I used to know how it felt to have a dad.
Or did I?
Was the definition of dad a man with a briefcase that carried the weight of the world rushing to the basement to be alone with more work?
Was the definition of dad a man who screamed when he was stressed because he felt that he had to take care of everything that ever was?
Was the definition of dad a man who walked away from his wife and two children so he could get to the bottom of the next bottle? Did he fall hopelessly in love with the shame and the guilt after each swig? He became addicted to the pain.
Was the definition of dad a man who broke down doors, beat in walls until his hands were shedding blood, and being arrested with dead eyes?
Maybe I never had a dad at all. Someone who gave me money out of guilt and tried to buy my love. Or just to make me go away.
This Father's Day I can't say I can celebrate.
For I'm a daughter without a dad.
Jun 21, 2015
Jun 21, 2015 at 6:03 AM UTC
Happy birthday to you...
Awkward silence, staring at the colours of
blue sweetness and
smiling faces.
I can't help but wonder
how long I've really been holding my breath.
Happy birthday to you...
I close my eyes and everything is slow
and calm
and at peace.
Happy Birthday, happy birthday...
Inhale....
Happy birthday to you...
Exhale....
Yaaaaaay!
I wished to be happy.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 1:30 AM UTC
I am so broken into all these beautiful pieces; can’t you see the reflection in what is left of me?
It's you I need.
The reflection you see
The sad eyes you know
Are the glue that holds me back
Together.
Together,
Your eyes don't have to be
so sad anymore
And I won't be a mosaic
Of all that has driven me mad.
Because with you, all goes quiet.
And I can be held together
For a little longer.
You are the peace I found.
And I am the puzzle you need.
Apr 12, 2015
Apr 12, 2015 at 6:33 AM UTC
I think I fell in love with someone who I should not have fallen in love with.
* the kind of boy who rolls blunts from torn out pages
of Revelation that once belonged in his father's bible
* the kind of boy who writes his secrets and insecurities
on cigarettes and then smokes them, leaving only ashes
* the kind of boy who is thirsty for liquid love rather
than the intangible feeling of intimate emotions
* the kind of boy who waits at the railroad track for
rushing trains that will never come to take him home
* the kind of boy who firmly believes that destruction
is a form of creation and if this is the case, he is an artist
* the kind of boy who finds solace and euphoria in dystopia
* the kind of boy who is likely to break my heart in
hope of healing the broken fragments of his own
and maybe I'm the kind of girl who will let him.
Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 3:26 AM UTC
We are flesh
and blood
and bones.
We are muscle
and we
are skin.
This is what houses us,
our soul.
It does not define us,
our worth.
We're perfectly designed
differently
To help love
and understanding
grow
for the generations
to come.
Mar 4, 2015
Mar 4, 2015 at 1:58 AM UTC
Autistically
speaking
I applaud
your intelligence!
flap flap
clap clap
when you
don't think
before
you think
flap flap
clap clap
or open your
*******
******* mouth!
and disparage
and belittle
those with
a learning
disability.
But then maybe
It's you who is
disabled
as you don't
seem able to
distinguish
between what
is right and wrong
what is cruel and kind
flap flap
clap clap
in your ignorance
you are blind
and your
intellectual mind
is a snob
of the worse kind
Looking down
from your high brow
because you
are so clever
I forget
Let's all applaud
and you can remark
(Out of context of course)
that they're all ******* retards
flap flap
clap clap
Well aren't you hard!
You bully when
you say
the dimwits
and the morons,
unloveable,
undateable,
unwanted,
a drain of society
they should all be
put down.
Not somebody
you would choose
to be friends with
or if you did
it would be so you
take advantage of
an idiots good nature
and pure heart!
flap flap
clap clap
Or so you
could look good
in comparison
to them
and maybe it
would knock your
own IQ up
a number or two!
Your average ******
could teach you a
thing about numbers
if you asked them
And you wouldn't want
your own kids
playing
with them
incase they catch it....
Catch what?....
the ability to be
awesome
to think outside
the box
to see feel and
understand
and experience
the world and
people in a
completely
unheard of way.
To smell colours
and taste words,
and your inability
to deviate from
anything other
than your narrow
little mind
really is absurd!
So let's all clap
and flap flap
flap flap flap
and maybe
shriek a bit too!
They are the true
freethinkers
the true misfits
the pure and
the truly blessed
They are
the ones
the people
who are
"different"
"Individual"
as you
would like
to be
flap flap
clap clap
You ignorant ****
Autistically speaking
Who's the ****** now?
©Jacqui Slade
Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015 at 5:06 AM UTC
Baby, there's a
white chalk outline in the street tonight
for the boy down the road
who didn't have a chance at life.
There's a lady working down
at the truck stop on Third,
and she's racing home tonight
to confirm what she's heard.
That's her baby in a casket,
not the usual sort,
and his mother's screaming in the storm
begging God to take this hurt.
There's a girl across town
who lost the things she had,
and the only thing she knows now
is the fright that's in her head.
Her father's in the living room
where he loads his shotgun,
almost hoping that the
**** from prom will
show himself again.
There are children in the desert,
in the city, in the streets
and they are dying every day.
All we do is argue
over what is best to say.
The journalists and soldiers,
those who worked a mile high.
Honest folks are turned to martyrs
and their names are used in vain.
No one considers rationale,
only how to profit gain.
We're political, tyrannical, existentially obsessed;
we haven't got a thought for those
who haven't even dressed.
"They aren't here; they're there;
we haven't got the time."
But if there's anything I know,
it's that my time isn't even mine.
"Jimmy wouldn't take me out tonight."
"Martha never called me back!"
"I wish that Art had never talked to me."
"I hope you have a heart attack!"
People dying every day
and no one seems to give a ****
We are vain and we are damaged
and we will never be the same.
It seems that all which matters
is just how well you play the "game."
Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015 at 5:05 AM UTC
I'm sorry I couldn't be the stars
or the moon
or the sun
or the sky.
But why, oh why
did you hurt me so
as you fled
in this goodbye?
When you held me
and kissed
and carressed
and made love,
Did you mean the words you said
before you fled
in this goodbye?
When I needed you most
in the cold
in the dark
in the empty space
that's when I knew.
You had fled
with a last goodbye.
Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015 at 5:00 AM UTC
And I often find myself looking at the world
through someone elses lens
saying,
"What a beautiful photo. What a beautiful place."
And I mark it in my mind as
somewhere I'd rather be.
And I'm forced back into my own
world.
But I live here everyday,
and maybe it's more beautiful then I remember.
And maybe someday I hope I can inspire
another soul
to see the world through my lens
And hope for more.
Feb 22, 2015
Feb 22, 2015 at 4:45 AM UTC
If you need me
at 4:00am
but never at 2:00pm,
If you call me "sugar"
but never "my love"
and the sweet things you say just float up above
like cigarette smoke
gone with the wind
then I need to walk
as far away
as my heart will allow
And forget this sin.
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 1:16 AM UTC