"this doesn't make sense?"
"you like girls?"
"you're just saying this for attention"
I'm sorry I told you
I didn't mean to hurt you
I didn't think you would react like this
you have rounds after rounds at the bar even a year later
drinking away the pain so that maybe when
or if you come home I could be blurry enough to maybe look straight
I'm not saying that I don't like boys anymore Mom
I don't know this right now but
all I know is that when I'm holding her hand
or when I'm looking at her smile nothing else matters
it's like everything that has never made sense finally does when she's here
you try to send me to different counselors to maybe change my mind
you say "it's wrong"
but really nothing has ever felt so right
people talk about "coming out of the closet"
why the **** is there even a closet?
why do I have to "come out"?
why don't straight people "come out"?
why is it so difficult to open up and be who we are?
Mom it's parents like you that make kids stay in the closet
parents are supposed to support their child the most
but I found out they could hurt us the most as well
the counseling will never work
and if you have to drink to deal with the pain
that's fine but I'm not going to sit with you at A.A.
Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 1:03 AM UTC
it's late at night
I can't stop thinking
thinking about who I should be
or what I should be
or what I need to do in the
future
the future absolutely terrifies me
I'm 17 sitting in school in September asking to go to the bathroom
and in December I'm supposed to make decisions on what I want to be
or who I want to be
or where I even want to go in this big world when I'm older
how can I make these big life decisions
when I still can't figure out what I want for breakfast
Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 12:37 AM UTC
if I could
I would bring you back here
you would be able to watch me grow up
do the unimportant things and then the important ones
I would still be able to call you
and you would be able to make me smile
and I would actually mean the smile
my eyes would brighten up as my face would glow
I would be happy
I haven't actually been able to be happy but I am trying
for you
I love God but I don't understand why he would take you from me
you're right maybe I deserved to lose you
as I would spit nasty words about you
"I hate my Dad" "He doesn't care" "I don't want to talk to him"
Every time I think about it
it makes me hate myself even more
maybe God was trying to teach me a lesson
don't take granted of someone/something
cause' they can be gone in a second
I think about how different things would be if you were alive
I wish that you were still here Dad
Everyday,
just one more time so I can tell you everything
that I didn't get the chance too
Apr 1, 2015
Apr 1, 2015 at 5:16 PM UTC
"love"
love is heaven or hell
love one day will make you feel like you're worth a million bucks
but
love the next day will be the reason you're hitting the bathroom floor, crying and wishing that you never met love in the first place
love can lift you up higher and happier than ever before
but then love will drop you and laugh when you start to bleed
love will tell you that ***** is in love with you
and you will fall for it
when love wraps their hands around your waist and kisses your head
but don't forget
when love tells you that they're in love with you
that doesn't mean that love won't leave
Jan 30, 2015
Jan 30, 2015 at 9:40 AM UTC
Someday, I'm going to look at you at not feel anything anymore.
I'm not going to want to look into your eyes
and see how big and bright they shine in the light.
I'm not going to want to remember
the way my head would fit into your shoulder
like that space was made just for me.
I'm not going to scroll through our texts or pictures
and smile or laugh about the memories.
I especially won't cry over you anymore
because I'll know that you were never worth it.
I'll realize that nothing lasts forever
and even though I tried so hard to make you stay
I knew there was a reason I had to let you go.
I'll be okay with it someday
and that someday is today.
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 6:51 PM UTC
No matter how prepared I was,
my heart still shattered when you said those words.
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 6:29 PM UTC
'Poetry is for emos!'
screamed a prosaic once
Don't worry,
he's dead now
I shot him with my gun
which is made from words
'Poetry is for the beautiful minds'
Someone once said
'No, silly! Poetry is for the scarred soul'
replied a maiden
'Poetry is for people like me!'
screamed Mr.R
'No happiness but chests filled with money!'
'Poetry is my hobby.'
said a future entrepreneur
'Poetry is for the one dealing with loss'
said the scientist
'I don't care about poetry, How often do you floss?'
said my dentist.
'Poetry is dumb.'
said the misanthrope
'Poetry makes me think about him'
said the victim of infatuation
I cleared my throat and spoke to clear the confusion
'*You're wrong to say poetry ain't fun
poetry is for everyone*'
Nov 24, 2014
Nov 24, 2014 at 4:45 PM UTC
there's a blister on the middle finger of my left hand
from carving pumpkins with you
my toes are still painted pink from when we went to the school dance
and there's a scar on my right cheek from when my brother got too angry and you
were the first one i called
but
the blister will heal
the scar will fade
and i think i just might paint my toes green
your memories will fade
and i will be okay
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 11:21 AM UTC
I try so hard
to write beautiful poems,
to write happy poems.
I want so much
to seem happy,
to be okay.
I try so hard
to write happy poems
and yet, they're always fake.
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 11:15 AM UTC
Dear curvy girl,
I see you looking at your thighs with burning hatred. I see you look at the skinny girls like they're gods but nothing tastes more like heaven than slices of cake I swear
Dear old best friends,
I miss you so much and even though we aren't talking I just want to say thank you for everything. Thank you for the memories and laughs, it ***** with out you all but just know that you're always going to be important to me.
Dear ******* who broke my heart,
I hope you get your heart ripped out of your chest so hard, you can barely breathe and I hope I ******* cross your mind so you know how much it hurt me.
Dear Dad,
there's so much I could say to you. I hope I'm making you proud and most of the time I wonder what life would be like if you were still here. I miss you so much and love you even more
Dear boy that I'll love in the future,
hug me and kiss me all over, tickle me even when I tell you to stop, make me laugh so hard I cry. Most importantly treat me like a ******* princess, tell me constantly how beautiful I am even when I try to tell you different.
Dear Mom,
I can't live without you and I hope to be as strong and caring as you are. You always have got me what I needed even when money was tight and when I get rich and famous. Money won't be an issue.
Dear me,
learn how to love yourself and try not to think so bad about yourself. You have such a beautiful smile that lights up every room you walk into but you can never see it. Laugh as much as you can and live each moment like it's your last.
Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 6:13 PM UTC