, Confusion turns to Anger and now my name is the dirt you walk on. Have you no idea, that the worst thing that could happen to my soul right now, would be for you to say "i've changed my mind".
I feel happy again, i still miss you, and i know i'll never have a love like yours. So why try reclaim the past? why should i stitch myself back together to be torn apart once more?
You wasted your time on me eh? that's nice, what a lovely thing to say,
I hope one day you find someone you wont omit those most important truths from,
Someone like me, but not me.
The Chapter is written, I will always love you.
But it is a dead love, and knows no resurrection or solace,
Closure is what we both need, I don't like seeing **** take advantage of the emotionally vulnerable, especially not one i value so much, my friend who doesn't talk.
My love who doesn't love me.
Remember who you are, because i can't do it for you.
Oct 13, 2012
Oct 13, 2012 at 8:53 PM UTC
Entering the room, sharing the tentative first kiss of the day,
Your lips beckon me closer, and as i sit i see forked lightening behind your eyes.
You are a storm, waiting to be unleashed,
The steam of your breath sending a chill through me, i awaken.
Though when i wake i find that the dream is real,
I smile, watch the storm and find myself amazed by your pristine beauty,
Down to every little blemish you can no longer hide,
Now my eyes are used to the dark.
I hear thunder, sparks fly when you touch me,
And the gentle moans make me feel alive once more.
And here's the strange part,
Once it is done and you're purring softly, happy to sleep,
I move to leave, thinking my purpose to you is done, no longer needed.
She brushes my arm and says "stay with me, even 5 minutes more"
What bashful eyes you have when they look into mine,
A curious surprise, i am no longer needed, i am wanted.
I am no longer needy, but i want for her like one who is tired of being cast away.
5 minutes passes in a blink of your electric eyes,
and soon you plant the most gentle of kisses on my lips,
I try to keep the wind from souring this most blessed goodbye,
But i feel you shiver.
I tell her she should go back to her room,
And she kisses me once more, her eyes smile, and i walk away.
Her words still ring in my ears, echoes in a happy heart.
"What do you want me to be?" i ask her, she knows i'm broken.
"I want you to be you"
"What do you want me to do?" i ask, her hand in mine.
"Make love to me," i relive these moments, and the memory salves me,
Time, people say, is a great healer, he seems to be in Fast-forward.
We sail in time, on our little rafts,
And this castaway found another such lonely soul, Drifting on the waves.
Such beautiful coincidence, that we should dip our toes in the same Ocean.
Sep 30, 2012
Sep 30, 2012 at 10:02 PM UTC
I'm living in a sandbox,
As i walk and talk, i watch the wind make change to my world,
Painful, awkward change.
I am accepting this, but i feel as though under everything you say, there's this shout of help,
Coming from the part of you that would never tell me things straight, that regrets her silence,
It's a choice between facing the pain i must endure to become stronger,
or falling, smiling, back into the flames.
Even if you will never love me again,
Know that you will never truly be loved as i loved you.
Passionately, unashamedly, and unconditionally.
If there was even a single doubt about your decision, you must tell me,
Or truly **** my hope.
No pride, nor hubris, just our souls, as we once were.
For like yours, my heart is telling me to do things i don't want to do.
We need to get this transition over with,
Like ripping off a plaster.
So help me feel not so lost.
But spare your cruelty, my heart cannot take the fact that things turned out like this,
nor can it stand the thought of you with another,
So i ask you as a friend, try to steer these scenes from my eyes.
For i don't want to cry again.
Sep 27, 2012
Sep 27, 2012 at 10:38 PM UTC
To wash away the anguish,
Like God's own rain on my skin,
Your touch cures me,
Your Gentle caress releasing so much tension,
I feel human again,
I feel wanted.
Sep 26, 2012
Sep 26, 2012 at 11:00 PM UTC