I used to know how it felt to have a dad.
Or did I?
Was the definition of dad a man with a briefcase that carried the weight of the world rushing to the basement to be alone with more work?
Was the definition of dad a man who screamed when he was stressed because he felt that he had to take care of everything that ever was?
Was the definition of dad a man who walked away from his wife and two children so he could get to the bottom of the next bottle? Did he fall hopelessly in love with the shame and the guilt after each swig? He became addicted to the pain.
Was the definition of dad a man who broke down doors, beat in walls until his hands were shedding blood, and being arrested with dead eyes?
Maybe I never had a dad at all. Someone who gave me money out of guilt and tried to buy my love. Or just to make me go away.
This Father's Day I can't say I can celebrate.
For I'm a daughter without a dad.
Jun 21, 2015
Jun 21, 2015 at 6:03 AM UTC
Happy birthday to you...
Awkward silence, staring at the colours of
blue sweetness and
smiling faces.
I can't help but wonder
how long I've really been holding my breath.
Happy birthday to you...
I close my eyes and everything is slow
and calm
and at peace.
Happy Birthday, happy birthday...
Inhale....
Happy birthday to you...
Exhale....
Yaaaaaay!
I wished to be happy.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 1:30 AM UTC
I am so broken into all these beautiful pieces; can’t you see the reflection in what is left of me?
It's you I need.
The reflection you see
The sad eyes you know
Are the glue that holds me back
Together.
Together,
Your eyes don't have to be
so sad anymore
And I won't be a mosaic
Of all that has driven me mad.
Because with you, all goes quiet.
And I can be held together
For a little longer.
You are the peace I found.
And I am the puzzle you need.
Apr 12, 2015
Apr 12, 2015 at 6:33 AM UTC
We are flesh
and blood
and bones.
We are muscle
and we
are skin.
This is what houses us,
our soul.
It does not define us,
our worth.
We're perfectly designed
differently
To help love
and understanding
grow
for the generations
to come.
Mar 4, 2015
Mar 4, 2015 at 1:58 AM UTC
I'm sorry I couldn't be the stars
or the moon
or the sun
or the sky.
But why, oh why
did you hurt me so
as you fled
in this goodbye?
When you held me
and kissed
and carressed
and made love,
Did you mean the words you said
before you fled
in this goodbye?
When I needed you most
in the cold
in the dark
in the empty space
that's when I knew.
You had fled
with a last goodbye.
Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015 at 5:00 AM UTC
And I often find myself looking at the world
through someone elses lens
saying,
"What a beautiful photo. What a beautiful place."
And I mark it in my mind as
somewhere I'd rather be.
And I'm forced back into my own
world.
But I live here everyday,
and maybe it's more beautiful then I remember.
And maybe someday I hope I can inspire
another soul
to see the world through my lens
And hope for more.
Feb 22, 2015
Feb 22, 2015 at 4:45 AM UTC
If you need me
at 4:00am
but never at 2:00pm,
If you call me "sugar"
but never "my love"
and the sweet things you say just float up above
like cigarette smoke
gone with the wind
then I need to walk
as far away
as my heart will allow
And forget this sin.
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 1:16 AM UTC
Some prefer to watch the world burn.
Others
prefer to build it
back
up,
and forgive.
Feb 13, 2015
Feb 13, 2015 at 1:03 AM UTC
It's the days where you're rained out,
splashed by the passing car.
Your favourite coffee is sold out at the shop
and the office coffee just doesn't do it.
And the work load is mountainous, it towers over your head.
The boss is yelling and the day is long.
But then I get to go home
To you
and everything about peace is present
and the days trials have slipped away
because with you
love is everything.
And it helps me make it.
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 9:14 PM UTC
If she doesn't scare you to your core
or test you to your limit,
if she doesn't make you want to scream
but then make you want to sigh,
if she doesn't tear apart your world
as well as she places it all together,
and align your stars to make your life
brighter
It's not that she is incapable,
it's because she's meant to awaken this
in another man.
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 11:23 PM UTC